Category Archives: Wisdom

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A Mother’s Work and Wisdom Pays Off

mom-at-santa-monica-pier

 The Real Hustle and Flow Serve

Mom and her late husband George moved into a cozy apartment complex in Inglewood, California in the late 80’s.  Like most complexes in the area, it’s gated with secured underground garages.  With her keen eye for decore and artistic woman’s touch, I’m sure its the nicest apartment in the building.  The moving in price for this little hacienda?  $750 per month. 

For years the rent remained the same.  Mom and George knew the owners – a couple who owns several properties and a couple charter schools.  George, who was a CPA did their taxes so there was a working relationship between the two parties.

There is another reason my mom became a favored tenant.  She cleans not just her own apartment military style, she also polices the building for trash and debris.  She sweeps from street corner to street corner, and takes a water hose to the building a couple times a week.  It’s just how she is.  She enjoys a clean environment and it’s good exercise she told me.

Obviously being in one place for 20 years, there has been some change with the other tenants.  Some of the newer neighbors don’t value cleanliness and mom caught one lady dumping trash on the property.  That led to this exchange:

Mom:  Are you going to pick that up? 

Neighbor lady:  And who are you? 

Mom: “Uhh, I’m your neighbor.” 

Since that incident, mom has run into this person several times but the lady avoids eye or any other contact with mom and refuses to speak.

George passed a couple years ago.  And because the rent remained the same mom was able to manipulate some figures and survive on her income alone.  But a couple months ago the notice came that the rent was indeed finally increasing by $190.  Shocked, stunned and fearful mom went to the office to talk about the rent.  It seems that an advisor told the owners that they should be charging a lot more for the property in terms of the area and the value.  I would agree that the two bed room two bath place is worth more than $750 a month.  Still that was only logistics.  An increase that drastic would really strain mom’s finances.  She needed an edge.  Something to ease this potential monkey of her back.  While sitting before the owner’s wife, she thought about the services she was already providing in and around the building for over 20 years, thought quickly and blurted out, “You need a building manager?”  She pointed out that she has been doing the work of one anyway without benefit, and would probably do the same even if the rent increase still went into effect.  Perhaps she could continue to service the area for the difference in exchange for keeping the rent the same.  After consultation, they decided it was a go.  Mom could do what she was already doing and keep her rent cost down.  The owners would continue to have a person who looks after the place, an already loyal tennant who is heavily invested in the community.  A true win win.  Mom truly demonstrated the virtues of servant-hood and her giving efforts paid off financially for her in the long run.

Her last words on the subject?  “Next time I run into that littering neighbor and she ask who I am, I’ll look her straight in the face and say, ‘I’m the manager bitch!”

That’s my mom, a true treasure!

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Encouragement, And Words that add Life

Proverbs 12:25

  Worry weighs a person down;
  an encouraging word cheers a person up.

My regular readers may remember when I officiated some basketball games and had this inward moral conflict going on inside me as to whether to take this extra money the tournament director tried to pay me.  I decided to give the money back but he let me keep it.  Read here if you didn’t see it.

Anyway that school had a tournament again this past weekend and I made my first return there since then.  I saw that same director who greeted me with a smile and said, “Man I am sure glad to see you.!”  I said, “Why do you say that?”  He said, “Because you are an excellent official, and a great person.”  Later on he joked with me about not wanting to take his money, and we had a laugh about it.  Needless to say he didn’t forget that incident and it made an impression on him.

I bring this up not to pay myself on the back.  Just last Thursday a parent greeted me on the floor after a championship game of 6th graders ended in an exciting buzzer beating finish.  I thought it was his kid that hit the shot and as he walked towards me with a half cocked grin,  I stopped, held out my hand to shake his and asked, “Was that your kid who hit the shot?”  He said, “No…  and you suck!”  There are times I literally leave a gym depressed and weighed down after having every single thing I call or don’t call loudly second guessed and throughout the course of a game been called everything BUT a child of God.  Sure some parents and coaches really know the game and some don’t know Sugar Honey Ice Tea!

The point of this post is just to say that Saturday I was really having a challenging day from an emotional perspective.  No matter what I try to be a top notch professional and have a positive attitude with the students I ref.  But I thought it would be a long day mentally and a part of me wanted to be someplace else.

Hearing the tournament director’s encouraging words really did a service to my spirit however.  For one I know that he is hard on officials.   I have read his emails to others criticizing officials who are lazy or those who may seem incompetent.  Bad officiating is bad for business as teams don’t want to pay to get in tournament if the refs are horrible.  Win or lose, coaches and parents will talk about who they think called a consistent game.  So I have a pretty decent reputation for handling myself a certain way.  That aside the fact that a guy took the time to say something good and meaningful to me pushed me to the point where I was able to manage the thing that was bothering me and really step my game up even more.

The world is really hurting out there.  And flowers are often needed when one is living, not at the funeral.  If you have something good to say about someone out there – something that you really mean from your heart that will add life, by all means say it.  You never know the effect it can have.  And you never know what someone is going through at the time you say it.

 

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Good Reading/Listening

There are times when I have conversations with my sons about life, or certain mysteries or share wisdom from observations I’ve gathered over my years.  I communicate in a way that they can understand and relate it back to their journey so that they can have a reference and a light towards the path they will chose.  There are times when after listening to me explain a thing to them they say something like, “Wow daddy.  I know what your talking about and I have always thought of it or wondered it but couldn’t explain it.  You hit it on the head.  Now it makes sense to me.”  It is at those times when I know my sons really look up to me for having a certain amount of wisdom.  They find me totally relatable and relevant, even necessary. 

This is the exact same feeling I get when I listen to the words of Sidney Poitier.  In his first book, “The Measure of a Man,” he talked about not only his life which is fascinating to say the least, but also his beliefs and how he’s come to realize the mysteries, the pleasures, the heartaches, the lessons of life.  This is a truly wise man who has a lot to share.

This sharing continues with his second book,  “Life Beyond Measure, Letters To My Great-Granddaughter.”  In it he writes a series of letters to his great-granddaughter telling the story of his life and the lessons he’s learned – indeed the lessons he is still learning and those questions he may never be able to answer.

This book is not about his movies nor his career though he mentioned it very briefly at times in some form or context.  Instead, Poitier takes a critical look at his life and honestly shares the greatest faults, pains, failures, triumphs and treasures from a man who couldn’t read when he came to America from Cat Island, Bahamas.  In a kaleidoscope of subject matters such as family, faith, traditions, fear, doubt, desperation, god, addictions, science, technology etc.,  Poitier deeply examines the issues of life and does not tell his great-granddaughter what to do, but instead gives her a window to forsee what her journey may be like – and gives her the freedom to decide for herself how she will view each of these subject matters.

I don’t want to say too much about this book.  It’s difficult to put my words together in a way to give justice to what I am receiving in my spirit as I listed to every word.  I will say that I am truly enriched and there has been an illumination on things deep in my soul that were hidden, or dismissed because I couldn’t dig them all out by myself.  Now I am able to at least tap upon a little.  Additionally,  my own level of sense of honor and integrity have increased since I started the book.  There are already things I do differently, certain standards I don’t allow myself to accept, little foxes if you will that I am weeding out – things that only I know about.  What a role model.  I am so thankful that he shared with all of us what he’s shared with his family. 

I suggest this book as well as his first to anyone on the learning path. 

As much as I love to read the words on the printed page, hearing Poitier speak in his own words, with his majestic teaching voice full of compassion and adventure gives the experience that much more.

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Ideals vs Ridiculous Ideologies

          

I have had some pretty heated debates with blogger buddies as well as personal friends regarding the extreme reaction of the liberal and gay communities regarding President Elect Barack Obama’s choice of Rick Warren to participate in his inauguration.  I am on record as saying that any wise group will learn to pick their battles and that there are differences between ideals and ideologies.  To me ideas should be fought for.  The ideal of equal rights or equal pay for women for instance.  Ideologies are often a set of extreme beliefs that people try to push off on others.  I’ll give you an example:

So did you hear the story about the woman in Florida who says she got fired because she refused to answer the company phone with the greeting, “Happy Holidays,” because it was a against her religious views not to say Merry Christmas?  Well apparently she felt it was selling out to the mainstream to say anything generic regarding the day commemorating the birth of Christ.  Nevermind that we live in a diverse nation and some people don’t celebrate Christmas.  Nevermind that some people celebrate Hanukkah, some Kwanzaa and others none of the above.  Oh no, she couldn’t stomach the thought of considering that for one minute.  Instead she decided to buck her boss’s wishes and go “rebellion” by doing her own thing.

I have been in church circles long enough to know where this comes from.  Its the evangelical victimization thinking that Christmas and Christ are under attack by a liberal god hating society.  I remember having a discussion with a former co-worker who refused to go to the company “holiday party” as long as it was called a holiday party and not a “Christmas” party.  He wanted me to sign on to a petition to change the name.  I wasn’t buying it.  I know that some people are turned off by Christians bombarding them with their beliefs.  I know that some anal ACLU types like to drive the city looking for nativity scenes in public places so they can try to legally have them removed.  There is a battle for control of the culture.  Both sides of these and other arguments are often trivial to the big picture in terms of what we lack most in this country – RESPECT FOR OTHERS and their beliefs.  Both the woman in the above story and the anti-Christians are ridiculous in my view.  But I will deal with the Christians on this rant.

I have a few questions for Ms. Tonia Thomas and people who believe as she does – that to say “Happy Holidays” is some sort of sin.

1) Is there a Christmas Holiday in the bible?

2) Is there any record in the bible (which you believe is the authentic Word of God) of Christians yearly celebrating the birth of Christ – similar to the Jewish faith in celebrating the Passover?

3) Was Jesus born on December 25th?

The answer to all of these is a resounding NO!

Memo to Tonia Thomas and others who pontificate on such ridiculous treaties:  You can choose to celebrate Christmas anyway you desire.  That is what freedom is all about.  But to lose your job over whether you say Merry Christmas or not is ludicrous!  For one that is your JOB!  You work for a company.  That company has an owner or ownership group.  The powers that be get to decide how they want to greet their customers!  When YOU own your own business, you can say Merry Christmas, Praise the Lord, hell you can speak in tongues if you want to cause its YOUR business!  It’s no strike against your religion, nor is is a diss to Christ to say Happy Holidays.  I am sure Jesus is not turning cartwheels because you thought you were making a stand but merely lost your job because of your insubordination.  (Look that up in the bible about obeying those whom you work for)  I know you really thought you were doing something.  But sorry; this isn’t like someone asking you to deny your faith or worship Baal.  You allowed someone at church to soup you up into believing this rhetoric.  And it’s a shame.  But this is why folks can’t get along today.  You are NOT going to win over any of your secular friends by being a blow hard at a job that you don’t own over how to answer the phone that you don’t pay the bill on.  You are no martyr like Paul or John.  And Barack Obama won the election too – so get over yourself!  Folks are losing their jobs at an alarming rate all over the country, and you refuse to answer the damn phone the way they ask you to.  How stupid is that?  If I was your boss I would have fired your ass too.  “What you can’t do what I ask and I am paying you?  BYE!”

 menorahKwanzaa Clip Art

 

Glad I got that off my chest.  I’ve officiated more than a few basketball games in December.  A lot of them at Christian and Catholic schools.  When I congratulate a coach or shake his/her hand, it’s come quite naturally for me to say, “Merry Christmas” as I understand this is a special time for them.  I’ve celebrated Christmas as a child.  And at the same time never taught my kids to believe in Santa Clause nor expect me to break the bank for toys and gifts.  As well I will never question, judge, or disrespect my friends who teach Santa to their kids, no revere the Advent season.  It’s all about respect!  We need to learn to do more of that.

There are times to protect religious beliefs.  And there are times when folks are just plain silly and trivial. 

With that said, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and Happy Holidays. 

Peace and God Bless~

 

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Preach Preacher! Obama Chooses Right “Man of God”

Obama's inaugural choice ignites outrage

I hear liberals are in an outrage that President elect Obama chose Pastor Rick Warren to deliver the invocation at the inauguration next month.  Supposedly the most vocal resistance is coming from the gay rights movement.  On the heels of the gay marriage ban in California as well as a few other states, they aren’t too keen on the idea of an evangelical Christian praying the president into office. 

I have a message for my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters on this one.  “Stand down and pick another battle!”  Its is silly and short-sighted to raise hell over this one.  For one, Rick Warren isn’t being appointed to any office here.  He is a minister and author.  He is not going to set forth any policies that affect the gay and lesbian communities.  If you do some research on him, you will find that he is one of the most forthright, honest and fair ministers in the country.  Warren is no James Dobson or Pat Robertson.  Billy Graham, (the traditional presidential preacher)  walked away after the election became official cause he didn’t want to deal with a black man.  Warren was the only minister who could pull off a presidential form the way he did.  He allowed each man to speak on his faith and not offer an opinion on who he thought was “morally right.”

Does Warren believe in gay marriage?  No.  But everyone who does not agree with you is NOT necessarily your enemy.  Faith as well as the precepts that support that faith are a personal issue and he has a right to his beliefs as you do yours.  Again if you read his works and listen to his messages, you won’t find a person preaching today who is less judgmental than Mr. Warren.  He’s been on the forefront of using his influence for AIDS prevention and awareness, holding an AIDS Summit at his church, with none of the slandering or gay blaming of other ministers.  Who was speaking against Warren as he reached out to Obama for support of that program?  People like Dobson and Robertson who are notoriously anti gay.  Additionally, he is a guy who will listen and dialogue with the gay community.  If one is willing to listen, you never know what could come of it.

I did a post on Rick Warren earlier this year when he was on Meet The Press with Tim Russert.   In the midst of evangelical leaders vying for position to bring more of the divide and hate tactics to the campaign, Warren’s words were so bright and encouraging, I could see the glow in Russert’s face to have a minister of the gospel speak with such love and perspective.  As a man who grew up in the church, loving its virtues and hating its hypocritical and judgmental ways, I felt good about Warren’s message, and even more so his presentation.  This guy has it together.  Of course you should fight on for what you believe in.  However, Warren is the wrong target!

**As an added feature, I am posting the participants of proceedings on January 20th.  You will also notice that Rev. Joseph Lowery (a pro gay rights minister) is also speaking and giving the benidiction.  Obama said this morning that the fact that Lowery and Warren do have some differences of opinions reflect why he chose them both as a reflection of our nation.  Thats a good thing.  What do you think would have happened with a McCain administration?

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Things I Hope Black Youth Learn from the Obama Presidency

Sen. Barack Obama will take a break from campaigning so he can visit his ailing grandmother.

Things I hope will inspire black youth regarding an Obama’s presidency: 

 

1. It’ts cool to be smart.  (I don’t want to ever again hear that to be smart is to “act white.” We come from a history of brilliant people!)

 

2. You can be both smart and cool at the same time.  (Look at the picture above!  Tell me who looks cooler than this cat?)  Plus he balls too like many of us.  The point is he balances his ball and his business!)

3. You can keep a calm demeanor when your haters come at you.  (Notice he didn’t say anything about Hillary, Palin, or McCain “disrespecting” him in the campaign. Even as some of his opponent’s supporters were calling for his life, < remember when Hillary went with the assisination comment earlier this year> he still kept his cool. )

4. Who you choose as a life partner is a vital decision, and he is all about home.  (For a man, women can either be king makers or dream killers.  Michelle is a real winner and she’s obviously his backbone.  Speaking of home, want to know what the Pres. Elect did the morning after the election?  He took his girls to school.  He understands his role as a father!  He even read books to his younger daughter consistently, even if he meant doing it from the campaign trail over the phone.)

5. You may or may not ever be president, but you can make something of yourself if you set goals and work towards them without quitting!  (There is a difference between reasons and excuses. Reasons may be stumbling blocks or circumstancs that cause delays.  But they can be oversome with the right game plan, hard work and perseverance. Excuses are just that.  They are the beginning of a lifetime of failure and demise.)