The Great Prophylactic Embarrassment

Condom.jpg

When I was in the 11th grade I was still pretty much a virgin.  I mean I had experimented with sex but it never really worked out.  Nevertheless I had a long relationship with a girl the year before.  She was a senior and I was a sophomore.  Her name was Tina.  Anyway we never really got through doing the “grown up” but nevertheless I bought a single condom at a local confectionary “just in case.”  I kept it in my wallet.

We did the prom and everything – no sex.  Even after she graduated we agreed NOT to have sex as a way of saving and respecting ourselves.  However, this guy she met who lived next to her dad’s house convinced her otherwise.  They were hitting the sheets on the regular behind my back – and soon she was pregnant.  I was in pieces – but we remained friends.  She married the guy and he went to the Army to support his new family.

The next year I was a junior.  I had no girlfriend but I was cool enjoying my time at school.  During that time my niece Crystal was born.  I was so proud of her.  One day I was walking the halls and I ran into one of the hall monitors at the time – an English teacher named Miss Bonner.  We got along great!  I figured she was looking to bust me for not having a hall pass during class.  So I was ready to proudly display it.  She didn’t go there.  She asked how I was doing and I said, “GREAT!”  I told her about my new niece and asked if she wanted to see the picture.  “Sure!” she blurted out sharing my excitement. 

I pulled the wallet out of my back pocket and began to flip through the pictures – the thing turned upside down and I showed  her the picture.  To my surprise however her eyes darted to something else.  Unknown to me while I was flipping the wallet looking for the pics, BAM!  The condom hits the floor.  Mind you there is no one in the hallway but me and the teacher.  MY TEACHER whom I had to see everyday!  She said, “Uhhh, you dropped something.”  I looked down and saw the poor unused thing that was of no use to me.  The jenk was so old and crusty it was starting to come out the packet.  I had forgotten all about it.  It was hidden in a secret department mind you.  Needless to say, as a friend of mine likes to say, “You could have bought me for a penny!” 

The look of embarrassment on my face was evident.  To get busted by my teacher by telling her I was having sex was bad enough.  She simply smiled and said, “Thats ok, at least your using safe sex.”  I sure as hell wasn’t going to bother trying to explain to her that, “No this old thing was something was gonna use had I had the chance to have sex with the girlfriend I had last year.”  I didn’t even know how to put the thing on I was so inexperienced.  It was a no win situation.  No explanation needed. 

As I began to sweat and feel the weight of the world upon my shoulders, I said something about having to go to class and tucked my tail between my legs and got ghost!  And what is the moral of this story?  I don’t know if there is one.  But I did learn that sometimes you just have to walk away and be misunderstood. 

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4 thoughts on “The Great Prophylactic Embarrassment

  1. Rich says:

    U tell it all, don’t u.

    Hey, the link worked.

  2. capcity says:

    tha’s actually an endearing story …

  3. Penal says:

    Somehow i missed the point. Probably lost in translation 🙂 Anyway … nice blog to visit.

    cheers, Penal!!!

  4. Tania Varner says:

    A great story I teach sex Ed classes in school; point HIV is in ST. CLAIR county area and higher in black males, there are new STDs cases 4 million a year and 50 percent are in age group of 14 – 24 years old. I think you made right decision.😎

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