Good Reading/Listening

There are times when I have conversations with my sons about life, or certain mysteries or share wisdom from observations I’ve gathered over my years.  I communicate in a way that they can understand and relate it back to their journey so that they can have a reference and a light towards the path they will chose.  There are times when after listening to me explain a thing to them they say something like, “Wow daddy.  I know what your talking about and I have always thought of it or wondered it but couldn’t explain it.  You hit it on the head.  Now it makes sense to me.”  It is at those times when I know my sons really look up to me for having a certain amount of wisdom.  They find me totally relatable and relevant, even necessary. 

This is the exact same feeling I get when I listen to the words of Sidney Poitier.  In his first book, “The Measure of a Man,” he talked about not only his life which is fascinating to say the least, but also his beliefs and how he’s come to realize the mysteries, the pleasures, the heartaches, the lessons of life.  This is a truly wise man who has a lot to share.

This sharing continues with his second book,  “Life Beyond Measure, Letters To My Great-Granddaughter.”  In it he writes a series of letters to his great-granddaughter telling the story of his life and the lessons he’s learned – indeed the lessons he is still learning and those questions he may never be able to answer.

This book is not about his movies nor his career though he mentioned it very briefly at times in some form or context.  Instead, Poitier takes a critical look at his life and honestly shares the greatest faults, pains, failures, triumphs and treasures from a man who couldn’t read when he came to America from Cat Island, Bahamas.  In a kaleidoscope of subject matters such as family, faith, traditions, fear, doubt, desperation, god, addictions, science, technology etc.,  Poitier deeply examines the issues of life and does not tell his great-granddaughter what to do, but instead gives her a window to forsee what her journey may be like – and gives her the freedom to decide for herself how she will view each of these subject matters.

I don’t want to say too much about this book.  It’s difficult to put my words together in a way to give justice to what I am receiving in my spirit as I listed to every word.  I will say that I am truly enriched and there has been an illumination on things deep in my soul that were hidden, or dismissed because I couldn’t dig them all out by myself.  Now I am able to at least tap upon a little.  Additionally,  my own level of sense of honor and integrity have increased since I started the book.  There are already things I do differently, certain standards I don’t allow myself to accept, little foxes if you will that I am weeding out – things that only I know about.  What a role model.  I am so thankful that he shared with all of us what he’s shared with his family. 

I suggest this book as well as his first to anyone on the learning path. 

As much as I love to read the words on the printed page, hearing Poitier speak in his own words, with his majestic teaching voice full of compassion and adventure gives the experience that much more.

Ideals vs Ridiculous Ideologies

          

I have had some pretty heated debates with blogger buddies as well as personal friends regarding the extreme reaction of the liberal and gay communities regarding President Elect Barack Obama’s choice of Rick Warren to participate in his inauguration.  I am on record as saying that any wise group will learn to pick their battles and that there are differences between ideals and ideologies.  To me ideas should be fought for.  The ideal of equal rights or equal pay for women for instance.  Ideologies are often a set of extreme beliefs that people try to push off on others.  I’ll give you an example:

So did you hear the story about the woman in Florida who says she got fired because she refused to answer the company phone with the greeting, “Happy Holidays,” because it was a against her religious views not to say Merry Christmas?  Well apparently she felt it was selling out to the mainstream to say anything generic regarding the day commemorating the birth of Christ.  Nevermind that we live in a diverse nation and some people don’t celebrate Christmas.  Nevermind that some people celebrate Hanukkah, some Kwanzaa and others none of the above.  Oh no, she couldn’t stomach the thought of considering that for one minute.  Instead she decided to buck her boss’s wishes and go “rebellion” by doing her own thing.

I have been in church circles long enough to know where this comes from.  Its the evangelical victimization thinking that Christmas and Christ are under attack by a liberal god hating society.  I remember having a discussion with a former co-worker who refused to go to the company “holiday party” as long as it was called a holiday party and not a “Christmas” party.  He wanted me to sign on to a petition to change the name.  I wasn’t buying it.  I know that some people are turned off by Christians bombarding them with their beliefs.  I know that some anal ACLU types like to drive the city looking for nativity scenes in public places so they can try to legally have them removed.  There is a battle for control of the culture.  Both sides of these and other arguments are often trivial to the big picture in terms of what we lack most in this country – RESPECT FOR OTHERS and their beliefs.  Both the woman in the above story and the anti-Christians are ridiculous in my view.  But I will deal with the Christians on this rant.

I have a few questions for Ms. Tonia Thomas and people who believe as she does – that to say “Happy Holidays” is some sort of sin.

1) Is there a Christmas Holiday in the bible?

2) Is there any record in the bible (which you believe is the authentic Word of God) of Christians yearly celebrating the birth of Christ – similar to the Jewish faith in celebrating the Passover?

3) Was Jesus born on December 25th?

The answer to all of these is a resounding NO!

Memo to Tonia Thomas and others who pontificate on such ridiculous treaties:  You can choose to celebrate Christmas anyway you desire.  That is what freedom is all about.  But to lose your job over whether you say Merry Christmas or not is ludicrous!  For one that is your JOB!  You work for a company.  That company has an owner or ownership group.  The powers that be get to decide how they want to greet their customers!  When YOU own your own business, you can say Merry Christmas, Praise the Lord, hell you can speak in tongues if you want to cause its YOUR business!  It’s no strike against your religion, nor is is a diss to Christ to say Happy Holidays.  I am sure Jesus is not turning cartwheels because you thought you were making a stand but merely lost your job because of your insubordination.  (Look that up in the bible about obeying those whom you work for)  I know you really thought you were doing something.  But sorry; this isn’t like someone asking you to deny your faith or worship Baal.  You allowed someone at church to soup you up into believing this rhetoric.  And it’s a shame.  But this is why folks can’t get along today.  You are NOT going to win over any of your secular friends by being a blow hard at a job that you don’t own over how to answer the phone that you don’t pay the bill on.  You are no martyr like Paul or John.  And Barack Obama won the election too – so get over yourself!  Folks are losing their jobs at an alarming rate all over the country, and you refuse to answer the damn phone the way they ask you to.  How stupid is that?  If I was your boss I would have fired your ass too.  “What you can’t do what I ask and I am paying you?  BYE!”

 menorahKwanzaa Clip Art

 

Glad I got that off my chest.  I’ve officiated more than a few basketball games in December.  A lot of them at Christian and Catholic schools.  When I congratulate a coach or shake his/her hand, it’s come quite naturally for me to say, “Merry Christmas” as I understand this is a special time for them.  I’ve celebrated Christmas as a child.  And at the same time never taught my kids to believe in Santa Clause nor expect me to break the bank for toys and gifts.  As well I will never question, judge, or disrespect my friends who teach Santa to their kids, no revere the Advent season.  It’s all about respect!  We need to learn to do more of that.

There are times to protect religious beliefs.  And there are times when folks are just plain silly and trivial. 

With that said, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and Happy Holidays. 

Peace and God Bless~

 

Unreported Crimes Against Humanity! Or Racism Run Amok!

Edna Glover holds a portrait of her son, whose remains were found behind a police station. CHANDRA MCCORMICK AND KEITH CALHOUN

For those who don’t believe racism still exist, and in its most wicked and deadly forms, check out the stories posted from the magazine “The Nation”. 

African-Americans were shot on sight with one of the white shooters comparing shooting black people to “pheasant hunting.”  The police were non responders and the media ignored it. 

One exert from AC Thompson the reporter:

“Over the course of an eighteen-month investigation, I tracked down figures on all sides of the gunfire, speaking with the shooters of Algiers Point, gunshot survivors and those who witnessed the bloodshed. I interviewed police officers, forensic pathologists, firefighters, historians, medical doctors and private citizens, and studied more than 800 autopsies and piles of state death records. What emerged was a disturbing picture of New Orleans in the days after the storm, when the city fractured along racial fault lines as its government collapsed.

Herrington, Collins and Alexander’s experience fits into a broader pattern of violence in which, evidence indicates, at least eleven people were shot. In each case the targets were African-American men, while the shooters, it appears, were all white.”

Some talk about the media being so biased, but these things were never reported.  Instead all they talked about were “looters” and other crimes that black people did.  I still find it fascinating how when white people were in the water trying to survive it was said they, “found” items such as water and food.  Black people “looted” these same items.

Anyway – these stories are incredible and one should take the time to read both of them.

Preach Preacher! Obama Chooses Right “Man of God”

Obama's inaugural  choice ignites outrage

I hear liberals are in an outrage that President elect Obama chose Pastor Rick Warren to deliver the invocation at the inauguration next month.  Supposedly the most vocal resistance is coming from the gay rights movement.  On the heels of the gay marriage ban in California as well as a few other states, they aren’t too keen on the idea of an evangelical Christian praying the president into office. 

I have a message for my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters on this one.  “Stand down and pick another battle!”  Its is silly and short-sighted to raise hell over this one.  For one, Rick Warren isn’t being appointed to any office here.  He is a minister and author.  He is not going to set forth any policies that affect the gay and lesbian communities.  If you do some research on him, you will find that he is one of the most forthright, honest and fair ministers in the country.  Warren is no James Dobson or Pat Robertson.  Billy Graham, (the traditional presidential preacher)  walked away after the election became official cause he didn’t want to deal with a black man.  Warren was the only minister who could pull off a presidential form the way he did.  He allowed each man to speak on his faith and not offer an opinion on who he thought was “morally right.”

Does Warren believe in gay marriage?  No.  But everyone who does not agree with you is NOT necessarily your enemy.  Faith as well as the precepts that support that faith are a personal issue and he has a right to his beliefs as you do yours.  Again if you read his works and listen to his messages, you won’t find a person preaching today who is less judgmental than Mr. Warren.  He’s been on the forefront of using his influence for AIDS prevention and awareness, holding an AIDS Summit at his church, with none of the slandering or gay blaming of other ministers.  Who was speaking against Warren as he reached out to Obama for support of that program?  People like Dobson and Robertson who are notoriously anti gay.  Additionally, he is a guy who will listen and dialogue with the gay community.  If one is willing to listen, you never know what could come of it.

I did a post on Rick Warren earlier this year when he was on Meet The Press with Tim Russert.   In the midst of evangelical leaders vying for position to bring more of the divide and hate tactics to the campaign, Warren’s words were so bright and encouraging, I could see the glow in Russert’s face to have a minister of the gospel speak with such love and perspective.  As a man who grew up in the church, loving its virtues and hating its hypocritical and judgmental ways, I felt good about Warren’s message, and even more so his presentation.  This guy has it together.  Of course you should fight on for what you believe in.  However, Warren is the wrong target!

**As an added feature, I am posting the participants of proceedings on January 20th.  You will also notice that Rev. Joseph Lowery (a pro gay rights minister) is also speaking and giving the benidiction.  Obama said this morning that the fact that Lowery and Warren do have some differences of opinions reflect why he chose them both as a reflection of our nation.  Thats a good thing.  What do you think would have happened with a McCain administration?

Things I Hope Black Youth Learn from the Obama Presidency

Sen. Barack Obama will take a break from campaigning so he can visit his ailing grandmother.

Things I hope will inspire black youth regarding an Obama’s presidency: 

 

1. It’ts cool to be smart.  (I don’t want to ever again hear that to be smart is to “act white.” We come from a history of brilliant people!)

 

2. You can be both smart and cool at the same time.  (Look at the picture above!  Tell me who looks cooler than this cat?)  Plus he balls too like many of us.  The point is he balances his ball and his business!)

3. You can keep a calm demeanor when your haters come at you.  (Notice he didn’t say anything about Hillary, Palin, or McCain “disrespecting” him in the campaign. Even as some of his opponent’s supporters were calling for his life, < remember when Hillary went with the assisination comment earlier this year> he still kept his cool. )

4. Who you choose as a life partner is a vital decision, and he is all about home.  (For a man, women can either be king makers or dream killers.  Michelle is a real winner and she’s obviously his backbone.  Speaking of home, want to know what the Pres. Elect did the morning after the election?  He took his girls to school.  He understands his role as a father!  He even read books to his younger daughter consistently, even if he meant doing it from the campaign trail over the phone.)

5. You may or may not ever be president, but you can make something of yourself if you set goals and work towards them without quitting!  (There is a difference between reasons and excuses. Reasons may be stumbling blocks or circumstancs that cause delays.  But they can be oversome with the right game plan, hard work and perseverance. Excuses are just that.  They are the beginning of a lifetime of failure and demise.)

 

Money, Moral Conflicts, & The Blessing of Personal Integrity

 $20 dollar bill

Ok, so I worked my ASS off this past week officiating middle and high school basketball games.  It’s been a marathon ride to say the least.  Since the first of December I have done 42 games.  Yes I said 42 which includes 18 over the past weekend.  Depending on the school, or the tournament the pay can vary.  But steady work is always good regardless especially in these economic times.  As an official, I am basically an independent contractor.  To get games, people have to recognize you for being consistently good and diligent in your duties.  (Not to mention the politics at times.)  I am still getting to know people though my name and reputation are getting out there. 

I found myself having a dillemma when I received my final pay for the games over the weekend.  The tournament director overpaid me by $20.   That’s easy to understand considering it was  a terribly long weekend for him.  Not only did he organize and direct the games, he also coached his own set of kids who made it to the finals.  He was trying to be in 10 places at the same time.  Well he paid me my dividens as we made small talk about the tournament.  He then thanked me and went about his business of putting up chairs and heading the cleaning crew.  Inwardly it seemed as if he may have gave me slightly more than he was supposed to.  I folded they money and slid it in my jacket pocket and walked away.

Once I got to the car, I counted the money to make sure.  YEP he gave me an extra $20.  What was I to do now?  Immediately I went evangelical stereotypical greedy excuse making Christian and said to myself, “Gee what a blessing!  Shoot I can use that extra money.  I’ll consider it a tip for all of my efforts!”

Then my conscious is like, “Negro please.  That ain’t no blessing.  The man made a mistake.  Give him that money back.”

I’m pacing in front my car, knowing what the right thing to do was, but trying to convince myself why I shouldn’t do it.  It didn’t work.

This is what came into my spirit.

“If you believe in the universal laws of fundamental right and wrong, karma and goodness, then you understand the blessing that was already before you as you were able to work these and many other games in the first place.  Your body is healthy, car is running, got a roof over your head and people like the job you do.  Are you willing to sell your personal integrity for $20?” 

The answer was a very easy one.  “Hell no!

With that I walked back into the gym and sought the director out.  He was paying some other officials and when I got his attention, I whispered into his ear, “Here, you paid me over by $20.”  A happy yet exhausted man’s eyes lit up.  He chuckled at me as if I were some kinda wierdo and handed the money back to me with these words.  “Merry Christmas.”

Surprised I said, “Ahh man thanks!”  I walked out the gym with the extra loot, thinking about how it would suffice as gas money.  But I admit that the money itself paled in comparison to that which I gained that cannot be paid for, my self respect.

10 Presidential Traits Every Man Should Have – From Schoolboi’s Playground

I am working on a post expressing what I hope black youth will gain from the presidency of Barack Obama.   In the meantime I wanted to share this one I got from Schoolboi’s Playground’s Blog.   I thought this was excellent and well worth remembering for all of us. 

10 Presidential Traits Every Man Should Have

1. Respect – Even the biggest asshole deserves some type of respect. You have to give some to get some.

2. Patience – We’ve all heard that patience is a virtue but not many of us have mastered it. Learn to not to panic and see how the cloud of confusion can drift away.

3. Open-mindedness – Want good advice? Go to someone you usually disagree with. He may just surprise you.

4. Enthusiasm – The best ideas draw the most criticism. Maintain your passion and your smile, and others will want to join your cause.

5. Accountability – The bigger the blunder, the greater the apology.

6. Humility – Knowing your weaknesses is just as important as touting your strengths.

7. Empathy
– Judge others in the context of their worlds, not yours.

8. Responsibility
– It doesn’t matter if you’re commander-in-chief or branch manager: If you don’t know what your troops are doing, you’re probably too far removed from the battlefield.

9. Initiative – Always talk more about what you want to do than what you’ve already done. The only person who cares about your résumé is the guy copying it at Staples.

10. Diplomacy
– A conflict-free resolution is the only sure way to avoid lasting collateral damage.

Most Notorious Thief! ~ Step Your Game Up!

Reading this recently reminds me to keep my game tight and not allow procrastination the great thief of my time to come between me and my destiny.  Working towards goals with patience is different than just putting things off.  I have to be wise enough to know the difference.

b-host-tfl.jpg

From Allister Begg –
Truth For Life Ministries

A LITTLE SLEEP, A LITTLE SLUMBER, A LITTLE FOLDING OF THE HANDS TO REST, AND POVERTY WILL COME UPON YOU LIKE A ROBBER, AND WANT LIKE AN ARMED MAN.

Proverbs 24:33-34

The worst of sluggards only ask for a little slumber; they would be indignant if they were accused of complete laziness.  A little folding of the hands to rest is all they desire, and they have a host of reasons to show that this indulgence is entirely legitimate.  Yet by these “littles” the day runs out, and the time for work is all gone, and the field is overgrown with thorns.

It is by little procrastinations that men ruin their souls.  They do not intend to delay for years-a few months, they say, will bring the more convenient season-tomorrow they will attend to serious things; but the present hour is so occupied and so unsuitable that they beg to be excused.

Like sands from an hourglass, time passes; life is wasted by driblets, and seasons of grace lost by little slumbers. Oh, to be wise, to catch the fleeting hour, to use the passing moments!  May the Lord teach us this sacred wisdom, because otherwise a poverty of the worst kind awaits us-eternal poverty that will want even a drop of water and beg for it in vain.

Like a robber steadily pursuing his victim, poverty overtakes the lazy, and ruin overthrows the undecided: Each hour brings the dreaded pursuer nearer; he doesn’t pause on the way, for he is on his master’s business and must not delay. As an armed man enters with authority and power, in similar fashion want will come to the idle, and death to the impenitent, and there will be no escape.

O that men would become wise and would diligently seek the Lord Jesus, before the solemn day will dawn when it will be too late to plow and to sow, too late to repent and believe.  In harvest, it is useless to lament that the seedtime was neglected. As of now, there is still time for faith and holy decision.  May we obtain them tonight.

Black Cannibalism, Or The Tearing Down of Tavis Smiley

 one.jpg

 

Lately, I have seen a lot of negative blog post regarding Tavis Smiley.  Needless to say he has taken some major beatings publicly.  I believe the culmination was in the way he handled himself during the presidential primary campaigns – specifically as it relates to Barack Obama.  During his weekly commentaries on the Tom Joyner Morning Show (TJMS), Smiley would take Obama to task, often harshly, and warned black people not to give Obama a free pass because he happens to be black.  Rather to make sure that he did not dismiss issues that are important to the black community.  The final straw seemed to come when leading up to his annual State of the Black Union (SOBU) meeting, he threatened to put Obama “on blast” if he didn’t commit to showing up. 

 

Meanwhile, Obama was in a heated primary race against Senator Hillary Clinton, and decided to campaign in battleground states like Ohio instead.  He offered to send Michelle Obama in his stead.  Smiley refused.  (In my opinion that was a huge mistake.)  With the backlash, Smiley backed up and softened his stance on the radio.  He was getting supreme grief from the black community who felt he was being shortsighted and unfair to try to force Obama to prove his mettle to the African-American agenda at a time when the race was so close between he and Clinton.  Black people who listened to him regularly felt Tavis was “smelling his own piss” and thought more highly of himself and his influence than what was warranted.  The contention was intense.  So much so that soon afterwards Tavis ended his stint as a bi-weekly commentator on Joyner’s show. 

 

Since then it’s been on and popping.  Obama beat both Hillary and McCain.  Tavis’ State of the Black Union is coming up again in February and among many bloggers he is being called everything from useless and irrelevant, to a book selling fool and whore to sponsors like Wal-Mart.  Reading these things I am forced to ask my black blogging friends to raise up off this cat for a minute and put some things in perspective. 

 

Let’s go back a bit.  Tavis got his start in the game by way of social activism at the University of Indiana.  He then became an aid to the first black mayor of Los Angeles, Tom Bradley.  Most of us became aware of him through the TJMS commentaries, as well as when he was host of BET Talk/Tonight.  He left BET in a very public dispute with billionaire BET founder Bob Johnson.  Johnson subsequently cut all news programs out of BET and filled those spots with booty shaking videos.

 

Smiley thrived in the midst of the breakup and became the first African-American to have a show on National Public Radio. (NPR)  Eventually he left that show from what he called a lack of vigor on the part of NPR to reach more black and diverse audiences.  He now does radio on Public Radio International. (PRI)  He also has a nightly show on PBS which he owns.  The SOBU started in 1999 and its purpose was to spur conversation among the black people about issues concerning black people.  Topics and themes have covered economics, the black church, AIDS, health-care, and diet just to name a few.  The panelist have featured some familiar faces as well as not some not so familiar.  In latter years especially there have been younger high school and college students who were able to speak from their own perspective.

 

Now here is where I challenge my fellow bloggers who seem to disdain Smiley.  Though I don’t speak for Smiley, I will give my take on some of your arguments of his relevancy or lack thereof as you put it. 

 

Some have written for example:

 

1) What is the purpose of these SOBU meetings?  What has ever come out of them.  It’s just a bunch of talk.”

 

2) What legislation has it ever gotten accomplished?

 

3) What is the significance of his “Covenant with Black America?”

 

The SOBU was a formed initially for conversation.  Before you can do anything significant there needs to be a conversation.  Once you have conversation its then incumbent upon the people who participate either by their presence or by television to act or spur more conversation in order to begin a movement.  After a few years, there were some mumblings about the forum merely being about talk.  Tavis responded to that concern and this is where the covenant with Black America came into play.  Its purpose was to gather black liberals and conservatives, educators and lawyers, activist and citizens, to find a set of prioritized common values that we can agree upon as being important to our community – and then present these priorities to the political candidates of the 2008 election.  The message would be in essence that, “These are the items that are important to our community.  And if you want our vote whether you be Democratic or Republican, you will need to prioritize these issues as well.”  The first book, The Covenant with Black America (Which Tavis did not make a dime off of) set the agenda after behind the scenes discussions and email submissions were gathered from the TJMS listeners.  I think it’s important to note that his approach was always inclusive of everyone within our community, not just the big names.

 

The Covenant with Black America

 

Tavis then took this “Covenant” and became the first African-American to hold presidential forums for both the Democratic and Republican parties in 2007.  Obama and Clinton did attend this forum by the way.  McCain didn’t attend for the Republicans, but names like Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney did.  In this form he asked specific questions that dealt with issues that concerned the black community from the covenant – questions that would NOT be asked by any of the other mainstream local and cable news network debates.  Never in the history of America had such an event happen.  And there was resistance too.  I got into a heated discussion with the program director of my local PBS affiliate who felt it was better to show an old black and white movie during the time of the forums – ignoring the significance of black voices.  Having enough influence to bring presidential candidates together during a campaign season shows that Smiley had the powers that be listening.  That alone can help to promote favorable legislation.

 

The Covenant in Action”, is a document of things each of us can do in our own communities to make a positive difference.   I happen to know this because I read it.  Instead of waiting around for the big movement – I use those suggestions in dealing with my own family, not to mention the young people I influence and mentor on a daily basis.  There is a wealth of information that anyone can do locally that makes an immediate impact. 

The Covenant In Action

 

For those of you who are wondering what benefits these specific books carry, again I suggest you read them before judging them.  I never thought the purpose of the books or the symposiums were to “change the world.” It was to give voice to different black voices from various backgrounds who we could listen to in order to catch the vibe from varying perspectives.  Have you ever watched “Meet The Press” – or any of the other Sunday morning shows?  God bless Tim Russert, and Tom Brokaw, but you’d be hard pressed to find any black faces on Sunday morning unless they preaching!  Ya hear me? 

 

As a side bar: When did it become illegal or immoral for a brother to try to get paid?  Do you feel he can make more of a difference if he were broke?  Does he not give back in the form philantrhropic ventures such as the 11 million he pledged to Texas Southern University for a communications school?  What about the jobs he’s created for people from his businesses and programs?  Is it bad for a progressive black man who has served the black community for years to have such a communication’s building named after him?  Is he robbing us or taking advantage of black folk? I mean WTF? 

 

Now let’s deal with the Obama issue.  Cause that is where I think Tavis lost a lot of us.  I totally agree that he took critique of Obama too far and it seemed personal.    By his own words, he came off as a “spokesman” for Black America and seemed to want Obama to prove his worth to African-Americans by answering to him.  Even if that was unintentional, it came off that way.  I understand and agree that Obama could not ignore us, but I understood like most the common sense that Obama could not go Stokely Carmichael on America or else he would never be elected.  I figured if he did his due diligence as a community organizer on the south side of Chicago and as a State Senator towards black folks, I can give him a certain amount of latitude.  Whether one agrees or disagrees with that thinking, still I think in some cases the form of heat Tavis got (some calling him a betrayer of his race) was also out of line as well.  If you study his work, truly you will find a man who passionately loves black people.  That should never have been questioned.  Still I took Tavis to task strongly for his behavior and felt he should reassess himself in this regard.  I think we were right to challenge him.  But clearly this has gotten out of hand.

 

You mean to tell me that we as black people can look at this brother’s body of work and just throw him under the bus for one disagreement?  Are we to discount his level of influence and what it has done to get our issues out there?  He accomplished to some degrees what he had in mind in just bringing our issues to the presidential forum.  That has taken years of service and hard work.   How many of us can gather the local leaders in our own cities to listen to us?  How about our neighborhoods? 

 

I am reminded of the words of a frequent guest of the SOBU, Dr. Cornel West.  He speaks often of criticizing one another in love.  There is no substance in being divisive and destructive in how we challenge one another.  If anyone has earned the right to be loved and appreciated by black people, it’s Tavis Smiley. 

 

Finally, I enjoy blogging and I really enjoy reading much of what I read from the scores of us who have this forum to express ourselves and share with one another.  We have to be careful to challenge ourselves as well not to become too self-grandiose in pontificating from on high.  In terms of Tavis, our response should have been, “Brother we appreciate your work and what you’re trying to do, but you’re going about this wrong!”  Instead we just went with the hate.  It was disgusting and sad to me.  Very sad.  We as black folk can be some fickle ass people. 

 

Cause while ya trippin – we are all glad that Obama will be our next president.  I saw Jesse crying too.  But it wasn’t that long ago that he was talking about castrating the brother.  A lot of them older Civil Rights brothers were hating on Obama because he didn’t come through their rank and file.  That’s another blog about the generation gaps between us.  But please my people, even if we disagree with one another, please let us continue to love and embrace those of us who continue to fight in the struggle.  Tavis is your brother.

The Blossoming Butterfly, Part 1

charelle-962

Parenting is a tough job.  To be a single parent is even tougher.  And if you are the parents of a child who had to experience a divorce between the first role models he/she ever had, it’s that much more challenging for the child growing up.   

Let me say up front, that there is probably nothing more devastating to a child directly or indirectly than to witness the breakup of their parents.  I regret that my children experienced that pain – and though I know for sure that my ex-wife and I were not meant to last forever, still I regret the affect it had on my children – especially my oldest daughter.  It has taken my first born most of her years to cope with and struggle in finding her identity and get a glimpse of her potential.  It also put a terrible strain on our relationship.

A major part of the reason for this (outside of the normal pains of divorce which would have been enough) is because she was given a lot of negative and at times false information about me from her mother.  She painted a picture of me that my daughter could not seem to shake regardless of what she saw with her own eyes.  Even as she witnessed me coming through to aid her mother and her brothers (my two sons) above and beyond child support, whether it was monetarily, morally etc. it wasn’t enough to take the villain tag off of my head.  Eventually she started keeping her distance in her mid teen years.  I understood that to be a growing up thing and I didn’t push her.  But after she got involved with her first love interest, soon after she pretty much decided she didn’t need me.  

As much as it hurt, I always made it clear to her that I was there for her no matter what.  And that I love her more than life itself.  Things got worse instead of better.  She got further and further away – resentful for some reason and I found I was always the one reaching out trying to prove myself with no positive feedback from her.  One day we had a big argument on the phone.  She went “adult” on me and said some horrible things.  It was the most disrespectful she had ever been.  I remember being so angry and hurt, that I called my mother screaming into the phone.  Mom actually ordered me to pull the car over till I calmed down, because she feared for my personal safety.  Speaking of safety, I remember thinking to myself that if she were not pregnant at the time, she would have gotten an old fashioned East St. Louis project beating for acting like she was grown and forgetting who the hell her daddy was!  I remember going ‘Godfather’ and telling my mother, “That’s it!  If we never talk again thats up to her!  I will never reach out again!  I am done…FINISHED!”  

Well my mom in all her wisdom explained that I couldn’t do that.  “You can’t disown your kids son.  You just can’t do it no matter what they say.”  She and those close around me said that my daughter will come back.  That she will come to herself after experiencing some hard times in life.  At that time I should be there ready.  Whew… I could never imagine that happening. 

Oh there were troubles alright. Sometimes there were fights with the boyfriend – me having to track him down for her car, house keys and cell phone.  Sometimes he was such a jerk I wanted to kill him.  Flat out!  But no matter what I did to help, I never got a thank you, kiss my ass or anything from her.  I would think, “Surely she saw what I just did right? I was Super Dad!  I just saved the day for all man-kind.”  NOPE!  She just got further and further away.  She had child one and two and neither of them would recognize me from T.I.  I pretty much gave up the fight and decided that I would love her unconditionally, and hope one day I could be a grandfather to my grandchildren.    

To be continued…

* Picture: My daughter age 9