Catching Up With Charlie Bubba

**Parental Discretion Advised

Been a long time since I caught up with my old friend from the neighborhood.  For those not familiar, Charlie Bubba is an old timer from East St. Louis who was a friend of my father’s.   A street philosopher if you will, Bubba has a funny way of seeing politics, religion, and just life in general.  Normally I catch up to him say once a quarter.  But with my schedule it’s been quite a while since I’ve had the chance to get his opinions on the comings and goings of America and the world.

I saw Charlie at Lincoln Park over the weekend.  As usual he had his potions with him.   And I brought a little something myself.  He was glad to see me; and I him.  So after exchanging pleasantries, and toasting a sad goodbye to the two young children shot to death by their mother a few days ago, I pulled out my recorder to get the latest. 

Me:  CB.  What have you been vibing on lately?  What you wanna talk about?   Jobs, POTUS… 

CB: The president?  You mean Beohner’s Bitch?  Ha!  That’s what I call’em.  I swear I think he must have some compromising photos of Bama or something. Cause he is one compromising negro!  I mean got’damn.  He’s the POTUS!  How you gone let a mufucka tell YOU when to announce a fucking jobs bill?  Security?  Shit.  He’s the fuckin president.  You got secret service under the bed when he’s doing Michelle.  You control security.  You spose to be running the motherfucker!  You don’t let congress tell you what the fuck to do.  Now he put his self up against the NF fuckin L.  On opening fuckin night!  Dumb!  You think imma be lookin at his ass?  Imma tell you what I’m gonna do.  Imma be lit up at the spot with some Henney in one hand, and some ribs in another, seeing what kinda JOB the Packers gone do against Breese nem’.  Shit.  I’ll catch up in the morning.  He’s putting himself last so imma put him last. 

Me: I heard they may move the speech up a bit time wise.  But speaking of Michelle.  Do you think she speaks her mind or shares her opinion on these things?  What do you think she thinks?

 CB:  Imma tell you what she thinking.  She’s thinking do she want to keep the drapes she’s got in Chicago when she moves back in 2012.  She’s thinking about what school she wants to send her daughters to.  That’s what she’s thinking.

 Me:  So who’s going to challenge?

 CB: Shit I don’t know.  Anybody with a back bone for starters!  In this country nowadays.  It’s who ever talks the most shit no matter how ignorant.  I guess Mitt or that Ken Doll country preacher lookin dude. 

 Me: Rick Perry?

 CB: Yea that mother fucker.  He’s a scary son of a bitch too.  Just on the gay thing a while ago he was like New York can do its own thing.  States rights shit.  Then after the fact, signs the marriage act.  He don’t know whether he wants to be a preacher or a politician.  Hell I guess they both the same right?  And what the fuck he talkin about he would do the fed chairman in Texas?  After he supported him?  He ain’t shit.

 Me: What about Palin?  Is she getting in or not?

 CB: Palin… oh that bitch is fine ain’t she?  I’d tap that Alaskan ass.  (laughs hysterically)  But she ain’t givin it up is she?  She is the ultimate dick tease.  Ridin buses every other month talkin shit.  ‘Imma run… maybe… maybe not.  Imma suck ya dick, no I ain’t.  Imma let you get it…. SIKE!’  Attention whore!  She should thank McCain every day for putting her on the squad.  I’d like to see her and Bachmann in a debate though.  Bet Bachmann would bitch slap her silly ass.

 Me:  But Palin knows bows and arrows.

 CB: Touché mother fucker!  (laughing) The point is that irregardless, they should do a reality TV where all them fuckers are in the house like The Bachelor or something.  You know some Survivor type shit.  Let America vote.

 Me:  (laughing)  I feel you on that.  Then throw Gadhafi  in the mix too!

 CB: Oh hell yea!  Is he the emperor with no clothes or what?  Talkin about, “I’m in charge.  Ya’ll keep on fighting.  I know they ran me out the crib.  Took all my guns, swam in my pool and stole my goat skin silk sheets and shit.  But I will not be denied.”   That dude been in the palace too fucking long.  That’s probably how Castro would act.

 After a few more sips and laughs I asked Charlie Bubba what else had his ear in the news besides the obvious.  He thought for a second and then his eyes brightened. 

 CB: Oh yea!  White chicks gone missing.  I ain’t even going there on how they report when blonde women goes missing vs. Blacks or Mexicans.  Fuck that.  What I wonder is when they show all these news reports about who dunnit, why and all that shit.  They never have a mother fucker on there saying, “Hey stupid bitches – stop meeting mother fuckers on the computer box and leaving the country with them!  Niggas is crazy.  You might get killed! I mean what these gals think gonna happen to them?  In these days and times?  Got-damn where they get their decision makin skills from?  They give the sob stories, but never talk about the dumb ass decisions in the first place.  That’s what they need to be talkin about.  Do a whole special report on it!  Have Soladad or Coop do a special on it.  They can call it, “Dumb bitches meet a man in public a few times, meet his friends, parents and shit then leave for Aruba.”  How about that?

 Me:  That’s kinda hard Bubba.  But I get your point.

Soon after that it was time for me to go.  Charlie Bubba’s getting old and not looking as good these days.  Physically, life has taken its toll.  But his mind is still sharp and his opinions haven’t waned a bit.  I wished him well and told him to stay up.  His last words…

CB: Flyers got that ass spanked in Georgia last week.  (East St. Louis Football Team) (Coach) Sunkett is dumb.  He shakes hands with the other coaches when he wins but walks off the field when he loses.  What he may not realize is that if any school ask the conference for tapes, they get them.  Cause everybody hates him for embarrassing these White schools.  Period.  They got that whip though again though.  Hope the kids be eligible so the state won’t fuck them over again.  Imma check them out tonight.  Playin some school from Kansas.  We’ll see.  If it ain’t one thing it’s another.

ME: Later C-Bubba

CB: C-Mac my dude!

 

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Charlie Bubba Speaks: On Obama, Bailouts and Admin Picks

“You know I keeps a private jet!”  – Boxer Floyd Mayweather Jr.

My East St. Louis Flyers football team is going to State!  They beat Glynn Ellyn (Chicago) 27-20 to advance to the title game to be played on Saturday, November 29th in Champaign, Illinois.  

The buzz about town is all about the team and when I went to the local pub last night I ran into my man Charlie Bubba.  I hadn’t seen “The Ghetto Philosopher/Anderson Cooper” of the hood since before the election.  It was time to get caught up on what he thought about the election and what was ahead for the nation.  Per tradition I had the bartender hit Bubba with his drink of choice.  From there, once again it was on.

We did it nigga!  What can I say?  Fouth of July will never be the same at the White House huh?  (laughing) I had to admit a nigga teared up a bit on election night.  Man the shit was unbelievable.  White folks was quiet as a motherfucker!  Went to work and they asses wasn’t sayin shit – like it was an ordinary day!  I was like ‘fuck it.’  They know.  I fucked with them though.  I was at work doing my thang, emptying the trash buckets and shit and walked in on a group of white folks in a meeting and said, “What cha’ll doing here?”‘ ‘ Ya’ll didn’t hear the announcement? ‘  Them white boys in the ties was like, ‘What announcement?’  I said, ‘Obama said all white people report to the cotton fields for orientation!’  (Cracking himself up)

“I heard that joke.” I told Bubba. 

On the real though – Charlie Bubba thinks Barack’s ass got a shit-load of mess to deal with.  Can’t get no worse.  First thang they got to do is get this corporate welfare under control!  You know that shit they call the bailout?  I mean damn!  Every company in the nation is crying for dollars!  But these Detroit motherfuckers pull up in a goddamn private jet to the fucking District to ask for some cheddar!  Is that shit gangsta or what?  I mean that takes some BALLS!  I guess first class wasn’t going to get it for these mafia ass niggas.  And the killa part is C, if they give these niggas the loot, hell you see how they rolling now.  Is that money going to help the company or their asses?  Shiiiiiit.  They saw this shit coming a long time ago and didn’t do shit about it.  I say fuck’em!  Cause as we know, they won’t put the money where it really needs to go!  And while ya at it, them union motherfuckers need to stand down too.  Them 70 dollar an hour screwing a bolt on the assembly line gangster ass mother fuckers need to back the fuck up too.  I mean damn!  The fucking gravy train is over.  They can’t pay the retired motherfuckers for paying their asses.  They need to come together and work shit out.  But I just can’t see it happening.  Either way the little man is going to get dropped off.  Jobs are going to be lost regardless.  Watch!

Chrysler CEO Robert Nardelli, left, and Ford CEO Alan Mulally testify on Capitol Hill on Wednesday.

What about Obama’s cabinet picks? 

I mean so far so good.  Nigga’s got some diversity up in the spot!  I like Rahm, he can be the bad guy to Obama’s good guy.  Mona Sutphen for Deputy Chief.  Holden for AG.  I like it.  I see he’s trying to throw Hillary a bone… hell a big fat ass bone.  But dammit that fucking Bill just can’t stay in his shoes!  I guarantee you he’s gonna fuck with Obama one way or the other for the duration.   I mean if any man has ever been a diva it’s William!  And it’s like damn, Obama’s trying to get her ass in there for a sweet power position – but William is just a major hater!  His hustle is his foundation, and he’s got too many connections around the globe with unscrupulous motherfuckers.  AND he still thinks he’s the fuckin president.  He hates Obama I’m telling you.  And he’s always gone try to outshine a nigga one way or the other.  So Obama is caught in the middle. 

In spite of all the critical things Bubba had to say about the current events.  He smiled at me.  It was a certain smile, a proud smile and I couldn’t figure out what it was for. 

“What man?”

I’m just saying C.  The cool ass thing about an Obama presidency is that he won’t let shit be all on him.  He’s gonna go old school Kennedy.  You know.. ask not what the country can do for you shit.  He’s gonna ask us citizens to do shit too to contribute to the national welfare.  And I can dig that shit.   I’m ready to contribute.  Hell I may even stop drinking…. some.  I mean damn you can only ask a nigga for so much! 

With that I slapped Bubba a five and started to walk out the door. 

Hey nigga… wait!  You goin to the game?  Pick a nigga up!  We going to State baby!

I gotcha Chuck!