Monthly Archives: January 2009

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Good For The Soul, Great For The World ~ Fathers Stand Up!

This is a sensitive subject matter for me.  I am a father.  Heck, I am a grandfather.  I am also a mentor to young boys and girls.  Some of my interactions are of the casual hit and miss based on time and opportunity.  And some are more intimately detailed.  Regardless, I see all children as our most precious resource.  I know that today kids are smarter, quicker and more savvy than ever before.  They have more access to technology and the fast pace of the world seems to fit right in with their ability to absorb information and the flavor of their environment.

Sometimes when you talk to little children, they amaze us as they seem to have the spirits of adults.  This is no doubt of God’s potential placed in them as they seem to be ready for most any challenge.  Still I know children carry way too much responsibility and stress these days as they are often left to fend for themselves as single mothers struggle to hold things together. Or oftentimes young parents may be too much into themselves seeking to live their glorious days and nights at the expense of their young.   

I’d be the first to tell you.  There is no manual to this thing.  Parenting is a huge challenge.  Still I believe that we have to stop and take notice of the young people around us.  In their eyes there is a hope, an anticipation, a longing to first find the love from their base.  (the parents)  There is a need for physical and emotional security from the base especially as they branch out to intermingle with other children.  There is a demand for direction and structure, so that they understand respect and boundaries.  There is a need for vision, for someone to recognize their gifts, talents and abilities and to teach and encourage them to pursue those and not just follow the crowd. 

As precious as our mothers and sisters are, I believe there is a need for strong men to provide a lot of the structure needed to help our young people succeed.  Images are important.  And the state of a man in a child’s life tends to determine many a fate of our children.  If  a strong and committed man is present and active, kids tend to stabilize.  If he is absent or out of place, it complicates and destabilizes.  This is not some sexist statement minimizing the abilities or contributions of women and mothers.  To the contrary, I am saying that they can’t do it by themselves and they have done far too much as it is trying to hold down both sides of the bar. 

Men and specifically fathers need to step up and dedicate their lives towards investing into their children.  Period!  That means financially as well as with their presence.  By presence I mean time, but I also mean making the best of that time.   There has been occasion for instance where I spent time with my youngest daughter.  And because of the schedule I hold working three jobs including writing, that I would pick her up and take her someplace, but my mind would be in rest mode or all over the place scattered as I answered calls and took care of business or arranged appointments while we rode to some place we’d go to.  But my spirit made me recognize that I was cheating my daughter out of my full attention.  I need to hear how her day or her week was.  I needed to listen as she talked about her relationships at school and the new accessory for her DS game.  I got with the program quick!  She gets my full attention at all times now.  We talk, we laugh, and we hug many times over.  She knows she has a daddy that will lead, love, and respect her as she makes her way through adolescence and beyond. 

I’m old school.  I believe in respect when it comes to kids and adults.  I still say, “Yes ma’am,” and “No sir,” even if the person is younger than me.  So I don’t tolerate any disrespect at all from young people.  However, I also know that I need to make a connection with them.  I need to look into their eyes, and likewise respect their gifts, talents, and the seriousness with which their issues mean to them.  It’s a two way street.

When men start to step into our places and take responsibility for our children, and then also to a smaller degree the other children we come into contact with, we will be setting the course for a better tomorrow for our families, our communities and our nation. 

Men, fathers, take your places!  It’s good for the soul, and great for the world!

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Good For The Soul, Great For The World ~ Mentorship

Point blank – there is no such thing as a “self-made man or woman.”   The world is comprised of the hook up  in some form or the other.  When I was laid off of my job of 11 years in July of 2007, I participated in a program that helped newly unemployed people with resume’ writing, interviewing skills and other essential items to help a person get back on his/her feet career wise.  One of the most astounding things I heard out of the several days of training, was the statistic that 85% of all jobs are given by reference or word of mouth.  In other words, only 15% of people are hired by way of having an outstanding or attractive resume’.  It only mattered 15% of the time how qualified I was per a job description.  Realistically it’s even lower than that because how silly would I be to assume that of the thousands of applicants that apply to any given position, that I would be the only or the most qualified?  Of the hundreds of jobs that I applied for in the first few months alone, how many recruiters actually saw my resume’?  And job fairs… they are really a joke to be honest about it.  But I digress.

The point is the world goes around via nepotism.  That is something we all should understand.  Everyday someone is playing golf, and one guy says to the other on the back 9, “Hey, so and so is graduating from college in a couple months, or is looking to leave his firm.  What can you do for him?”  Then BAM!  It’s done.  To a lower degree its like being a “made man” in the mafia.  None of that budget stuff matters.  Folks make room where they want, and deal with the how and why later.  This is very natural to human nature.  People like to be around folk they are comfortable with – and they hire on the basis thereof.

This is why we all need to take an active role in mentoring someone.  Those of us who have been around a little bit, have valuable experience to lend to the generation that is behind us.  And if you are blessed to be making a living, or living at least a portion of the life that you desire, no doubt you have received some help and favor along the way.  Somewhere someone liked you, said something good about you, pointed you in the right direction, or simply threw you a bone to get started.  It happens more than you know if you just take a look to count your blessings.

Not too many things are uglier in life than to see someone who received help, only to reach a certain level and act as if he/she made it on their own.  All of a sudden this person is not compassionate and doesn’t have time to give someone a break.  We all have made mistakes.  Every last one of us working any job have at some point done something to deserve getting fired.  Everyone of us who has a business have done something that could have put that business in jeopardy.  Rules and laws only matter in the whole scheme of things at the discretion of those enforcing them.  Sometimes our actions have caused us to suffer the consequences.  And sometimes we have received some grace that allowed us to move past a potentially costly indiscretion. 

So take the time to be a blessing to someone.  Grant an opportunity.  Give an apprenticeshipof some sort.  Take someone under your wing.  There are people who I know will look out for me.  And will dial me up if there are certain opportunities to be had.  In turn there are also others I look out for.  I let them know to ask me any questions or come to me at any time with concerns.  I hold nothing back.  There is enough out here for everyone to survive and even thrive when we are truly wise enough to understand the laws of nepotism and are unselfish enough to give as much as we receive on an ongoing basis.

Mentoring and giving back are good for the soul, and great for the world.

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Good For The Soul, Great for the World ~ Volunteerism

  

 

Some of my regular readers know I am a Missouri State Basketball Official.  It’s a job I really love to do and at times it helps to make ends meet too. 

I had the opportunity to do some officiating this weekend, volunteer style with a Boys Scouts troop close to Kimmswick, MO.  ( I am not talking about volunteer work that some tournament directors try to make you do when they won’t pay you when they are supposed to – where you have to threaten to go Jazmine Sullivan on them and Bust The Windows Out Your Gym)  I mean real volunteer work where you know up front you won’t get a check.

Anyway, it was my first time in the Kimmswick area, and I remember it most from the Great Flood of 1993 when most of the town was under water.  It’s a small and quite rual area in Jefferson County.  I took my daughter with me and she watched as the troops most of whom don’t play the game on a regular basis run back and forth across the court trying to make a basket.  Of course some kids showed more skill than others.  And there was one who looked just like Lou Ferrigno of the Incredible Hulk television series of the 70s.  I mean he was a good 6’4, built like he could enter and win a strong man’s contest, and could really shoot the rock.  I laughed as he shot three’s, scored easy basket after basket, blocked shots and then finally dunked…. all without smiling one bit except for the jokes I kept shooting at him every time he made another troop mate look bad.

I never joined the boy scouts as a youth.  But I did notice that even as I volunteered on the court, that most of the adults in the building were also volunteers who worked so closely with all of these kids over the years.  The scorekeeper with his scout gear had to be at least 75 years old.  The atmosphere was fantastic and it was a lot of fun.  The unity and spirit of the event was a beautiful thing.

You just can’t put value on taking time out of your busy schedule to volunteer for something worth while.  It’s a good and meaningful thing to give of your time and invest your knowledge into someones life.  People never forget when they are invested in.  And it’s good for your own soul as well to set aside time to give of your expertise without having to receive a monetary reward for it. 

So I encourage you to find something you can do for someone else.  It doesn’t have to be the Boys Scouts, or any other organization though there are many to choose from where the fruit of collective efforts already exist.  It can be something as simple as going grocery shopping for someone whom you know can’t get around as well.  If you are good with your hands, perhaps you can fix something for someone who can’t afford to pay for that kind of service.  Believe me, there are an abundance of opportunities for meeting needs within the community.

To help America be all she has promised, it’s up to us to give of our time and talents to those who need it.  When people are not invested in, we have to pick it up on the back end through detention, jail, or simply a mediocre standard of living.  An investment early into the lives of people will reap a long lasting dividend for all involved. 

Finally, those of us who receive help, (and we all do at times) must make sure we give back and pay it forward.

This will go a long way in helping to make America better!

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Good For The Soul~Great For The World

For all the negative things happening in the world today, there is certainly much to talk about and report.  This blog makes a habit of pointing out the news that people should know, offering critique where needed and encouragement where hope is evident. 

Even as we ready ourselves for the new president whom we hope will add some fresh and innovative ideas that will help our nation progress, I can’t help but think that his job and responsibilities are big enough as it is.  We would be doing him and most of all ourselves a disservice if we don’t do some things differently to help make our world a better place. 

And it’s great to have ideas.  But I think we have the idea that we are better than we are.  Because we have such quick access to information and analysis we sometimes forget that we have to put in the good ole fashion work.  Things aren’t going to get better simply because we analyze it with such ferocity and scholarship. 

For the next several days we will talk about some things that will help us accomplish just that.  As critical as I can be of what challenges us, I honestly do still believe in the power of what we can do locally to make a difference if we just make our minds up to do it.  We can still be a great nation if we decide to be great from the inside out.

Stay Tuned

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Blackberry Gate!

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Being the mainstream American cat that our new President Elect is, of course he rolls with a crackberryblackberry where he can IM, check his email and what’s hot on the news and sports web pages.  The Secret Service wants him to give it up as it could be compromised by hackers.

President Elect Obama wants to keep it because he feels as president one of the toughest things for him to do will be to maintain a connection to the live events and vibe on the streets of America.  He was quoted as saying, “I’m still clinging to my Blackberry. “They’re going to pry it out of my hands.”

I side with the President on this one.  For one I like the idea of my president not being isolated in a glass bubble at the White House where he doesn’t know whats up.  Remember the indifference of Bush when Hurricane Katrina happened?  As horribly as he acted, or rather didn’t act, I wonder if he actually took the time to look at the news to actually see what was going on. 

Also if the President is not worried that his text and emails could be hacked, that means that he has nothing to hide.  No secret lovers or clandestine deals that could bite him in the behind.  I am sure he will get the low down on how to use secured phones and web functions in order to conduct presidential business.

I find it refreshing that my president may click on ESPN, or CNN once or twice a day to get the scoop on the happenings.  I say keep it!

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Follow The Money~What Do We Get For Our Investment

Cash rules everything around me, C.R.E.A.M. get the money, dolla dolla bill ya’ll – Wu-Tang Clan

Never were truer words said about religion.  Well let me back up a bit.  I can only speak for my experiences.  My history with the religious institutions that I have been involved with are such that the collection plate gets passed around many times.  I have seen building funds erected from start to finish.  Was urged to give my whole check as a step of faith.  (Which I did once) Saw money lines some of which I participated in as a much younger and ignorant man.  (If you don’t know what a money line is just leave a comment and I will explain it.) Heard sermons saying that the equity in my home was not my money but God’s money and should be brought in.  (Even I was never that dumb.)

Let me say that I am pro financially supporting our houses of worship and faith.  They cannot function without our dollars.  If a church, mosque or synagogue etc. are helping people and are financially accountable to it’s membership then its a great thing.  Most of the charity work that’s done are through not for profit organizations of faith.  Too often however I see that many of our churches in particular (again from my personal experience) are more about building themselves up.  As congregations grow, so do the buildings and television ministries.  I think it’s cool that some ministries broadcast worldwide via television and radio.  But if you have ever looked at TBN or The Word Channel for instance, there are way too many.  They are just broadcasting their personal church services – they rarely have a global spiritual message.   It’s become a status symbol to have said ministry on T.V.  It’s a status symbol to have many ministers driving around in luxury cars, living in luxury homes, and wearing luxury suits to speak about god’s prosperity.

Am I against prosperity?  Certainly not.  I go to work most everyday!  I believe that ministers who make their own money selling books or within their privatized businesses that they invest in with their own salary for instance is the American way.  But far too many use the money of it’s donors to finance their lifestyles while the communities surrounding them are suffering.  I don’t believe we give enough back to the people who pour the wealth in.  I mean it’s sad for a person to belong to a church which operates in a multi-million dollar facility, give money to that organization and not be able to receive financial help if you need it yourself.  I can tell you most don’t do it.

Its also sad to see the rich and poor sitting next to one another in the same pews, and the rich not want to do anything to help or teach their brother or sister tp prosper as well.   I would think the faith environment is a great place to share ideas and help one another live the best life possible. 

Now any preacher will say that the money they ask you for belongs to God.  But if it’s not benefiting God’s people as a whole, starting with the people within it’s own circulation, then it’s missing the point.  Charity does start at home right?  Yet parishioners at too many churches cannot get financial support when in need.  The testimonies of most of your television ministries are utterly ridiculous in that they can send you pamphlets every month with color photos of the minister or the CD of the week.  You can be a “faith partner” and give mega dollars to them over a long period of time.  But if you lose your job and ask for an investment into your troubled household, NOT going to happen. 

I do know of one church that I have been involved with that believed in taking care of people before brick and mortar.  I know for a fact that they would go late on the mortgage if they had to if a member had need.  The pastor didn’t even collect a salary and still  may not.  I think he should get a salary but he knows that there is not enough in the budget yet. 

There is so much we can say here.  But the bottom line is that it’s up to US – the people who support these ministries to make people accountable to put the money where it needs to be.   Ministries are a great place to learn and benefit from collective economics where everyone who can participate can also benefit when in need.  Until we the givers become more smarter, spiritual, and more spiritually discerning for god-sakes, we are destined for to get more of the same.

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Tolerance… Religious Betrayal or Necessary Recognition

 

I have never been a big fan of the word tolerance.  To me to tolerate something is to put up with it.  I’d prefer words like celebrate, or acceptance.  It does not mean one has to celebrate something that he/she is not comfortable with, but at least “acceptance” has less of an edge.  It seems more peaceful.  Words mean a lot and the way we use and phrase them in certain situations set the tone.  Still true tolerance is still better than what we get at times when we refuse to disagree with someone without violence of thought, feelings or action.  

Most groups in my opinion have their challenges when it comes to tolerance, acceptance, or celebration on issues that run contrary to their core.  These are not limited to religious groups either.  Take the controversy over Barack Obama’s ministerial picks for the inauguration.  The gay and lesbian communities, as well as pro-choice advocates lost their minds over Rick Warren and his personal beliefs which opposed theirs.  I wrote a piece on that and also posted a column that someone else wrote talking about how Warren did his best to avoid getting caught up in the machine of the media wars concerning gay rights and abortion.  Sure he has his personal beliefs which are noted for the record.  But I didn’t recall him trying to force that on anyone else.  True indeed he supported the gay marriage ban in California days before the election.  He succumbed to the pressure put on by other evangelicals and added his name to the very machine he sought to avoid. 

Anytime a group is in a struggle, it’s difficult to learn how and when to pick battles.  I thought that to have a brain aneurysm over Rick Warren, a preacher who will not set Obama’s policy while disregarding Rev. Joseph Lowery, a pro gay rights advocate who also will not set policy, but will participate in the same ceremony was the wrong move.   The President Elect said all along during his campaign that he would allow differing voices to be heard within his administration, and he is keeping his word.  I also argued with several friends of mine, that at least Warren is not a hate monger.  If you look at the last eight years, there were no progressive ministerial voices at the White House.  As much as I disagree with some of the conservative voices out there – especially the extreme ones, I tend to figure their voices are strong enough that you cannot just shut them aside no more than they can shut me or my beliefs aside.  We can take turns running  Washington, overturning each other’s laws based on who has the majority, or we can try to dialogue with reasonable people who may disagree with us. 

For instance, is it not reasonable and possible that a Christian, or a Muslim may not believe that their perception of God endorses gay marriage?  Is it possible that a loving person of devout faith may feel that abortion is a sin under any circumstance?   Are we to just dismiss them as lunatics who need to be overthrown?   Its that kind of attitude that fosters this US against THEM mentality – where we never get anywhere. 

Some of my pro choice and pro gay rights friends simply reply to me that if the group were against rights for African-Americans that my stance would be different.  There is so much wrong with that statement – just on a personal level that I won’t get into.  Still I never bought into the idea that the gay and lesbian battle is the same as the ones being waged for African-Americans in this country.  But setting that aside, historically we have had to dialogue with adversaries for centuries on some level or another.  Lyndon B Johnson didn’t initially want to sign the Civil Rights Act of 1964.  He didn’t want to lose the Southern vote.  Kennedy didn’t want MLK to march in Alabama.  He asked him not to several times. You see it wasn’t just about the George Wallace’s and Bull Conner’s of the world that we had to deal with.  It was liberal thinking white people who were not fully convinced that they wanted blacks in their neighborhoods or dating their children – let alone have equal pay for jobs or god forbid be the boss.

  

I recall academy award winner Sidney Portier talking about how Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn were skeptical of what he would be like to act with on “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner.”  When they met, Hepburn didn’t even speak to him the first day.  Tracy was stand – offish too.   And they were liberals!  Portier knew that he had already won an oscar by that time, and if he were Paul Newman he wouldn’t have to take that crap.  And yet he understood that people like Tracey and Hepburn never met a black person who was not a janitor, a porter, housekeeper or cook.  They didn’t know any black doctors, teachers or lawyers.  So their scope was limited.  The hell we didn’t have to work with people who disagreed with us.  Hell most blacks do it everyday at work.  Sure it’s frustrating but it had to be done.  We had to and still have to pick our battles and not just try to overthrow every white person who does not see my freedom and passionately as I do. 

So why should the plight of gays any different?  Especially since many of them feel their battles are just like the one’s fought by African-Americans.  I’m just sayin.

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Politics in the Pulpit~And The Identity of Jesus

Its funny how people talk about the separation of church and state.  Wherever there are strong church ties, the state has never been separated in reality.  Most every law on the books has it’s base within somebody’s interpretation of a  holy book.  This is the case in most major nations.  One could argue that even communist places such as China and North Korea have their own versions of church and state when it comes to the worship they require to be given to their political leaders.  I think the thought of church and state being intermingled are pretty acceptable to most. 

The issue in this nation in particular where one of our founding principles is freedom of religion, is that often that the followers of one religion, (most of the time extreme forms of Christianity) tries to rule over another.  This was particularly true when we look at the heavy right wing evangelical movement that helped produce two Bush administrations.   Bush who claims to be a born again Christian rode that Jesus train hard for two terms.

I still recall a church service I attended before the 2004 election where the preacher said, “I can’t tell you who to vote for, but God would not have you vote for someone who’s for killing babies.” 

After that I spoke to a congregation I used to belong to, and I talked about how there are essentially two Jesus’ in this country.  One who is concerned about abortion, gay marriage and stem cell research, and the other one who cares about the poor, justice, and a person’s inward character.  One Jesus who is concerned about all people and another concerned about Americans who believe in Christianity.  One Jesus who was for bombing Iraq and one who was not.  One Jesus who is for evengelism, and another for colonialism.  One Jesus is poking his nose in the bedroom and the other doesn’t care how  person gets off as long as it’s consensual between two adults.  I was in one bible study where I heard a preacher tell a married couple that it as sinful for them to give one another oral sex.  (They never returned.) 

Who gets to speak for Jesus or God as you know him in these matters?   I can tell you from personal observation, there is nothing in the bible confirming nor denying the ethicality of oral sex for instance.  I can also tell you that there are many lessons to be learned from from a Ted Haggard, the infamous evangelical pastor who had to leave his post after he was discovered to be involved with drugs and a male prostitute.  (mostly male prostitute)  After three weeks of “intense counseling,” with four ministers, Haggard was said to be totally heterosexual.  Just as a side note, Haggard himself has said to his congregation before he stepped down that he struggled with his sexuality for most of his life.  Tim Ralph, the minister who said Haggard was delivered from homosexuality, said that it was just a short phase for Haggard.  There was no word on whether the good reverend was delivered from drugs or not. 

I find it particularly interesting that Haggard pastored a huge mega church all those years before, and that the congregation obviously found some benefit from being ministered to by a gay drug abuser.   I am sure many people “accepted Jesus Christ” as their lord and savior.  There were prayers given by Haggard to his parishioners, and I am sure some of those prayers were answered.  And yet when this little secret came out, he was taken down.  I mean where was God before the scandal broke loose and why did the church prosper if Haggard broke all of the moral laws?  What sins are really bad and which ones are just ok? 

Religion and politics are always intermingled.  The key is how we treat one another who don’t believe as we do, and how we make these differences respectful and functional within society.