How does one rectify anger?
I have known for years that I carry anger around for different reasons. And at times it has manifest iself in different ways. For instance, for most of my life I’ve struggled with depression at some times or others. I’ve heard that depression is in effect ‘repressed anger.’ I can believe that.
Most wouldn’t know about the anger because I am generally a “happy- go- lucky” person. When I am around friends or collegues at work this is the side they see most often. My natural make up is to spread joy and offer encouragement. I love to see a genuine smile on someone’s face. And I enjoy helping to create that smile whether it’s by some form of serving, saying a kind word or saying something humerous. I get a lot out of seeing other people happy.
Often, I find myself giving out a lot without asking much in return. Perhaps I get angry because I wish that sometimes people understood that I may need a little something something back. It’s natural for people to think that the “happy guy” is always OK and is never in need of attention or encouragement. And then sometimes when I do ask, sometimes folks are looking around strangly as if I asked for a first born or something. This is because they are not used to it.
“What you? Need something?”
Then there is the supressed anger that I recognize. It happens because sometimes I see things or feel as if someone may be trying to take advantage of the kindness I try to offer or the contributions I try to make. In those cases I get kinda stuck because in one sense I would like to communicate my displeasure. But in my nature if I do I try to do it in a way that preserves the other person’s dignity. I try to approach people the way I want to be approached. I try to avoid being too harsh or just letting them have it.
More times than not however, I find that this approach does not work. In far too many instances people seem to take kindness for weakness. And at some point it’s going to come out and I am going to go OFF. At that point that creates an issue of having to possibly repair the damage done within conflict of the anger expressing moments. I’m saying to myself, “Why could you not listen when I broke it down gently before? I said the same thing basically, except this time I added a MF or SH to it which finally got your attention.”
Then I am angry that I even had to go there.
The thing is this: Most days I can just move on and think of the positive and not carry this stuff with me. But at the same time, I find that many of these issues are not really resolved, but rather just tucked away till the next time. So then there is resentment on top of resentment – anger on top of anger
I know that anger itself is not a totally negative emotion. I know it has it’s place. But I am not sure how to use it to my advantage without doing or saying things against my nature.