Master Manipulator? Or Sad Girl? (From Fellow Blogger WitchyWisdoms)

A very thoughtful read!

 

Truth be told, I got the idea for this blog post by watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

And some of these women have supremely repressed issues that not only keep bubbling to the surface, but end up shaping their reality.

And it got me thinking… are the people that we think are master manipulators, puppeteers, or social chess players really that cunning? Or is fear the one running the show?

Like for instance, at the end of my infamous relationship, I called my ex boyfriend a sociopath. I was convinced that he had all of his ducks in a row and was playing a game with me in order to bleed me dry.

But upon further contemplation, I’m realizing that the moves he made that led me to believe he was psychotic were actually his feeble attempts at trying to hide his tracks. He would steal cash from my secret spot in my intimates drawer, and when I would freak out thinking I had lost money, he would suggest keeping a log of the money I put in there after a nights work or walking with me to deposit it in the ATM.

Sociopath, right? Well, not exactly.

He had an impulse, and a hunger to feed. His heroin habit was life or death, so he stole from me. In lucid moments, he would feel guilty and not want to do the things he’s done, so he would suggest honorable solutions to protect HIMSELF.

Where I thought he planned his abuse, like the reversed King of Swords who is indicative of a mastermind, I was giving him far too much credit. In actuality, he was swimming in a swirling pool of lies, depression, anxiety, and hopelessness, which is told by the Nine of Swords. His despair created the illusion of calculation.

Don’t be confused, that is not an excuse for him. Rather, a deeper understanding into the sadness that repressed emotions create and how they can shape your world. When I would ask him if he took the money, he would scream and shout and cry, much like the girls on that reality show. He was sad. And he was caught.

If you see a girl/ boy/ whomever who seems calculated, they probably don’t even realize they are doing it. They are guided by a hunger that they need to feed, and their impulse, their trauma, is creating a world in which it is the epicenter. If you’ve lost your husband and you fear so greatly that you will lose anyone else, that trauma is going to live your life for you, if not dealt with. It might show up by trying to gain someones trust by telling another persons secrets. Or giving yourself over completely to someone right away. Or isolating a specific, maybe less aware, individual so that you two become synonymous. And that is not creating a bond. That is creating codependency.

So if there is someone that you fear in your life that seems like a calculated shrew, take a closer look. There’s probably some pain there. And if this person is you, maybe it’s time to stand still and face the trauma. Stay aware, and stay witchy ( *)

WednesdayWisdoms: What Are You Grateful For? (From Guess Blogger Witchy Wisdoms)

It is easy for us to say that we are grateful for everything we have, but what does that mean? What is everything?

If we wrap up all of the intricacies into one term labeled “everything,” we minimize some of the most important aspects in our lives. So for this weeks practice, we’re going to make a list.

I want you to start out with a list of twenty things that you are grateful for. I know that sounds like a daunting number, but once you get flowing you’ll realize you have so much you never accounted for! You can start with some big ones: the fact that you’re alive, your family, that you have two legs (if you do) just to get the ball rolling. Then, slowly, get more and more personal. Is there someone in your life that makes it better? Is there a particular family heirloom that makes you smile every morning? Do you possess a skill or trait that makes your world a better place?

I wrote my list above. Look it over and see if it brings you inspiration. Then write yours out. REALLY set time aside for it. And when you’re done, post it somewhere you will see everyday. Above the kitchen sink or bathroom mirror. Somewhere super visible. Post it with a mala or your favorite crystal. Bring some light and energy into it. The more emphasis you place on this list, and the more reminders that you have to be grateful, the less space you will have in your heart for the negative.

And you are highly encouraged to KEEP ADDING! If you think of something new to be grateful for, pop that bad boy of the list and watch it add some more shine. Sprinkle it with glitter. Kiss it with lipstick. Love that list because it makes your world great.

Stay grateful, and stay witchy ( *)

Being Alone: From fellow blogger Witchy Wisdoms 4/19/17

This sister has some deep and very meaningful messages. Wanted to share this one.  Enjoy or reflect.  Thanks Witchy!

WednesdayWisdoms: Being Alone

I think a lot of the reason why we dive into unhealthy behaviors is because we’re afraid of being alone. It can be terrifying to be by ourselves and faced with our truths, so we run in a myriad of ways.

When I started this blog and publicly dove into the depths of my mind, I was all alone swimming in a scary pool of self doubt. But I needed to explore the depths before going back to the surface. It cleansed me.

So for this weeks practice, I want you to be alone. Read a book, write in a journal, do a yoga session, make jewelry, read your own tarot cards, do arts and crafts, take a bath, literally ANY hobby. But do it without distraction. Not with a glass of wine. Not while the TV is on. Not with a huge bag of chips or candy.

Go on a date with yourself and see what you find. What is intriguing in your mind? Do you find that inner critic coming up? Can you follow the advice from last Wednesday to quiet it?

Spend at least an hour doing this solitary activity, and then, when you are done, write down how you feel. Write down what you learned. Make concrete observations and force yourself into self awareness.

The more you practice this, the more you will learn to appreciate yourself. You will open up a Pandora’s Box of creativity, but maybe not until you flush out some monsters. This exercise, over time, will increase your confidence because YOU will know YOU inside and out.

It might be scary at first, and if it is, write it down. Write down why. Show yourself some compassion for being scared. It takes courage to face your truth.

So get out of your comfort space, get alone, and stay witchy ( *)

Hey Rush… Healthcare’s Been Passed – Get To Steppin BEEEACH!

 Rush Limbaugh Costa Rica

 Of course his punk ass ain’t goin nowhere!  All talk!!!!!!!!

By Boyce Watkins, PhD on Mar 23rd 2010 9:44AM

Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh gave America reason for hope recently, when he made a public pledge to move to Costa Rica if health care reform were to pass through Congress. In a move that pleased many of those who would like for Limbaugh to return to the rock from which he came, Limbaugh promised that if Obamacare were implemented, he would make the big move to the country whose health care system he respects:”If this passes, and it’s five years from now and all that stuff gets implemented — I am leaving the country. I’ll go to Costa Rica.”

What’s most ironic about Limbaugh’s pledge is not just the fact that millions of Americans would love to see Limbaugh leave the country, but that Costa Rica has a far more socialized health care system than we have here in the United States. Not only does the country provide universal health care coverage for its citizens, but the country has a strong public option. The system also works quite well, as Costa Rica has a life expectancy second to only Canada in the Western Hemisphere. The country’s health program was rated “excellent” by a study in the American Journal of Public Health.

So, Limbaugh inadvertently did his liberal enemies a huge favor by drawing attention to the country whose socialist health care system he admires. Limbaugh, one of the right wing talking heads who constantly rants about Obama’s alleged socialist plot to take over the world, has (surprise) put his foot in his mouth.

Of course, once health care reform passed through the House of Representatives, Limbaugh started back pedaling. If it seems as though he’s being a hypocrite for running away from his previous pledge, the answer is “yes.” Limbaugh, the man who once argued that drug addicts should go to prison, is himself a recovering drug addict. But Limbaugh fully understands that he is a clown-like public figure only meant for entertainment. It is our fault for actually taking him seriously.

This incident also points out one other important truth about Limbaugh that the world has yet to fully realize: The man is not very smart. He is uneducated (well, he did get his high school diploma), and a terrible person to be in a position of influence within American politics. His public smack down of black Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele reiterates the fundamental disrespect that he has for black people as well. I jokingly refer to Limbaugh as part of my “Axis of Ignorance,” including himself, Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly. When these three men are off the air, that will be a huge step toward living in a truly post-racial America. Their very existence as prominent media figures is a manifestation of the fact that we’ve got a long way to go.

Step Off – Interesting Take on National Stepshow in Atlanta

By JASON WHITLOCK
The Kansas City Star

In the final days of Black History Month, in the city that gave us Martin Luther King Jr., we, African-Americans, surrendered yet another acre of the moral high ground as it pertains to racial equality.

Channeling our inner Glenn Beck, we bitched and moaned last week so loudly about the results of a national step-show competition won by an all-white sorority that we provoked Coca-Cola/Sprite to retroactively name a black co-winner.

I’m not joking. On Feb. 20, the ladies of Arkansas’ Zeta Tau Alpha shocked their black competitors, winning Sprite’s made-for-TV, Ludacris-hosted “Step Off” and $100,000 in scholarship money.

Stepping is a form of competitive, stomp-and-clap dancing done by traditionally black college fraternities and sororities.

Zeta Tau Alpha’s victory is the equivalent of 21-year-old Tiger Woods winning the Masters in 1997.

Imagine the reaction had former Augusta National chairman Hootie Johnson and the PGA Tour announced five days after Tiger’s historic victory that an unexplained “scoring discrepancy” meant Tiger had to share his green jacket with Phil Mickelson.

Yep, the Masters would now be called the Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton Invitational.

Here’s what to call the Sprite Step Off: Tea for the Party.

The troubling element of the tea party movement that is fueled by racial animosity has a story to share at the next gathering. The moral of the story will be that black people have no issue with being just as discriminatory as the white power structure they rail against.

There’s no other way to interpret what happened in Atlanta, the birthplace of King.

Four black judges and an Albanian — Chilli of the group TLC, R&B singer Monica and choreographers Devyne Stephens, Zack Lee and Aris Golemi — awarded the crown to ZTA, the lone white participant.

“Let me reiterate, this is from the judges’ scores,” Ludacris told the nearly all-black crowd inside Atlanta’s Civic Center. “They tallied the judges’ scores up. They double-checked the judges’ scores. So you need to understand that the first-place winner is … Zetas.”

The crowd booed lustily and disgustingly.

Members of Delta Sigma Theta walked off the stage.

In the aftermath, bigots put on the KKK hoods of the new millennium — Internet anonymity — and flooded message boards and YouTube with ridiculous postings about “cultural robbery,” the inferiority of ZTA’s performance and conspiratorial rants.

Last Thursday, Coca-Cola/Sprite buckled — and/or enhanced MTV2’s “Sprite Step Off” TV show — elevating the second-place finisher, Indiana University’s Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority, to co-champion.

“Due to the extremely narrow margin between the first- and second-place winning sororities, we conducted a further post-competition review and discovered a scoring discrepancy,” Coca-Cola said in a statement. “There is no conclusive interpretation, nor definitive resolution for the discrepancy.”

On Tuesday, I contacted Coca-Cola looking for additional comment. Lori George Billingsley, Coca-Cola’s director of community and multicultural communication, said the company had no further comment beyond the statement.

She confirmed that there were five judges, but she said Coca-Cola wouldn’t release their names or identify their race, which I hunted down.

I did talk to AKA national spokeswoman Melody McDowell. She was pleasant but reluctant to address the critical issues.

I asked her about the obvious double standard illustrated in this incident and whether she was concerned about sending a dangerous message.

“We haven’t been focused on any controversy,” McDowell said. “Our girls just came to step and win a scholarship. Whatever happened, there were two winners. I think everyone walked away happy.”

Yes, white bigots were happy because they walked away with a new justification for their bigotry. And black bigots were happy because they could take pride in shaking down Sprite for $100K in scholarship money for the AKAs.

Everyone’s a winner!

Except for those of us interested in fairness. Except for those of us wise enough to realize the foolishness of black folks throwing away the moral high ground on race in such a reckless manner.

Almost two decades ago, as a way to promote unity on the Arkansas campus, the AKAs invited all the white fraternities and sororities to participate in an annual step competition. Zeta Tau Alpha has been the most diligent and passionate white Greek organization in the step show. The Arkansas AKAs taught the Zetas how to step.

ZTA’s victory in the “Sprite Step Off” should have been a wonderful national story about inclusiveness and embracing activities outside your culture.

The crowd at the Civic Center cheered wildly during the Zetas’ “Matrix”-inspired performance. It wasn’t until the results were revealed that the audience turned on the white sorority and rained boo-birds.

“We just tried to ignore it,” ZTA dancer Alexandra Kosmitis told me Tuesday. “We really didn’t know what to do. It was the first time we’ve stepped where there wasn’t 100 percent acceptance and support. But before this, we’d only competed locally.”

Reminds me of Jack Johnson, the first black heavyweight boxing champion. For years he was denied an opportunity to fight for the title. White critics blasted him for a deliberate and intelligent fight style, the same strategy that made “Gentleman Jim” Corbett a beloved champion before Johnson.

When Johnson finally won the title, white people begged for a “Great White Hope” to beat Johnson.

In our continued fight for equality, why have we strayed so far from the moral high ground Martin Luther King placed us on? Are we in need of a “Great Black Hope”?

Maureen Dowd Breaks It Down!

Pretty much what I have been saying all along!  Dowd gives us a little history on the Southern Senator.

Boy, Oh, Boy

9/13/2009

WASHINGTON

The normally nonchalant Barack Obama looked nonplussed, as Nancy Pelosi glowered behind.

Surrounded by middle-aged white guys — a sepia snapshot of the days when such pols ran Washington like their own men’s club — Joe Wilson yelled “You lie!” at a president who didn’t.

But, fair or not, what I heard was an unspoken word in the air: You lie, boy!

The outburst was unexpected from a milquetoast Republican backbencher from South Carolina who had attracted little media attention. Now it has made him an overnight right-wing hero, inspiring “You lie!” bumper stickers and T-shirts.

The congressman, we learned, belonged to the Sons of Confederate Veterans, led a 2000 campaign to keep the Confederate flag waving above South Carolina’s state Capitol and denounced as a “smear” the true claim of a black woman that she was the daughter of Strom Thurmond, the ’48 segregationist candidate for president. Wilson clearly did not like being lectured and even rebuked by the brainy black president presiding over the majestic chamber.

I’ve been loath to admit that the shrieking lunacy of the summer — the frantic efforts to paint our first black president as the Other, a foreigner, socialist, fascist, Marxist, racist, Commie, Nazi; a cad who would snuff old people; a snake who would indoctrinate kids — had much to do with race.

I tended to agree with some Obama advisers that Democratic presidents typically have provoked a frothing response from paranoids — from Father Coughlin against F.D.R. to Joe McCarthy against Truman to the John Birchers against J.F.K. and the vast right-wing conspiracy against Bill Clinton.

But Wilson’s shocking disrespect for the office of the president — no Democrat ever shouted “liar” at W. when he was hawking a fake case for war in Iraq — convinced me: Some people just can’t believe a black man is president and will never accept it.

“A lot of these outbursts have to do with delegitimizing him as a president,” said Congressman Jim Clyburn, a senior member of the South Carolina delegation. Clyburn, the man who called out Bill Clinton on his racially tinged attacks on Obama in the primary, pushed Pelosi to pursue a formal resolution chastising Wilson.

“In South Carolina politics, I learned that the olive branch works very seldom,” he said. “You have to come at these things from a position of strength. My father used to say, ‘Son, always remember that silence gives consent.’ ”

Barry Obama of the post-’60s Hawaiian ’hood did not live through the major racial struggles in American history. Maybe he had a problem relating to his white basketball coach or catching a cab in New York, but he never got beaten up for being black.

Now he’s at the center of a period of racial turbulence sparked by his ascension. Even if he and the coterie of white male advisers around him don’t choose to openly acknowledge it, this president is the ultimate civil rights figure — a black man whose legitimacy is constantly challenged by a loco fringe.

For two centuries, the South has feared a takeover by blacks or the feds. In Obama, they have both.

The state that fired the first shot of the Civil War has now given us this: Senator Jim DeMint exhorted conservatives to “break” the president by upending his health care plan. Rusty DePass, a G.O.P. activist, said that a gorilla that escaped from a zoo was “just one of Michelle’s ancestors.” Lovelorn Mark Sanford tried to refuse the president’s stimulus money. And now Joe Wilson.

“A good many people in South Carolina really reject the notion that we’re part of the union,” said Don Fowler, the former Democratic Party chief who teaches politics at the University of South Carolina. He observed that when slavery was destroyed by outside forces and segregation was undone by civil rights leaders and Congress, it bred xenophobia.

“We have a lot of people who really think that the world’s against us,” Fowler said, “so when things don’t happen the way we like them to, we blame outsiders.” He said a state legislator not long ago tried to pass a bill to nullify any federal legislation with which South Carolinians didn’t agree. Shades of John C. Calhoun!

It may be President Obama’s very air of elegance and erudition that raises hackles in some. “My father used to say to me, ‘Boy, don’t get above your raising,’ ” Fowler said. “Some people are prejudiced anyway, and then they look at his education and mannerisms and get more angry at him.”

Clyburn had a warning for Obama advisers who want to forgive Wilson, ignore the ignorant outbursts and move on: “They’re going to have to develop ways in this White House to deal with things and not let them fester out there. Otherwise, they’ll see numbers moving in the wrong direction.”