Things of Kings, Queens, Jesters and Social Media

In this fun and entertaining tool we use called Facebook to amuse, share, rant, and express ourselves, I often read little signs with quotes about what makes a good man, a good male partner. I tend to agree with most of them but rarely if ever do I see any signs for what a woman should aspire to as it relates to what is expected of them. So ‘imma’ share a little ditty of what I’ve learned over my time.

Ladies: One vital quality that GOOD value in a woman is loyalty; Loyalty in terms of loving and supporting him regardless of his status. In other words, does he know you have his back and do you celebrate him the when he has little the same as when he has much?

What about when he loses some confidence. Do you pick him up and believe in him and make him feel safe in the confines of your embrace? Or do you kick him and make him feel less than a man, as if his value is based solely on his performance. In other words is it like the NBA where he gets in a shooting slump and instead of sticking by him saying, “No worries, you’re my guy keep on shooting,” or do you want to put him on the trading block and bring in a free agent?

The Hunt<br /><br /><br />
Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater<br /><br /><br />
Choreography by Robert Battle<br /><br /><br />
Credit photo: ©Paul Kolnik<br /><br /><br />
paul@paulkolnik.com<br /><br /><br />
nyc  212-362-7778

Do you trust his counsel and believe in his vision? Or must you hear the same words he gave you from the preacher or an outside source in order to believe it? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard brothers say, “Man I told my lady ‘such and such’ for a long time. She always dismissed it. But when the pastor preached on it she got a revelation.

Do you invest in the relationship as much as you did when you were trying to get the dude in the first place? They say, “The man is the head. But the woman is the neck that turns the head.” Do you speak to him politely using your charms to influence his heart, swing from the poles in the bedroom dazzling him with your sexual exploits with great enthusiasm like you did back in the day to keep it hot and smoking? Of did you become comfortable and less ambitious? “I ain’t got to do all that no more.”

Hey, I agree that it’s hard out here for women. I really do. And that’s why I used the word GOOD when describing this kind of man. I wouldn’t ask or expect you give all of your goodies to a fool. I would say leave the fool to foolish women in turn. Don’t try to make a good man out of a fool, cause then you’re playing yourself! . Give the kingdom to a fool and it won’t make him king worthy! He will merely destroy it. And if you went that route and failed, then don’t blame the good brother for the crimes of the fool you chose to try to make into a king.

Revelations: Choreography by Alvin Ailey<br /><br /><br />
Alvin Ailey American dance Theater<br /><br /><br />
Credit photo: ©Paul Kolnik<br /><br /><br />
paul@paulkolnik.com<br /><br /><br />
nyc  212-362-7778

But if you got a good man, a man that is not only dedicated to you but to being the best man he can be for you and the things concerning you, treats you like gold etc.;  then dammit you need to learn how to treat him and how to work it. And trust me when I tell you, when you know how to work it and make that dude the priority he needs to be, giving him that input, the wisdom, love, and encouragement that only you can, you best believe you will in turn receive ALL of the rewards on the other side of the storms that life will bring. So if you want a king, be a queen!

Now think on THAT!

(pictures from the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater)

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Good For The Soul, Great For The World ~ Full Circle

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This week we talked about just a few things that are good for the soul and great for the world.  The phrase was coined as a way of saying that when something is done in justice and truth with the intent of blessing others, a blessing is also automatically generated for the person doing the deed. 

When the scriptures talk about how it is more blessed to give than to receive, I always figured that when one is supplying something, that means first he possesses something to provide.  (Which is a blessing already as opposed to needing something.)  But also just for the sake of seed sowing or karma, giving blessings also open doors for you to recieve your own when needed.

It is with this in mind that I want to remind us that we have to invest into ourselves as well.  By that I mean we can only give and bless to the degree that we are fulfilled and functional within.  If we are stressed, worried and angry it’s difficult not to reflect that energy back into the world.  Giving will only be so effective as there will be a level of resentment and hurt because of our own unfulfilled need for love and security.  If we are free and flowing with the universe as it pertains to our peace and purpose, the fruits will be that much sweeter as we extend benevolence to one another.

So inward investment is in order.  Charity (love) starts at home – so we must learn to love ourselves and appreciate what we have inside.  We must recognize and acknowledge the gifts and talents we posess and believe that they are a blessing to others.  We also have to learn to accept the gifts that are available from others and deem them necessary for our own development.

What am I saying?  Its time to invest in yourself!  That means taking an inventory of your life – seeing where you are and where you want to be.  What is it going to take to get you there?  What steps are necessary for you?  What books do you need to read?  What are the initial phases of change that need to happen?  Who are some people who can help you? 

Look inward and ackowledge who you really are on both the good and the not so good sides.  Decide what kind of person do you really want to be.  How much integrity do you REALLY want to live with?  How far are you willing to discipline yourself to reach that level?

All these questions need to be answered if you are going to live your best life.  Time is short and we don’t know how much of it we have left.  But we do have the moment and if we build those moments piece by piece, we can accomplish goals and be a witness to other people the a life of peace and success is possible. 

By success I don’t mean money – though there is money to be made.  Successful people are people who have worthy goals and plans and follow through on them.  Successful people are focused and directed – they make things happen for the good even if no one else can see the progress for the moment.  Most times when we see someone who is a success, we see the finished product, but were not around to see the price that was paid to get to that point.

There are no quick fixes, but investing in your own goals, peace, and happiness is a great way to start your life that is good for your soul, and great for your world.

Be good to yourself~

Grace & Peace

The Blueprint ~ Finishing the Year Righteous!

I live that thug life baby I’m hopeless – smoking off indo tryin to keep my focus!  – Tupac

Familia~

First I have to say Thank God for that xtra hour – cause it was on point today!

Anyway with a little less than two months remaining in 2008, (man does the time fly) it’s time for me to step my game up in a few areas.  I decided to put it on out there on record so my friends can hold me accountable to my goals.  My first set are for the last couple months or by the New Year.  After that I will drop the 09 personal and professional goals.  With that said feel free to comment and ask me anytime how I am doing in said areas – and I will answer honestly of course.  So here goes!

Vote Barack Obama in for president! – Hey, this is at the top of my food chain of things to do.  Not sure whether I will make it early or after work to the polls – but I will be casting my vote for this life changing moment in time!

Discipline My Temple: Ok, so I am not a fat slob or anything, but still I need lose 20-25 lbs.  Currently I am hovering slightly above 200lbs.  Idealistically I need to be between 175-180 lbs.  Realistically I can rock it at 180-185 and be relatively comfortable.   That means feeling energetic and fitting in all of my pants!  I am a health concious person – and am disciplined enough to fast and drop 15 lbs with the quickness – but my challenge is eating healthy on an ongoing basis.  I love to eat – flat out.  And I love a cold beer after a long day to help take the edge off.  So balance and temperance are in order for me to make good choices.  By Jan 1st, I will not weigh over 185 – PERIOD!

Embrace The Day: This morning I woke up in a wonderful place.  I felt in tuned with my spirit and was ready to take on day.  I put myself in the mind to make a positive contribution and to remain calm – ready to accept the challenges and give grace where needed, wisdom where asked, and peace to all whom I come into contact with.  I don’t know how many days I have left in this life – but to look at each day as a gift and an opportunity rather than “just like any other day” is my goal.  I don’t want to carry yesterday’s junk into tomorrow.  I want to fully live in the present moment with gusto – while being able to learn from the past and project goals for the future.  So for this I need to continue to feed my spirit the things it needs to thrive and connect with the power of the universe.  I want to flow with what is already in place and manifest my destiny.

Step up My Daddy Game: Most of the time I have adjusted well to the changing needs of my children.  But for my baby, I seemed to have missed the mark.  In her desire to please me I never know the difference as she “acts” happy and joyful when we are together.  However, she is probably growing and maturing at a faster pace than I have noticed.  Plus I think I will always look at her as my little girl.  So I need to regroup and bring her closer to me so that by the time she’s a teen she is not missing what she needs from me.  I am very concerned about this – so I just plan to shower her with love and pray I get the answers I need to provide the spiritual and emotional security she needs from dad. 

Finish Small Book: I am working on a book I believe will really benifit the youth (mainly young men from 16-25).  It’s at least half done but I need to finish it so that I can make the connections I need to have it edited, published, marketed, and into the hands of those who will benefit from the things that are shared in it.  Again this is part of my destiny and purpose for being here.  So I can’t devote all of my time to corporate America and the day to day “busy work” of errands, fun etc.  In the words of Dr. James Farmer (Forest Whitaker in “The Great Debators.”) “We do what we have to do, so we can do what we want to do.”

I guess thats a big enough list for two months right?  I do have plans for 09 that I will document at the beginning of the year.  If I can just regulate these areas of my life, these disciplines should put me on a more direct track to living my dreams.  I have lived most of my life for others in most cases.  And by the time the middle of 09 comes around, I want it to start being about me a little more ya dig?  I just need to be more disciplined and focused. 

Thanks for your help and encouragement!  And by all means check on me!

Movies That Scared The BeJeezus Out of Me

Friday will be yet another “Friday the 13th.”  I am not superstitious mind you but there are always horror or scary movies released around that time.  I think of the new Mark Walberg movie “The Happening” that will start this weekend.  Looks wierd – and I think I’m game to check it out.  This got me to thinking…

You ever watch a movie and have wierd dreams that remind you of the movie you watched?  This happens to me from time to time.  Generally speaking I try to stay away from violent movies or horror flicks late at night, cause I don’t want those images to be the last thing imprinted upon my spirit.  But thats not a cure all.  Recently I watched Big Momma’s House and the new Chronicles of Narnia and later had dream that Lester (Terrance Howard’s character in ‘House) was trying to shoot me with bows and arrows. (Narnia)  Its amazing how pictures and images will invade and reflect upon our dreams.  With that in mind…  it cause me to think of the movies that scared me the most as I was growing up.  Or in some cases, not that long ago.

The Happening (2008) Poster

1) Jaws – I saw this classic as an 8 year old.  It was July 1975 and we lived in the Normady Owens Projects we called, “The Hole” cause it was literally underground.  We had no air conditioning and the apartment was as hot as the dickens.  Didn’t matter… I was so scared I was deep under the covers sweatin like the devil.  I remember hearing some kids were scared to take a bath.  But I wasn’t that bad.

Jaws (Widescreen Anniversary Collector's Edition)

2) Damien The Omen II – Not only was this Anti-Christ talk and the three 6s in dude’s head scary, but that darn opera chanting made this one all the more scary!  I thought Damion was going to get me!

Omen II

3) Phantasm – In a way I was intrigued by this mad doctor who threw those silver balls with the blades protruding out of them.  But in watching it I bit off more than I could chew.  I had nightmares about dude for days!

Phantasm

 

4) Abbey: (The Black Exorsist) – I was only 7 when I went to see this.  It was a part of a double feature that my sister and I saw along with Cooley High.  My parents dropped us off and picked us up later in the afternoon.  When that girl started gagging and spittin green stuff in the movie – I lost my freaggin mind crying like a lil bee-ach! I was spiritual as I knew it back then and into church.  So I believed fully in the devil.  I wanted to stay out in the hallway till the movie was over but my sister knew she couldn’t leave me.  For once, she actually felt for her lil brother and put her arms around me during the film and told me it was going to be OK and that it was just a movie.  Thanks Darcel!

5) Fallen – Darn straight I was an adult when this one came out.  But boy did it give me the creeps.  The whole touching scene on the street where the evil spirit Azazal goes from one person to the next was off the meat rack son!  The Rolling Stone’s jam they played at the end (Sympathy For The Devil) during the credits is quite haunting.  Here is a small sample:

Please allow me to introduce myself
Im a man of wealth and taste
Ive been around for a long, long year
Stole many a mans soul and faith
And I was round when jesus christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game
I stuck around st. petersburg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the czar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain
I rode a tank
Held a generals rank
When the blitzkrieg raged
And the bodies stank
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah

Fallen