Facing Faults and Fears Part 1

Is there a doctor in the house?


So here is the deal.  I am doing some self examining and decided to bring some of my blogging buddies along for the ride.  People like to talk about their virtues but not often their vices.  As humans, normally we tend to gravitate towards the things we like about ourselves.  Most of the times people say they want to maximize their strengths and learn to manage weaknesses.  What that means in many cases is that we try not to think about our weaknesses, ignore our weaknesses, hope the weakness, the fault or the fear goes away.

Well I want to try to confront some of mine.  And if anyone would like to make suggestions as to how to get past them or to improve my standing or outlook towards them, then this will be worth it.  Sometimes getting a fresh perspective can be a good thing.  One never knows…  

Some of my faults may seem humorous as I list them over the next several days.  I try not to take myself too seriously.  However, this is a serious thing for me so please be respectful even if you add a brand of humor.  You get to be the doctor.  Thanks. 


Part 1: Carelessness

I live my life by an electronic calendar.  (an Excel one to be exact)  Without it I am lost.  I schedule everything from when to pay bills, to game assignments, along with anything else I am not supposed to forget throughout the month.  I know better than to rely on my memory for anything.  I just have too many things on the plate to think that I will be able to retain it all.  It seems that the calendar really helps me a lot.  With it I feel organized and on top of my game.  But it’s one thing that my calendar cannot help me with.  Carelessness.

Let me tell you, I lose and forget where I put things like nobodies business.  Sometimes I think that I am clever and put things up somewhere in an unusual place because that way I figure that I will know where to find it.  But no.  It seems that at those times I forget the unusual place where I put the thing and thereby hide it from myself.  Sometimes I put things somewhere and don’t remember putting them there at all even after I’ve found them in that particular place.

Its gotten to the point now that sometimes when I do it, I just chalk it up in frustration because it seemed as if my mind just failed me.  Recently I visited my mother on the West Coast and she let me hold some photos of her on a cruise she took.  Because I didn’t want to bend them, I packed them between the screen and keyboard of my laptop.  Every time I would open my computer I would take the photos out and and afterwards put them back in.  My goal was to make copies and get them back to her. 

Well one morning I thought to myself, “Hmm, I was just at the coffee shop last week and I don’t remember putting the photos back in the computer.  Could I have left them at the coffee shop?”  I looked in the back seat of the car first and didnt’ see them among the other junk I had thrown back there.  Then I calmly drove to the coffee house that morning and asked the attendant if someone had turned in photos.  The woman said she worked every day since the Friday I had visited and that no one had turned anything in.  I asked if she was sure or if she could ask someone else.  She assured me that they had no photos, and that perhaps someone had thrown them away. 

Oh man!  How in the heck am I gonna tell my momma I lost her pictures?  She trusted me with these along with some videos and music I took back to St. Louis, and certainly the pictures could never be replaced.    I looked in the car again.  Nothing.  I went on my way disappointed again that I could not make a correlation in my brain for the last time I had seen the pictures.  I decided to wait to tell my mom.  No rush in disappointing her right?  She would forgive me, but I would still feel like an immature little kid who had to have his gloves pinned to the bottom of his coat sleeve so I can come back home with two of them instead of one.

I also lost my daughter’s report card.  I was the only parent who could make parent teacher day this time.  And I promised her mother that I would make her a copy and get it to her.  Ha!  Couldn’t find that either though it was in my carry around bag that has all of my important things in it.  Well no big deal, I can have the school print another one right?

A few days later, I’m looking to get some things out of my back seat.  I have a small satchel that carry my referee shoes, whistle and 5 Hour Energy shots.  I grabbed the bag and BAM… there they were – my mother’s cruise pictures.  Now I know darn well I looked that back seat over really well… or did I?  You see that’s my point!  Later on I eventually found the report card back there too.  The thing is, I can’t remember putting either of them in the back seat.  I do understand my logic however.  I put the pictures in the back seat because I didn’t want to take the chance on losing them in the coffee shop.  I just couldn’t remember doing it.  My bag turned upside down in the back seat after I threw it there so I can put the groceries I bought in the car.  I do remember that happening and that is when the report card must have fallen out.  So I got lucky.  Either that or God put those pictures back for me and saved me from humiliation.

What gets me the most is that I am ALWAYS cognisant of putting things in their proper places so that I don’t lose things.  And yet I still manage to do it.

Any suggestions?  This is a real sore area for me!

The Blueprint ~ Finishing the Year Righteous!

I live that thug life baby I’m hopeless – smoking off indo tryin to keep my focus!  – Tupac


First I have to say Thank God for that xtra hour – cause it was on point today!

Anyway with a little less than two months remaining in 2008, (man does the time fly) it’s time for me to step my game up in a few areas.  I decided to put it on out there on record so my friends can hold me accountable to my goals.  My first set are for the last couple months or by the New Year.  After that I will drop the 09 personal and professional goals.  With that said feel free to comment and ask me anytime how I am doing in said areas – and I will answer honestly of course.  So here goes!

Vote Barack Obama in for president! – Hey, this is at the top of my food chain of things to do.  Not sure whether I will make it early or after work to the polls – but I will be casting my vote for this life changing moment in time!

Discipline My Temple: Ok, so I am not a fat slob or anything, but still I need lose 20-25 lbs.  Currently I am hovering slightly above 200lbs.  Idealistically I need to be between 175-180 lbs.  Realistically I can rock it at 180-185 and be relatively comfortable.   That means feeling energetic and fitting in all of my pants!  I am a health concious person – and am disciplined enough to fast and drop 15 lbs with the quickness – but my challenge is eating healthy on an ongoing basis.  I love to eat – flat out.  And I love a cold beer after a long day to help take the edge off.  So balance and temperance are in order for me to make good choices.  By Jan 1st, I will not weigh over 185 – PERIOD!

Embrace The Day: This morning I woke up in a wonderful place.  I felt in tuned with my spirit and was ready to take on day.  I put myself in the mind to make a positive contribution and to remain calm – ready to accept the challenges and give grace where needed, wisdom where asked, and peace to all whom I come into contact with.  I don’t know how many days I have left in this life – but to look at each day as a gift and an opportunity rather than “just like any other day” is my goal.  I don’t want to carry yesterday’s junk into tomorrow.  I want to fully live in the present moment with gusto – while being able to learn from the past and project goals for the future.  So for this I need to continue to feed my spirit the things it needs to thrive and connect with the power of the universe.  I want to flow with what is already in place and manifest my destiny.

Step up My Daddy Game: Most of the time I have adjusted well to the changing needs of my children.  But for my baby, I seemed to have missed the mark.  In her desire to please me I never know the difference as she “acts” happy and joyful when we are together.  However, she is probably growing and maturing at a faster pace than I have noticed.  Plus I think I will always look at her as my little girl.  So I need to regroup and bring her closer to me so that by the time she’s a teen she is not missing what she needs from me.  I am very concerned about this – so I just plan to shower her with love and pray I get the answers I need to provide the spiritual and emotional security she needs from dad. 

Finish Small Book: I am working on a book I believe will really benifit the youth (mainly young men from 16-25).  It’s at least half done but I need to finish it so that I can make the connections I need to have it edited, published, marketed, and into the hands of those who will benefit from the things that are shared in it.  Again this is part of my destiny and purpose for being here.  So I can’t devote all of my time to corporate America and the day to day “busy work” of errands, fun etc.  In the words of Dr. James Farmer (Forest Whitaker in “The Great Debators.”) “We do what we have to do, so we can do what we want to do.”

I guess thats a big enough list for two months right?  I do have plans for 09 that I will document at the beginning of the year.  If I can just regulate these areas of my life, these disciplines should put me on a more direct track to living my dreams.  I have lived most of my life for others in most cases.  And by the time the middle of 09 comes around, I want it to start being about me a little more ya dig?  I just need to be more disciplined and focused. 

Thanks for your help and encouragement!  And by all means check on me!

A Call To Oneness – Listen up if your in “The Lou”!


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This looks to be an exciting and worthwhile project being put on by many committed men and hosted by “Shalom Church (City of Peace)” in Florissant.  You can click on the pics for a better look at the details.  There will be a panel discussion, workshops and a rally all coming up this weekend.  Activities and workshop locations vary throughout the area.  Call the number listed or visit the site for more information.