Stop Hoping for a Completion of Anything in Life
Most men make the error of thinking that one day it will be done. They think, “If I can work enough, then one day I could rest.” Or, “One day my woman will understand something and then she will stop complaining.” Or, “I’m only doing this now so that one day I can do what I really want with my life.” The masculine error is to think that eventually things will be different in some fundamental way. They won’t. It never ends. As long as life continues, the creative challenge is to tussle, play, and make love with the present moment while giving your unique gift. – David Deida
A scripture came to mind to me when I read this for the first time.
Genesis 8:22 For as long as Earth lasts, planting and harvest, cold and heat, Summer and winter, day and night will never stop.”
This to me refers to the cycles of life. Though each day has its own special gifts and opportunities to present, there are some basic fundamentals that will never change. Planting and harvest talks about labor or putting in work, as well as receiving rewards for that work. Cold and heat are about the ups and downs we experience during this journey. Regardless of how well we lead our lives, none of us are exempt from difficulties, challenges, hurtful experiences and losses. If we hang in there we will also have our experiences of unspeakable joy as well.
As a man, I find that I enjoy doing and completing task. Completing task solves problems. And yet I find that I can complete a task and think I have graduated that particular lesson – sometimes only to battle the same things over again. Something or someone is always in some sort of need – as am I. I have often though that once I get a particular lesson everything will be ok. Once I understand and walk in a principle things will change. But as the writer says, they do not. The only thing that can change is me. I can get better, develop more understanding and attain strategies to operate more smoothly through adversity.
The issue is not solving all the problems in my life. (Though I am a problem solver by nature) The issue is to learn from the lessons and grow into a person who transcends my challenges, embracing the flow of yin and yang – understanding that some basic lessons are taught over again in varying degrees. I suppose this is what it means in understanding that life is not about the destinations but the journey. If I journey well, I will reach certain destinations. But like one of those video games the levels just keep coming and with the new levels come new degrees of difficulties. The further I go, the more “points” I can gain as my skill level increases. I become qualified for more challenges, but the game will never end.
In terms of dealing with the woman who complains or doesn’t seem to ever understand me, Deida says it best:
The feminine always seems chaotic and complicated from the perspective of the masculine. The next time you notice yourself trying to fix your woman so that she will no longer __________ (fill in the blank), relax and give her love by touching her and telling her that you love her when she is this way. (whatever you filled in the blank with) Embrace her or wrestle with her, or scream and yell for the heck of it, but make no effort to bring an end to that which pisses you off. Practice love instead of trying to bring an end to the quality that bothers you. You can’t escape the tussle with the feminine. Learn to find the humor in the unending emotional drama the feminine seems to enjoy so much. The love that you magnify may realign her behavior, but your effort to fix her and your frustration never will.
Can the church say Amen?
By the way, I decided to roll with this topic every weekday till it’s done. If I decide to write about something else as well – I will. But for me this is what is hot. So I will ride it out.
Tomorrow, “Live With An Open Heart, Even If It Hurts.”
I came over from the Rich House.
I was intrigued by the table of contents. As a rule these kinds of books get on my nerves..perhaps that’s a woman thing coming through. I just don’t like things that are dismissive or don’t encourage honest and authentic communitication in our loveships.
I am however going to stick with you and see how this all plays out. Who knows…My heart is open!
C — you have to ease these women into that last quote by Deida, they are going to think you are patronizing them without the foreknowledge of what lead up to that chapter.
Ladies I can tell you up front that there will be no women bashing within this series. There will be discussions however on my renewing understanding of the differences within our essence. As you stick with this you will see that you will not be insulted at all. The book only deals with men and how to relate with ourselves and with you.
I am here by way of Rich.
“The issue is not solving all the problems in my life.”
I totally agree with that statement. I have a pet peeve with unsolicited advice. Sometimes a person wants to vent or just be heard not adviced or told how to fix something or themselves.
I will be stopping by and reading your take on the book. I may even buy it. LOL.
Shai – this is true of men AND women – I feel you! Thanks for stopping by. Thanks to all of the Rich House readers for stopping by. I hope this promotes some really good discussions.