Live With An Open Heart Even If It Hurts
Closing down in the midst of pain is a denial of a man’s true nature. A superior man is free in feeling and action, even amidst great pain and hurt. If necessary, a man should live with a hurting heart rather than a closed one. He should learn to stay in the wound of pain and act with spontaneous skill and love even from that place. – David Deida
Oh boy! This is a head banger for me! WHAT? Are you kidding? Closing down in the midst of pain is my specialty. And why shouldn’t it be? Who wants to continue to punish themselves by subjecting themselves to further pain whether it is by way of cruelty or rejection from friends, a lover or whomever?
I read this one and had to pause. When I am confronted with these words, pain and bad taped memories rush to my mind and consciousness. It would seem the logical thing to do, the smart and intelligent thing to do, the way that leads to survival is to step away from the pain as quickly and as completely as possible. If you burn your hand on the stove do we leave it there for more? I have gotten by some 40 years by doing this – though I have been known to stand and face some hard confrontations.
I can think of times when one of my daughters seemed to act as if she wanted nothing to do with me in spite of my coming to her time and time again. I would explain possible misunderstandings to her and clear the air though I knew she was often stubborn or the recipient of bad information. After a while I would say to myself, “How many times must I come to you? You are old enough to take a step yourself. I am tired of putting myself out there to be rejected!” Sometimes those close to me would say that I should keep extending the open arms regardless. They say she will come back around and see that you were down with her all the time. Hmmm.
My spirit man understands fully the need to remain open and to love unconditionally through my pain. It recognizes that this is essential to true and authentic love being displayed. It resonates with the fact that often it takes this kind of love to break the walls of pain in the heart of others in order to heal, cleanse, and initiate the process of reconciliation. It understands fully well that this is totally necessary. And yet in my present state I have not attained. Sure there have been times where I have stepped to the plate to take some more swings during the process of spiritual and emotional battles. These are occasions when I seek that small glimmer of hope that the reaction to my attempts will be welcomed and accepted. But for the most part, I run like hell from pain. The funny part is that rarely does it ever work. If anything I can temporarily suppress it with self mediated methods. But that only last for so long.
I know that I need to grow in this area. And I believe I will. I have to learn to turn pain in to my friend and see it as a challenge that calls for my best to overcome. My mind gets it. My heart understands it. For this to become who I am however will only come by experience. And in the midst of the heat it’s hard to see the other side. Brothers and sisters I readily admit – I am not there yet. But I want to be. I will strive to be. Lord help me.
I guess one could call me a glutton for punishment because in the midst of hurt, I will forgive, and put myself back out there. I have found that most folks will continue to reject you and that hurts, but dealing with the pain makes you stronger. I’ve come to realize that we, especially Christians, don’t know what true forgiveness is, but I try to walk in it anyway. Walking with an open heart is also cleansing as it causes you to see yourself in a truer light.
I also learned that you may come back more authentic but you have to realize that the other person may not be as open about it as you.
“How many times must I come to you? You are old enough to take a step yourself. I am tired of putting myself out there to be rejected!”
That is sad. I think my child’s father feels that way not realizing how much pain she is going through. Instead of changing, he gets mad at her attitude. It is like he is running from reality and facing that he has to change in order for things to change for their relationship.
That goes on in not just parental relationships. Many folks are not talking or loving each other because or fear or pride. I know it is hard but if you want some real bad you have to go “through” it. By shutting down, it is ignoring the problem and never coming to a solution.
Again I agree with you – this is my challenge. I do not wish to shut down anymore. Believe me I can be good at it as a way of protecting myself. Loving through like the author mentioned and Richard has practiced – and as you are promoting is on point! And you know how it is, as soon as you learn something (knowledge)you become responsible for it(accountable)and the real life lesson cometh quickly.(experience) These lessons are learned through experience not precept. I am past the accountability part and into putting these principles into practice. Thus my last words… Lord help me! 🙂