Facing Faults and Fears Part 3 ~ The Grudge?

Unforgiveness or Moving On?

There are times when I struggle with the word forgiveness.  Not so much as whether I have the ability to forgive someone in terms of pardoning a sin.  Lord knows we all have them and each of us take our turns needing grace from someone.  What I question is the true definition of forgiveness and whether restoration has to be a part of the process for forgiveness to be legit or complete.   As I get older, I question my old way of thinking and tend to think not.

As an example there was a friend of mine who I have been cool with for almost 20 years.  We’ve shared many stories of joy and pain and have been there for one another throughout both good and difficult times.  Well I going through something last year and I shared it with this person.  My car had some major engine damage and I was scrambling to come up with the several thousand dollars to have it fixed.  I needed the car for transportation for working both my 9-5 as well as my officiating jobs that I already had lined up.

Speaking with him about the situation, he said, “I am so sorry to hear about your car.”  I said that I appreciated it and just to let it be known I am taking donations.  He thought I was joking but I clarified my desperation. 

Mind you… I have NEVER asked this person for a dime.  Neither had I ever asked my mother since I left her home at the age of 14.  But I did this time.  This person asked me what my car payment was (monthly).  I gave the amount and he said they would help me out with one month’s payment.  “Great, !”  I said as I voiced my appreciation. 

He gave me a date and I said Ok.  The date passed and I didn’t hear anything.  I called and didn’t get an answer.  After a week I received a call from this person saying he was out of town and didn’t have a chance to go to the bank but that the money was forthcoming within a day.  I said that was fine.

After another week I called again, not for the money just to see if he were OK.  Still didn’t get an answer.

The next time I called the person answered the phone… perhaps by mistake and I could him him talking to someone else.

I hung up the phone.

Later I sent an email to the person letting him know that I was really hurt.  Not because of the money because anyone has the right to do with their money as they please even if they say they are going to do one thing and later change their mind.  But to not say anything and avoid me?  I thought we were way better than that.  I put it behind me and left it alone.

Well after 8 or 9 months, I get a text from this person saying, “Hey.”  I looked at it, remembered the number (because I had previously deleted it out of my phone) and thought to myself, “Hey what?”  My initial thought was that we didn’t have anything to talk about.  I didn’t see any explanations or apologies for the times I was calling and didn’t get an answer.  I just erased it and kept on stepping. 

Now here are the questions I have to ask myself when I try to identify the forgiveness thing.  

Question: Am I upset at this person?  Am I holding this against him?

Answer:  I honestly don’t believe I am.  I managed to get my car fixed and I have moved on.  I regretted that the friendship couldn’t handle the topic of money and though the subject never came up between us before, the only reason I asked was because I  felt we were ‘cool like that.’  That was a sign of deep humility and respect for me to even think of asking this person because I don’t just ask anybody for anything.

Question:  What is my reluctance from speaking to this person stemming from?

Answer:  I believe it’s stems from the fact that I thought we were cool.  And regardless of money, even if the person were a millionaire, I would not have felt he was obligated to give me anything.  But the fact that he promised something and avoided me as if I were a pesky beggar made me question the entire friendship.  My thinking is, “Where would we pick up from here?  If we ain’t soul after almost 20 years, I can’t see it materializing now.” 

When it comes to my inner circle, I am fiercely loyal.  And when that loyalty is not returned as opposed to rolling over like I did back in the day for the sake of being what I believed was Christian about it, I’ve had a change of heart.  Now when folks cross me a certain way, I just tend to be done with them.   Not cause I’m mad, but because I just don’t have time to pretend that a close friendships is anything but superficial if that is all it really is.  Everyone has superficial people in their lives.  And with these folks we don’t expect much.  But a friend is supposed to be a friend.

I had some beef with another friend of mine for a minute.  And because we were boys for real, we eventually had our say man to man and hashed the stuff out.  I consider him an even better friend now.  We got through a big storm where feelings were hurt on both sides.  We learned that our loyalty was strong even when we didn’t think it was.  I say that to say this is not about X’ing people out of my life just because I feel like it.  As I said I value my inner circle.

So what do you think?  Am I being too cold in this situation?  Am I holding a grudge?  Should I have responded to this person and perhaps he would have apologized?  (From what I know of this person, I don’t think he would have said anything about it.  I think he just wanted to pretend like it was all good though I could be wrong)  This is my dillema.  The old way of thinking for me would be the quickly accept this person back into my good graces.  The older, wiser me (in my opinion) says, F it!  No hard feelings on my part, but like Mint Condition, “We’ve Nothing Left To Say.”

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Mizzou Lays it All Out… Advances!

Tiller Leads Mizzou Past Memphis In Regional Semis

I have to give it up for the Missouri Tigers getting the best of Memphis Tigers by beating them at their own game.  I don’t think they took the team from Boone County that seriously until it was too late! I think they thought they would punk Mizzou early on and then got shocked!

Still it was a heck of a game as they were going at it!

Don’t Just Apologize, Get to Firing!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 I have a few friends who are police officers.  This one give all the good one’s a bad name.

I don’t see what there is to apologize about.  The sad thing is that if it’s anything like it is here, they could fire him but he will probably end up in someone else’s police uniform.

 This is the exchange that Powell had with Moats as he was trying to see his dying mother in law before she passed.  Thanks to this a-hole, it was too late!  He is the epitome of what Eddie Murphy said years ago that jerk cops must have been teased and called “buckethead” when then when they get the badge they get all bad assed.  Seems he really wanted Moats to know that he was in charge.  He needs to be in charge of looking for another job!

Excerpts from Officer Robert Powell and Ryan Moats: 

Moats: You really want to go through this right now? My mother-in-law is dying. Right now! … I got seconds before she’s dying, man!

Powell: If my mom was dying I’d probably be a little upset too, but when I saw flashing red and blues, I would stop.

Moats: Did I not stop at the red light?

Powell: You stopped, then you drove through the red light.

Moats: I stopped, I checked the traffic, I waved the traffic off, then I turned.

Powell: This is not an emergency vehicle. You do not have the right to control the traffic.

Moats: OK. All right … just go ahead and check my insurance so I can go ahead and go. If you’re gonna give me a ticket, give me a ticket. I really don’t care, just …

Powell: Your attitude says that you need one.

Moats: I don’t have an attitude. All I’m asking you is just to hurry up. Cause you’re standing here talking to me…

Powell: Shut your mouth and listen.

Moats: Shut my mouth? Is that how you talk to me, too?

Powell: Shut your mouth and listen. If you want to keep this going, I’ll just put you in handcuffs, and I’ll take you to jail for running a red light.

Moats: OK. All right.

Powell: I can do that.

Moats: OK.

Powell: State law says I can.

Moats: Yes, sir. Go ahead.

Powell: If you don’t settle down that’s what I’m gonna do.

Moats: Yes, sir.

Powell: All right, If you don’t settle down, your truck’s illegally parked – I’ll tow that as well.

Moats: Yes, sir.

Powell: OK, I can screw you over. I’d rather not do that. Your attitude will dictate everything that happens, and right now, your attitude sucks.

Moats: Yes, sir.

Powell: OK, I turned my red and blues on as you were going over the bridge …

Moats: You think I’m gonna stop when my wife’s mother is dying?

Powell: You are required to stop. What you’re doing does not matter. Red and blues, you have to stop. I can charge you with fleeing right now.

Moats: Yes, sir. …

Powell: I can take you to jail. I can tow your truck. I can charge you with fleeing.

Moats: Yes, sir, you can. I understand.

Powell: I can make your night very difficult.

Moats: I hope you’ll be a great person and not do that.