December 3, 2013 by bbgcmac

Day 3, Are you kidding me?

Say hello to my little friends! These are the 4 way adjustable hinged knee braces I wear every night to my basketball games. Though they look like a bulky mess actually they allow for quite a bit of freedom. I am not slowed down in the least bit. And best of all, they take the pounding OFF of my knees so I come away with no pain whatsoever on most nights such as tonight after two games at a JV tournament.

Back to Day 3; Well the good news is that I did walk another 4 miles of power walking today. The bad news is that while adjusting the volume on my cell phone while listening to a book, I dropped the thing clean on the concrete! For the first time I had one of those phones with the cracks all over the screen. Not just any cracks either, but the cracks you can actually feel. Thank goodness for insurance right?

The second part of the bad news is that while I was closing in on the last mile and a half or so, I got this rubbing irritation on the back of my left heel. Though I took my shoe off and adjusted my socks, I couldn’t get the rubbing to stop. The results was the onset of a big blister on the back of my heel. This is just what i needed considering that I am working multiple games ever day until December 22nd.

Walking was a pain and I had no idea how I was going to ref the games tonight without clean rubbing the skin off the heel.

There are two things officials need to know when entering a gym. 1) Who is the administrator? 2) Do you have a trainer on staff?

I met the administrator at the door who directed me to the trainer. After explaining my dilemma, she treated and wrapped the heel to perfection. To my relief, it felt at least 90% better! Crisis averted!

Game on!

July 6, 2013 by bbgcmac

Real Love Is Just That, Real

It’s not unusual ever day when my wife and I wake up and for one of us to say, “I love you,” first thing in the morning. As a matter of fact, it’s most unusual if neither of us does. However, earlier this week I changed it up a bit. Not because I was trying to. It was just that another phrase came more naturally that morning. I said to her, “I adore you.”

Her response surprised me a bit. When I tell her I love her in the morning, she always smiles and says, “I love you. Normally without any hesitation. If she beats me to the punch, my natural response is usually something like, ‘I love you too baby.” Changing the phrasing provided an interesting response. I can’t remember the exact wording, but it was something akin to, “I’m glad to know that though I often don’t see what you find adorable.”

Her response gave me pause. I felt the pain at what must be a hurtful feeling regarding how she saw herself, (though I can certainly empathize with doubtful feelings of self value.) Not to mention how that affected how she viewed my sentiments towards her.

I asked her to elaborate. And she went on to give me the reasons that she didn’t see herself as adorable. I used this opportunity to share the details of what I felt within when I expressed those words.

I said something like:

“You are adorable because you are. And adoring you has nothing to do with only appreciating everything that is so called right or good about you. Our lives are a journey. Each of us has virtues, gifts, talents, and yes even baggage and faults. Navigating through baggage and faults are a part of our journey. I have never expected you to be perfect. But I do love you in your weaknesses while recognizing your strengths and celebrate your growth in a number of areas. When I say, ‘I love you’, or that ‘I adore you’, that means I love and adore all of you. Not just that which has been refined. Think of it this way: We love and adore our daughters, and yet we can quickly name several areas where growth and development is needed. Love and adoration doesn’t wait for perfection. Instead, they team to nurture, protect and make better what has already been created perfect; A child of God, more valuable than anything the world has ever or will ever see.”

I didn’t say these words to her as if I were to teach her something. I was also talking to myself. Oh how great a thing it is, to adore, and be adored, just the way we are.

I hope we both learn the lesson~

May 28, 2013 by bbgcmac

* 5 Star Serving Your Spouse *

Question for Spouses and Lovers; If your lovin’ was named after a restaurant, what would it be?

I didn’t ask my wife this question. But rather I recently asked what’s her favorite restaurant. Her answer was Citizen Kanes Steakhouse, a nice little spot in the St. Louis County municipal town named Kirkwood. I took her there for our one and only visit during our most recent anniversary.

Citizens came highly recommended by someone whose name escapes me. But he or she had enough credibility to make break out in ‘big shot’ mode and make dinner reservations for what was sure to be a wonderful, but pricy experience.

I was correct about all of the above. The experience was awesome. Sitting at a cozy little table in the corner upstairs, we enjoyed wine, appetizers and a steak that we both agreed was the best either of us ever had. The service was nothing short of outstanding either. We left the restaurant feeling extremely satisfied and thoroughly impressed. We promised ourselves that we would visit again at some other special occasion.

Citizen Kanes

Part of what makes a restaurant experience unique, is the combination of meeting a primal need (eating for survival) and the extras that tap into another sensual desire which is to experience pleasure. Eating touches four of the five senses. i.e., sight, smell, touch, taste. (You can get the fifth sense of hearing if the food is sizzling when you receive it.)

I liken the primal needs and pleasures of food to love and marriage. Each partner embodies the restaurant service provider, as well as the one seeking to satisfy a hunger within. To sustain health, we each need a steady diet. Being fed once a month, week, or any random day is not going to make for a healthy and sustainable life. However, food isn’t the only essential for creating an enjoyable dining experience. There is also the atmosphere, the lighting, the décor. A restaurant can have the best food, but if the atmosphere is not appealing to the eyes and nose, or if the host is not professional and inviting, even if the customer endures long enough to try to meal, the negative presentation can taint the entire experience.

The finest dining establishments entail minutia towards the slightest of details. This includes the ingredients as well as the preparations. The temperature and time in which to prepare certain items. There isn’t just the main course, but the wine and the appetizers. In order to succeed in providing Five Star service, I have to be on top of all the little details that make my abode a welcoming paradise. Relationship food isn’t just functionally natural, it’s also emotional and spiritual. It’s wrapped in a blanket of security and protection, fun and sensations. I am the owner, the greeter, the server, the chef, and the general manager. My #1 goal is to satisfy my customer so much that she never desires to eat at any other establishment. I must be versatile and nuanced enough in becoming all things that I may please one.

Perhaps you think this is all kind of over the top. That it doesn’t take ‘all of that.’ Here is something to consider. Your lover is your customer. And your customer is going to be hungry. You may think your customer should always just show up at your doorstep. But don’t sleep on this; There are many restaurants to choose from. All of them with signs advertising what it is they have to offer your lover. Some restaurants cater to the cheap date. They deliver fast food in just a few moments. You can get drive-thru service; go to the window, make a request over the loudspeaker, (phone, email, IM) and ‘wham bam’ receive services without even getting out of the car. Some go above that, perhaps he/she would have opportunity to sit down a while and enjoy a meal. The experience may not be so good that they want to go everyday, but perhaps there is something on the menu they enjoy. Other businesses go the the very top of the food chain. (Pun intended) And get this, none of these restaurants care about where your lover dined previously. They will welcome his/her business now! It doesn’t always take that much effort either. Hell, nowadays one can even get a meal at a gas station!

And so it is with your lover. My goal is to represent the best of what my wife desires, (the most flavorful steak ever with all of the extras) while being able to quickly convert to something she just wants to snack on. Even she doesn’t want to eat steak every day. In my eyes, when it comes to taste and service, the customer is always right. As the service provider who wants her repeat and exclusive business, I must adapt according to what she desires on the menu at any given moment. I am her personal chef. And I have to be open for business at all times.

The purpose behind the goal, is that as she goes about her business and she sees the lights of golden arches, spots the brightness of the castle; as she passes by that spot that sits outback, she won’t consider stopping in because she’s already full and satisfied.

So I ask you, what is your loving like? I want my lovin to be like….Citizen Kanes~

August 21, 2012 by bbgcmac

Things of Kings, Queens, Jesters and Social Media

In this fun and entertaining tool we use called Facebook to amuse, share, rant, and express ourselves, I often read little signs with quotes about what makes a good man, a good male partner. I tend to agree with most of them but rarely if ever do I see any signs for what a woman should aspire to as it relates to what is expected of them. So ‘imma’ share a little ditty of what I’ve learned over my time.

Ladies: One vital quality that GOOD value in a woman is loyalty; Loyalty in terms of loving and supporting him regardless of his status. In other words, does he know you have his back and do you celebrate him the when he has little the same as when he has much?

What about when he loses some confidence. Do you pick him up and believe in him and make him feel safe in the confines of your embrace? Or do you kick him and make him feel less than a man, as if his value is based solely on his performance. In other words is it like the NBA where he gets in a shooting slump and instead of sticking by him saying, “No worries, you’re my guy keep on shooting,” or do you want to put him on the trading block and bring in a free agent?

Do you trust his counsel and believe in his vision? Or must you hear the same words he gave you from the preacher or an outside source in order to believe it? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard brothers say, “Man I told my lady ‘such and such’ for a long time. She always dismissed it. But when the pastor preached on it she got a revelation.

Do you invest in the relationship as much as you did when you were trying to get the dude in the first place? They say, “The man is the head. But the woman is the neck that turns the head.” Do you speak to him politely using your charms to influence his heart, swing from the poles in the bedroom dazzling him with your sexual exploits with great enthusiasm like you did back in the day to keep it hot and smoking? Of did you become comfortable and less ambitious? “I ain’t got to do all that no more.”

Hey, I agree that it’s hard out here for women. I really do. And that’s why I used the word GOOD when describing this kind of man. I wouldn’t ask or expect you give all of your goodies to a fool. I would say leave the fool to foolish women in turn. Don’t try to make a good man out of a fool, cause then you’re playing yourself! . Give the kingdom to a fool and it won’t make him king worthy! He will merely destroy it. And if you went that route and failed, then don’t blame the good brother for the crimes of the fool you chose to try to make into a king.

But if you got a good man, a man that is not only dedicated to you but to being the best man he can be for you and the things concerning you, treats you like gold etc.; then dammit you need to learn how to treat him and how to work it. And trust me when I tell you, when you know how to work it and make that dude the priority he needs to be, giving him that input, the wisdom, love, and encouragement that only you can, you best believe you will in turn receive ALL of the rewards on the other side of the storms that life will bring. So if you want a king, be a queen!

Now think on THAT!

(pictures from the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater)

May 11, 2012 by bbgcmac

Submit, Listen, Learn & Advance

For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives. – Hebrews 12:6

We live in society where people are often defensive when it comes to receiving correction. A common phrase folk tend to use when approached with feedback designed to reveal a personal or professional flaw is that the person giving the feedback is ‘hating.’ Their first reaction is to defend, place blame, deflect responsibility, or simply rise up against what may be helpful advice. There is a common saying, “Only God can judge me.” Often that’s psycho–babble for, “Don’t say nothing about my ignorant or destructive ways.”

Most of us don’t like being corrected. It’s in our nature. That’s not always a negative depending on the context.

I remember working in a payroll position. And for eleven years I made significant contributions day in and day out. My boss, a great man, occasionally questioned a project I worked on or corrected me in my processes. I would listen and adjust my practices when instructed, but there would often be an intense conversation along the way. He said he liked that I was that way because he knew that I really cared about doing a great job. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to be better, but I took pride in excellence. The thought of not being perfect peeved me in the worst way. My motivation had merit. But the pride that drove me was at times my worst enemy. I’ll get back to that.

Seldom does correction ‘feel’ good. But it’s a valuable tool that’s totally essential for growth. There are always opportunities to be critiqued because none of us are perfect. Of course not all criticisms are valid. However, the way in which we handle critique say a lot about whether we are fit for promotion.

I’ve had the opportunity to be mentored by a veteran official of over 35 years. He has worked multiple high school state title games in three sports. Obviously an older gentleman, his words are not always politically correct. His had a tough and disciplined upbringing by two stern parents in the segregated South. And his straight forward approach seldom has nuance.

I originally knew this man growing up as a teacher and sports official when I attended high school. He officiated many of my own games. I doubt that he remembered me. The first time he saw me on the ball field as a young umpire, he eyed me from head to toe pointing out what was wrong with my uniform, and how I held my ball/strike/out indicator in the wrong hand. He also tore into me for wearing a shiny watch (not good as it reflects in the sun) and on and on. Inside I felt like, “Well damn dude, nice to see you again too.”

For some reason, I had the presence of mind not to let him see me sweat. Instead, I hung around and allowed him to make fun of me in front of the other guys. I shook my head in the affirmative, smiled and thanked him for helping me out. I bought a non reflective watch, and made every other adjustment per his instructions.

He kept in touch and hired me for a few high school games. Sometimes I got to work directly with him as his on the field partner. This was scary because I didn’t know how I would stack up or if I would meet his expectations. Needless to say, my trepidation was clairvoyant. At the end of each half inning he summoned me and asked me various question about what I was doing and why. I remember being on the bases and when a runner was tagged out I belted, “HE’S OUT AT THIRD!” I was told by the cagy veteran, “Us umpires are dumb! We only speak in one word terms. We say ‘out’, ‘safe,’ ‘ball,’ ‘strike.’ We don’t announce the game. You’re not Harry Carey!”

He gave it to me every time he had a chance. But I took it in and learned. I focused on not making the same mistakes over and over again. These lessons continued as we worked together more in the later months. I began to improve. As I got better he started giving me respect. Instead of rhetoric exclusively geared towards instructions he started to speak casually, even making jokes. Sometimes he’d even ask me about my personal life to get to know me better.

Last year this mentor of mine was inducted into the Illinois High School Activities Hall of Fame. My wife and I drove to the Bloomington-Normal, Illinois to share in his honor with many of his family, friends, and fellow officials.

Now when we work together he still quizzes me sometimes. He still gives instructions as he is always the educator. I am still a bit nervous, more so out of respect. I always learn something new when work together. But I also noticed that he is proud of me. When we used to meet in the parking lot for pre-game he would tell me whether I was working the plate or the field. Now he asks me what my preferences are. One time he even said, “It’s my turn to work the plate Chris. I gotcha.” Now he looks at me like a partner not as a scrub.

You see the ‘drill sergeant’ has long retired from the sport. He’s received all of the accolades one can get from his profession as a teacher and official. But his motivation for me was to see me advance and be one of the people to carry the torch of my generation. He merely hangs around now to assign guys like me games and expose us to people and places because this business is very political. There was a time when Black American officials didn’t get much work if any from Caucasian assignors. It’s still that way in a lot of places. So his entire aim was never to demean or embarrass me. (Though at times I’m telling you he did.) He simply wants me to be the best at my craft. I have to be on top of my game to succeed and reach my potential. He told me recently, “I want you to be a state finals official.”

I love him for that.

Now, if I would have been a knuckle head and rebelled, ignored his advice, thought to myself the man is old, out of touch or hating, where would that leave me?

I’ve always been a mentor myself so I get it. When I see a person who consistently refuse the counsel I offer, I’ll keep my knowledge to myself. When people cease talking to us about our flaws and we are allowed to flail about aimlessly thinking that we are performing well when in reality we are not, that is actually a judgment upon our lives. It’s saying in effect, “There is no hope for you. I will not waste my time, or my breath trying to dress a pig with pearls.”

As I said before every criticism is not necessarily valid. But listening never hurt anyone. The best thing to do, even if you initially disagree is to consider and reflect on what has been said first. If you find it to be true, take heed and make change. If it’s not, keep it moving.

Unfortunately, pride keeps us from even contemplating and thus prevents us from promotion to our next level. But that great evangelist and teacher Marcellus Wallace said it best, “Fuck pride! Pride only hurts, it never helps. Fight through that shit.”

March 26, 2012 by bbgcmac

Sports and Politics Intersect Retro Style

I was only an infant when Tommy Smith and John Carlos threw up the black fist in Mexico City; a young pup when Muhammad Ali refused to participate in the Vietnam War. There was a time when many African-American sports figures and icons took to the streets and spoke out for social justice. They were not afraid to lend their voices and their fame to give attention to important issues they cared about. They were courageous enough to risk their careers if necessary to stand up for what they believed was right.

Unfortunately that was a long time ago. Rarely do we see black superstar athletes stand up for anything having to do with more than their latest contract negotiations. The money guys like Ali, Smith and Carlos made pales in comparison to the astronomical millions today’s athletes bank above their predecessors.

Our most successful and marketable black athletes too often stray as far away from civic issues as they can. I will always remember Michael Jordan’s refusal to support a progressive African-American candidate Harvey Gantt for state senate in his native North Carolina. Not because he agreed more with the politics of the infamously racist Helms, but because, “Republicans by sneakers too.” Jordan was the symbol and poster child of the New Crossover Negro who believed it far more important to hawk product and filling his own coffers rather than possibly alienating potential buyers with moral controversy. Tiger Woods has picked up the baton running that race with ease by denying all things black whether it be per his own heritage and identity as well as the women he chooses to marry and fool around with. Woods is as vanilla as the ice cream in my freezer and as close to anti-black as one could be with deference to Justice Thomas.

Whether it was the Rodney King beating, presidential races, supreme court decisions or 17 year old children with candy and a drink, sadly Jim Brown, Bill Russell and Arthur Ashe are not walking through these doors.

This is what makes the tweeted photo by LeBron James and his Miami Heat teammates in support of justice for Trayvon Martin an eye opener for me. The Heat players live in South Florida. Perhaps they feel the intensity of emotions even deeper than the rest of the country. Perhaps some of the players have had their own issues with being pulled over for DWB (Driving While Black) with even more emphasis because they drive the finest cars money can buy. I don’t know. But I respect James, Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh for being a part of a symbolic show of solidarity to Trayvon’s family as well as every other young black male in the United States. I respect them especially because they are the faces of their franchise and the league that so many Americas pays attention to.

Former NBA players Etan Thomas and Craig Hodges were no strangers to standing up for unpopular beliefs. Hodges so much so that he was literally blackballed from the NBA after presenting former President Bush a list of social issues he thought The President should address when the Chicago Bulls visited The White House. If Jordan makes that move, it carries more weight and no way is the biggest revenue generating player the league had ever seen pushed out the door.

So big ups to LeBron, Wade, Bosh and the rest of the Heat players. You didn’t have to march like the old school. But you did use the most powerful and significant tool given your generation which is social media. And for me, that speaks volumes!

January 17, 2012 by bbgcmac

My Evening With the G.O.A.T.

****Re-post in honor of The G.O.A.T / Original January 17 2012****

Upon hearing that today is the 70th Birthday for the (Greatest of All Time) Muhammad Ali, it reminded me of the evening that I was honored to spend with The Champ. The year was 2005 and the occasion was “The Butterfly Ball” in Atlanta, Georgia. The event was a fundraiser for The Ali Center, a museum dedicated to the career and humanitarian efforts of Ali that was being constructed in Louisville, KY.

Before I go further you have to understand what Muhammad Ali meant to me growing up in the 70s. As a child there were two celebrities that I looked up to. Muhammad Ali and then Sugar Ray Leonard. At the time I was too young to understand Ali’s political and heroic defiant stand against participating in the Vietnam War, and I wasn’t necessarily a boxing aficionado. But what I did recognize was Ali’s charm, confidence, star power and unapologetic boldness in public at a time when many black public figures wouldn’t dare. Inwardly I knew he was making a place for me and his persona gave me a definite sense of pride. Muhammad Ali to me was so significant that he was almost legend and unreal; An ethereal figure on television that may as well have been from outer space in terms of what I felt was my chance at ever seeing him face to face. That feeling never left me even as I grew older and cried when he lost in humiliating fashion at the of his career.

(Muhammad Ali, Lennox Lewis, Tom Joyner)

The event was star studded and included people like Cornel West, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Andrew Young, Tom Joyner, and many others including former Heavy Weight Champion Lennox Lewis, who gave $2 million of his own money because of the love he has for The Champ. Brian McKnight had a trio set for the entertainment. The week before making the trip to the ATL, I called Ali’s people and asked if there was a chance that I could meet The Champ and get a photo. The woman on the phone told me that Ali hadn’t been feeling well as of late, but when he is generally he’s very generous of such request. I hoped for the best.

After dinner and music, several speakers came up to talk about what Muhammad Ali has meant to them. The most touching was probably Professor West who couldn’t hold back his tears as well as Ali’s daughter Lala who also tearfully recalled so many occasions where ‘daddy’ loved and cherished her and her siblings. I was about 25 feet from the podium in awe.

(Lala Ali, Jesse Jackson, Muhammad Ali)

Finally when The Champ got up, he struggled to stand and speak but offered several jokes and took assorted pot shots and the people he loved. Except for the laughs the room was totally silent as he spoke. He was a total hoot. When he finished and after he exited the stage I wanted to get a hand shake and possibly a photo. The celebrities were getting theirs in and I was sort of intimidated to step in. But then I thought to myself, “It’s now or never. To hell with it man get in there!”

So I made my way through the big shots and tried to approach him. He had a handler with him and I said, “Is it ok if I take a picture with The Champ?” The handler said, “The Champ is tired and we need to get him out of here so he can rest.” And this is what I’ll never forget…what gave Ali the beyond the universe status with me. He heard me and pushed his handler away motioning me to come close to him. I shook his hand and said my peace in his ear, then needed to get this photo taken quickly. Over my right shoulder is Mayor Andrew Young. I said, “Mayor would you mind,” handing him my camera. He smiled with enthusiasm and said, “Sure.” And there struggling to stand on his own The Champ made two fist and took that damn picture.

A few seconds later I looked at the camera hoping to God that the mayor didn’t screw up my photo and there it was. I stared at it. A photo of me and Muhammad Ali. I thought back to my childhood and all that he had meant to me and thinking how untouchable I thought he’d be. It was surreal as if time had stood still. All I could think to myself was, “That’s freaking Muhammad Ali. That’s freaking Muhammad Ali!” Talking about ‘floating like a butterfly….’

If he had went on his way without taking the photo I still would have felt blessed. It would have been all good and I would have understood. But the fact that he pressed his way and didn’t “big time” me as just another cat he’s met out of millions, I will NEVER FORGET THAT!

For this reason as well as the many others are why he will always be The G.O.A.T. to me!

Happy Birthday Champ!

(Me and the G.O.A.T.)

October 25, 2011 by bbgcmac

Relax, God has NOT left the room!

From a child I have been a person of deep faith. When my mother took me to church unlike most my peers I actually wanted to sit towards the front instead of hiding in the balcony. I wanted to be up close so I could especially hear what the minister was saying. If I sat too far back, I would get lost and eventually fall asleep. Learning about God and the characters in the bible was a fascinating thing to me. I took those opportunities seriously.

My spiritual journey has taken me through many places. One principle that has reinforced and remains with me is that my faith is a very personal journey. The journey itself and the fruits thereof may be shared with the public at large. But the beauty of it being a personal journey is that no one can prevent my soul from connecting or communing with my creator.

I thought about this when I came across an email recently that suggested (not the first time I’ve heard) that a major downfall of this country happened when the Supreme Court took corporate prayer out of public schools. Since that time lack of prayer has been blamed for dropout rates, teen pregnancy, school violence etc. Years ago I was lukewarm on the subject at best. I remember having corporate prayer in school and the benefits of it was debatable.

There was still mischief, bullying, drugs and pregnancy. Nowadays I have strong opinions that taking public prayer out of public schools was not the tragedy people made it out to be. Especially considering the world we live in today. I’ll make my case:

Religion is Polarizing

We live in a society that is more diverse than ever before. With that comes faith with all sorts of flavors. Who gets to decide what brand of faith is emphasized for public schools? The general consensus among those desiring prayer in public schools is Christianity. But which kind of Christian; Baptist, Catholic, Lutheran, Methodist? Of course not only would either of these choices leave out another Christian persuasion, it would also exclude and isolate people of other faiths that do not include Christianity.

The natural strife would distract from the original emphasis of primary education which is to teach the basics of reading, writing (typing) arithmetic, and now technology. Remember we are talking about publically tax payer public schools. This brings me to my next point.

This is what private schools are for

In any given metropolitan area, there are hundreds of private schools which in addition to academics emphasize their faith. There is nothing wrong with a family choosing a school based on their own faith. Some schools have struggled to remain solvent as the economy has suffered making it more difficult for parents to afford tuition. And some have been vibrant enough to offer scholarships to those less fortunate. I have several close friends who put their children in private school for both religious as well as academic purposes. All of them are not coming straight out of pocket either.

Some live in public school districts known to be inferior. Some seek Catholic institutions for their young though the parent’s faith is far from Catholicism. They simply believe the quality of the Jesuit education will prepare their children for college better than the local public school will. It is a beautiful thing to have educational choices for American families. Still, I have never heard one parent tell me that they chose a school because there is corporate in it.

God has never left the building

While I never attended private school of any sort, it never stopped me from praying neither in school nor out. I prayed for good grades on test before and after I took them. I prayed to make it off school grounds fast and slick enough to avoid bullies and being jumped on. I prayed not to get thrown out of school for fighting. I prayed my team would hit the jump shot or score the touchdown against the cross town rival to win the big game. Since I believed that God and prayer were within my grasp as surely as my own personal belief, nothing could prevent me from making a connection. No politician, no school administrator, no teacher. I didn’t need my relationship with God legislated to make it any more legitimate.

To believe that I don’t support God or prayer within the scope of society or youth would be the furthest thing from the truth. As I’ve stated I have a strong faith in God and a deep appreciation for prayer. When I go to some private schools as a sports official, some of them conduct pre-game prayers. I participate in these prayers with the kids and coaches. Not because I have to, but because I want to. When a school is private, they have a unified point of view that everyone agrees to following before enrolling. No one is singled out or ostracized in the midst of any of those prayers. Prayer should be a unifying tool, not a dividing one.

I’ve heard it said many times that Christianity is under attack. I believe that in the United States of America that sentiment has been greatly exaggerated. It’s easy and historic for most all religions to claim victimization. Certainly there is conflict and strife among people of faith vs. those that claim none. The same can be said about differing Christian organizations/denominations etc. I explained all of this in a previous article titled, “Why I Refuse to Join A Church Part 2”

The reason I say that Christian ‘martyrism’ has been overblown is because there are thousands of churches in any given metropolitan area. Startup churches are being formed daily. Nothing is stopping them. There has always been a running joke about the city I’m from that on every block, there is a Rice House, (Chinese take-out restaurant) a liquor store, and a church. I don’t call that an attack.

Faith is as American as our desire for freedom.

Finally, I’m not some ACLU honk. While they have served a good purpose at times, they are also often more zealous and ridiculous as any raving mad TV evangelist. I look at some of the causes they take up and just wish they would go away.

What I am saying is that at the end of the day prayer is a private and personal thing first. And if we do well others will be attracted to our faith through our displays of character that reflect the love of our creator. One doesn’t need religion to have character. But without character, religion is tyranny. There is a scripture that says “they shall know me by the love you show one another,” That carries more weight than a nativity scene on school property.

Meanwhile I’d just assume teachers and administrators do what it takes to make our schools better and prepare our youth to create and compete in this ever increasingly competitive market. I don’t need James Dobson trying to ‘take my local school for Jesus.’

I’ll pass the concept of faith to my children at home. I’m just saying.

August 13, 2011 by bbgcmac

Of Parenting, Fatherhood and Grace

It was June 5, 2010. My son Christian had just graduated from East Paulding High School in Dallas, Georgia. The ceremony, held outdoors at the athletic field was hot, crowded and awesome. It seemed like more than a thousand graduates. Caps and gowns covered nearly the entire field.

Soon after the festivities, I told my son Alex (one year younger than the older graduate), “Just think, this will be you next year. And you will be wearing the white robe and sitting in the front where the honor students sit.” Alex said, “Well dad I don’t know about that.” I assured him that there would be no doubt.

Alex is my fourth of 5^th biological children. And it seemed as each one began to grow up, I became a better father and a better teacher. I don’t know if I helped my two elder daughters at school much at all, other than to offer encouragement and help with a homework assignment or three. Not that I wasn’t interested. I went to parent teacher conferences, showed up at whatever activity they were doing, and followed up on all of their progress. They were motivated young women in regards to their primary education.

Charelle

Charelle, for instance, was always a “Five-Tool” type of player. (To borrow a sports analogy) She was excellent in math, science, english, reading, art; you name it. I recall checking on her progress with her teachers in high school. One teacher in particular looked at me and said, “You’re Charelle’s father right? Don’t bother wasting your time. Nothing I can tell you about this girl. She’s got it!” In addition, she was tremendously popular too; something I never was in any level of schooling.

Chrystal, talented in her own right, I recall being especially great at art. My biggest challenge with her was fighting over what items she created that I could keep for myself after the art exhibits. I wanted them all. She was also popular and was able to hang with literally any crowd and thrive. Something I also could not do at her age.

Back to Christian, he was always a decent student. But he seemed to thrive more on the creative. He could get an A in any given class if he wanted to; if he was interested enough. What was really impressive about the time of his graduation is that his journey was featured in a local newspaper detailing what it took for him to graduate overcoming many obstacles. Oh and did I mention, he too was very popular among peers.

Chrystal

By the time I had any clue of what I was doing to help with my kid’s education; since Charelle and Chrystal were already accomplished, my focus was on Alex and Christian during their latter school years. While I wasn’t sharpest knife in the drawer and half of the work they did was way past my expertise, I focused on what I was good at. Simplifying the process and helping them to see the big picture of life lessons and personal accountability. These are what I would offer them:

By the end of the first week of school, you should know exactly what it takes to get an A out of each class you take. If you don’t know by the end of the first week, ask.
I honestly could give a damn about whether you make an A or a D. The issue is to never ever cheat yourself. Never be lazy or content. If you got an A only because of your ability but did not maximize your efforts in the class, it doesn’t do anything for you in the long run. But if you got a D and worked your ass off, you can be proud of it. Only YOU know the difference. And that’s the person who counts. Just be excellent and let the results speak for themselves. This is what being a leader and not a follower is all about. Be a leader!
Some teachers are great, and some suck. Those that suck still have the pen that you will be graded with. That grade will follow you. So you must learn to make the best of those classes as well, if for no other reason than to get your grade and get the hell out. Teachers are like bosses and co-workers. Even with the ones that suck, you still have to learn to work with them to be successful in life.

Christian

Thus were the abiding principals I would hammer home regardless of the situation or circumstance. Every year we would have long conversations revolving around these somehow. I tried to capture their imaginations. I wanted my sons to envision themselves as adult men in life, not just boys in school. Most times I couldn’t tell what they thought of it. And I didn’t spend too much time wondering. I felt I did my job and gave them what I had. Ultimately they had to decide for themselves.

Then it happened on May 30^th2011. I’m back at East Paulding for Alex’s graduation. The ceremony had just wrapped up. There were several hundred students, parents and family members walking on the field taking pictures and celebrating. Alex seemed as pleased as I was to soak up this moment. Then he pulled me to the side and offered this to old dad.

“Hey! Remember what you told me last year? You said that I was going to wear the white robe, sit in the front and be an honors graduate.”

“Yes I do remember,” I told him.

“You also said no matter what you do, always be excellent. I can’t believe I graduated with honors. It was hard work man. But I did. I always listened to you, though I know most years I didn’t act like it.”

We both laughed.

That moment for me was one of significance because it dawned on me not only how important it is for fathers to be in their children’s lives, but how important I was to my children. That through all of the struggles, mistakes, and second guessing I’ve done as a man and a father, my presence and support in my children’s lives makes a difference. Then I wondered what would have happened if I had not been there. What if I never taught my sons to be leaders and not followers? Wow, my job has been important.

I have four adult children from ages 18-24 and they are all in college. I give them way more credit for making their own breaks and striving for their own goals than anything I’ve done for them. I give credit to their mothers who were there day in and day out. I’m very proud of them all. With each of them as well as the ones still coming up, my focus is always to train them to be adults on their own making their own contributions. I consider myself very blessed to be a part of their lives and being able to witness their transformations.

Alex

February 22, 2010 by bbgcmac

Kingmakers

Every man has a path to take. And within that path is the journey that he has set before him. I believe that we all have a certain destiny/destination within us though sometimes its hard to figure out. Of course all men have both their similarities and differences as well. We are motived by different things. For some of us its money. For others its pride, and for others even love for the purpose itself.

Along that path a man gets help from variou sources. You see there is no such thing as a self-made man. It just doesn’t work that way. I was laid off of a position I held for 11 years and during a class where they taught us how to get a leg back up in the job market I learned that 85% of all jobs filled in America are because of word of mouth. That means that no matter how ‘qualified’ one is, the likelihood that he will get that position solely based on his resume’, experience and interview skills, unless he knew someone who could influence the person making the decision hire, out of say 100 applicants, he only had a 15% chance of getting the job. This is just one example.

Even in starting a business people have to favor you in lending advice and or capital. Perhaps you catch just the right deal on that building or leasing plan. Something has to happen when the universe gets behind you to push a successful vibe your way.

There is another element that I would like to talk about when it comes to the success of a man; his inner circle – specifically the woman in his life.

In today’s society there is often more of a competitive spirit among couples than there is unity. Instead of having a cohesive unit where vision is shared and built upon together, there is a push/pull of egos for power and influence. I believe there are many reasons for this. Most of them have to do with our own insecurities or trying to make a person do something that he/she may not be ready for. For example, a man can’t convince a woman to stand by him and support his vision if she has no desire to support him. And a woman can’t convince a man to have a vision if he is not motivated to have one.

I heard a story years ago where a reporter asked a former first lady what would have happened if she had married another man she had been with previously. Her answer was that the previous guy would have been president instead of the then current president. Why is that? Because she was a kingmaker. In other words, whoever she married was going be president, or great. Because it was something about her love and motivation, her ability to touch her man in the secret places where his greatness lie dormant or in seed form and bring his greatness out.

Some women are just the opposite. Instead of king making they’d rather destroy the potential in their man because of fear or insecurity. They spend their time putting him down or crushing his spirit because they are afraid that if he were to reach his potential and be great he may leave her behind.

A kingmaker is not insecure in her man’s potential of success. In fact, she demands it. She will not settle for less than for the greatness she sees in his spirit; or the thing she recognizes as his gift to the world. She will not be fearful of the consequences, possible popularity or notoriety that are the fruits of success. For she feels it’s more important for him to be empowered to make the mark and the difference he should for his time and dispensation on the earth. (Even if it adversely affects her)

A kingmakers reward is the king. She sees purpose and destiny first. She sees the calling of God and the importance of making an impact on society that is needed. The people who need to be touched and lives that need to be changed.

And if the king is smart, once he reaches the level of his greatness he will not forget from where he came. Not only will he be humble in the midst of the blessings surrounding his gifts in expression he will treasure those who helped him to get there…. especially his kingmaker. He will fully understand and appreciate his kingmaker cause she believed in him and encouraged him when no one else did. When everyone else questioned his worth, value and intentions. She was the one who believed and remained faithful to the vision he didn’t even know he had yet. She will be the one still there once the mission is completed or if the opportunity to present those gifts are taken away.

Some men like myself have lots of potential. I have gifts to give to people and blessings to share. I do that now mostly everyday. But there is something greater ahead. A greater level of influence. And I admit that I am learning to accept and love myself more and more all the time as it relates to these gifts. Getting therapy has helped a lot and I am seeing more and more my potential. Equally true is that I would like to thank my kingmaker. The one who demands that I get the help and assistance I need to be the best I can be. The one who believes in me even when I am not sure of myself. The one who always encourages me in the midst of my greatest challenges.

To her I would say, “Thank you for believing. Thank you for encouraging. Thank you for listening without judgment. Thank you for pushing in all the right directions. Thank you for demanding that I be great!”

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