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Penn St., Empires,and the Love of Money

The love of money is the root of all evil.  I Timothy 6:10

Looking at all of this spinning going on in College Station PA., several things come to mind.

1) The University doesn’t give a damn about the boys that were molested by their employees on their university property.  The reason they don’t want Joe Paterno speaking is because they are afraid he could say something that would open them up to paying a shitload of money in multiple lawsuits.  The lawsuits are coming so they can forget getting out of that.

Still the money is all they can think about as they decided to let JoePa finish the season.  They are so delusional it’s unreal to watch.  I still have my doubts that he will actually show up on Saturday.  While the university still wants to cover his ass giving way to his ‘legacy,’ the fact of the matter is that they lived on borrowed time years and it’s time to cash in the chips.

Look at how they are wording it this morning saying that Paterno ‘decided to retire’ at the end of the season.  What?  Is he STILL in control there deciding what the hell he wants or does not want to do?  Seriously?

2) Paterno is even more delusional as he thinks he can just zone in on football as if that will steer the attention from the heinous crimes committed on his watch.  His piss poor bullshit statement last night that we need to ‘say a little prayer for the victims,’ shows a man clearly in a bubble.  Nobody would have had to say any prayers if the most powerful man in the entire area did his moral obligation.  If he would have saw to it that Sandusky was never around the campus again but rather faced the authorities and the parents of these young boys.

3) Don’t tell me the obligations were only moral either.  You mean to tell me Sandusky didn’t take any of these kids outside of state lines to Penn State games?  He didn’t molest them in team hotels?  If he did it in the locker rooms he did it certainly across state lines on the schools dime.

4) The Penn State students who gathered at his home and at the administrative offices to show support and slob on his 84 year old nob shows the level of tribalism that is possible in this country regardless of the circumstances.  It’s utterly shameful and despicable!

5) Amateur athletics as it relates to NCAA sports is a sham.  This is yet another example of how the university, and others within the system turn their backs on innocent little boys for the sake of the estimated 50 million annual dollars that the football program brings to the school.

The NCAA silence on this matter is deafening!  I guess they are still too busy chasing after Reggie Bush’s Heisman Trophy or looking for guys who sell their jerseys for tattoos to fuck with JoePa!

6) How in the hell was Sandusky allowed to continue to stay around the campus with access to children?  Just answer me that!

7) Heads need to roll and roll quickly!  Mike McQueary wanted to keep a football job and get paid so bad that he didn’t say anything either.  He shouldn’t be on the sidelines either.  At the end of the day all he could think about was his own ass.  His time too is up!

Paterno knew what was up and cared only about protecting his name and his brand.  He is the Cardinal Law of Penn State University.  For me I could give a damn about all the money of fame he brought to the school.  What I see of his true legacy is that he did that at the expense of many young boys who’s lives are damaged forever because his pride and brand were on the line.  If his football legacy is more important to him or anybody else than the legacy of damaged young people who could not defend themselves then I say fuck him and his legacy!  Is the game of football more important than the lives of these children?  I’ll say a ‘prayer’ that he steps the fuck down since the university’s board of trustees still lack the stones to do it themselves!

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Radical Acceptance, Desire, Suffering, And the Ways of the Universe

As a child I had a great sense of fairness in my mind in the way I thought things worked in the world.  For one I was a good hearted kid.  I liked people and found comfort and strength in relationships.  I was also raised in church.  From the pulpit things always seem to turn out right for God’s people by the end of any given sermon.  The preacher never hooped and hollered a sad ending when climaxing the point of his message.  Then there was Hollywood.  In movies and television, the good guys always won at the end.  Justice was always served.  I recall the first time I saw the good guys ‘lose’ and a bad guy get away was in an episode of “Hill Street Blues.”  Though I don’t recall the exact details I do remember feeling jarred emotionally with a sense of loss and injustice.  Nowadays that’s pretty common for TV.  Seasons 1-5 of “The Wire” crystallized the realities of life more than any other show in television history.

For me there has always maintained this inner struggle between right and wrong, truth and justice, fairness and hardships.  All of these factors mentioned above made muttering through life mentally and spiritually difficult many a day.  I struggled with questions like why do people hurt others on purpose?  Why do good things happen to bad people?  Why do bad things happen to the good people?  Why would an elected official do evil things to the people he/she serves?  Why would a friend betray you or someone hurt you if you gave them your all?  All my life I’ve heard that doing the right things, working hard and treating people justly will bring good fortune and a good life.  I’m almost 45 years old now and through the study of history, events from around the world and life in general, it feels as if I’ve seen it all in some form or another.  And all that I’ve seen show that life is way more complicated than this.

The above mentioned formula didn’t seem to work true to life.  And most of my internal struggles have been an attempt to decipher the ways of how I fit in within the schemes of constant contradictions and suffering through good intentions.

It was my counselor and life coach Mrs. Francis Thomas (Miss Francis I call her) who first introduced to me the concept of ‘radical acceptance.’ Sitting in her office she forced me to consider ‘Letting go of fighting reality and accept your situation for what it is.’  Sounds simple doesn’t it?  Folks have a term for it nowadays.  “It is what it is.”  How many times have we heard that one?  Taking a closer look however, the concept of truly accepting things as they are is not natural to our culture.  There is and always has been a push and pull to try to influence or change reality.  And why not?  That what this country has been since immigration.  People came to this land to be what they wanted and live in a fashion empowered by personal ambition.  Those causes weren’t altogether pure either in that often living a chosen life rarely included allowing others to do the same.  And so there was and is conflict for the remaining up and comers, even till this day.  (See Colonization, Slavery, The fight for Civil Rights and Immigration)

And so we live, we love, we compete, and we pursue a vision not for what we accept but for that which we desire personally, vocationally, culturally, and institutionally.

This is our living.

And yet the midst of pursuits in happiness there is always a fly in the ointment of the oil that flows through what we call life.  Suffering.

No matter what we do, suffering seems to be inevitable.  I’ve tried to minimize mine as much as possible by following the golden rules.  But that’s too simple in the scheme of things.  So I sought knowledge.  How can I eliminate or reduce suffering?

Buddhist teaching reveals that the very cause of suffering is the attachment to ‘desire’ or craving.  The Second Noble Truth for instance include:

The Cause of Suffering– samudaya
The principle cause of suffering is the attachment to “desire” or “craving” (tanha). Both desire to have (wanting) and desire not to have (aversion).
1. Desire for sense-pleasures–kama-tanha
The desire for sense pleasures manifests itself as wanting to have pleasant experiences: the taste of good food, pleasant sexual experiences, delightful music.
2. Desire to become–bhava-tanha
The desire to become is the ambition that comes with wanting attaiments or recognition or fame. It is the craving to “be a somebody”.
3. Desire to get rid of–vibhava-tanha
The desire to get rid of the unpleasant experiences in life: unpleasant sensations, anger, fear, jealousy.
The clinging to desire comes from our experience that short-term satisfaction comes from following desire. We ignore the fact that satisfying our desires doesn’t bring an end to them.

Part of the Third Noble Truth simply says:

The end of suffering is non-attachment, or letting go of desire or craving.

In my spirit I totally understood and resonated with the substance of these words.  I sensed a light or a glimmer of hidden wisdom that I had never seen.  This was especially enlightening because by nature I am a doer, a man of action.  If I want something to be a certain way, I did what I could to make it happen.  I used action in an attempt to gain the reaction I desired. (Good deeds, hard work etc.) The thought of letting go of desire seemed to be a game changer.  A freeing experience if you will.  I started the process of embracing this concept slowly in my life.

Reading this may give the impression that by letting go of desire we are to just stand pat and allow whatever happens to happen in our lives.  That brings me to another teaching form Miss Francis.  “A life or inner peace will not consist of embracing an all or nothing paradigm.”

My journey of living is a continuous evolution of learning that the colours of life are rarely black and white, but shades of varying schemes that paint the world.  If there are no desires, there is no progress.  I believe we were created and the Universe calls for us to make contributions towards giving and receiving from the earth, as well as it’s inhabitants.  We can’t make a difference without having a ‘desire’ for something better.  Our humanity provides that we are creatures with feelings and emotions, as well as creativity and logic.  We not only want to survive, but thrive in serving and fulfilling a purpose all the while enjoying pleasure and senses of accomplishment.  The key is balancing all of life’s journey with a certain brevity and perspective.

In the bible Paul deals with this dichotomy.

In Philippians 3:14 he says he continues to press toward the mark of the high calling of God in Jesus Christ.

In Philippians 4:11 he says he’s learned to be content with whatever state he’s in.

Ecclesiastes 3 goes in great detail identifying the cycles of seasons and change in our existence.

The reality is that as long as we are living there will always be this struggle in understanding the push and pull of life; What to try to change and what to accept, how to love in the midst of hurt, pain, or rejection; Whether we are indeed living in a season or if it’s within our power to change the climate.

For in our flawed sense of justice through our blurred lenses the wicked do often prosper, good is not always rewarded, the good die young, love is not always returned gracefully.  Neither the good nor the bad are always what they seem.  And even the very best of us are often guilty of doing to others that which hurt us the most.

I submit that walking in the balance of universal harmony in the midst of it’s seemingly continuous contradictions is impossible for the natural life.  Indeed it requires a supernatural experience and existence which must be practiced if not perfected.

We should desire to be significant though not necessarily popular.  (Though being significant can bring fame.) By focusing on the process of living as well as the intent and ramifications of our actions rather than the results, in the end, I believe the Universe will balance and pay, and regulate accordingly.

And if not,… well then hey, it is what it is.

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Cardinals, Hot Wings & Super Hooters

You have to know my great nice Trinity to love her.  An outgoing gregarious and supercharged 7 year old child with an opinion about everything, she has the personality of a gossip TV host.

Last night during the World Series my sister (her grandmother) took her to Hooters for hot wings.  The atmosphere was electric with excited beer filled fans anticipating a championship via 15 flat screen HD televisions.

The Cardinals were on their way to winning an 11th championship.  The entire town has been in an uproar for about a month now.  But when Trin (as we affectionately call her) walked through the hallowed doors of the famous sports bar/restaurant, none of that mattered.

What totally fixated Trin and changed the entire game for her was…………………… wait for it….. the Hooter girl scantly clad uniforms.

The conversation went like this….

Trin – Grandma, what do they have on?

Grandma – That’s their uniforms Trin.

Trin – Well, what, are they Super Women?

Grandma – No, that’s just their uniform.

Trin thinks for a few more seconds while looking at the ‘uniforms’, then offers one more question.

Trin – Well what do the BOYS wear?

I can’t imagine this experience traumatize the young child.  But I do wonder however if she now has dreams of being a Super Woman when she becomes of age.

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Dancing Chaz & Other Gender Rants

Chaz Bono has gotten on my nerves for quite a while now.  I’ve been tired of seeing his face on TV.  He comes off to me like an attention whore.  Not to further the cause of transgendered persons, but to exercise personal demons and cry “Me Me Me!”

The last straw for me was his comments following his demise on Dancing with the Stars. (DWTS) Instead of focusing on his reprehensible performance he’s once again whining about how he is perceived.  Apparently Chaz doesn’t like the criticism and thinks his weight is being used against him from a ‘man’s’ perspective.

Bruno Tonioli (one of the judges) commented on his latest performance with dancer Lacey Schwimmer said, “It was like watching a cute little penguin try to be a big, menacing bird of prey.  It has to be menacing, dark, dangerous, hypnotic … like a panther stalking.”

Chaz complained:

“I’ve been called an Ewok, a cute and cuddly bear, now tonight a penguin.  It’s disrespectful to me. ” 

He continued:

If you’re an overweight woman in this competition losing weight they love you. But if you’re a overweight guy trying to do this competition and getting in shape, they penalize you for it and call you a penguin.”

Memo to Chaz:

1) One could argue that you ARE an overweight woman.  Regardless you don’t get to have it both ways.  Nobody put a gun to your head and told you to get on DWTS!

2) You don’t enter a dance competition to ‘get into shape’.  You show up in shape so you have a better chance of winning the damn thing.  These judges are professionals!  This ain’t the family reunion talent show where you get points for just ‘doing your best.”

3) Since you knew you were fat when you got on the show, what did you think the public’s reaction would be especially if you already knew you couldn’t dance?  If you don’t want to look cute and cuddly, hit the gym and push away from the Chinese buffet!  We don’t feel sorry for you!

4) If you want to be a man, then be a man!  If you want to be a revolutionary figure, you don’t get to whine!  And momma sticking up for you on Twitter doesn’t help either.  That just removes MORE man points from your rep!  Men get ripped on every day in this country whether it’s in sports or entertainment.  I don’t see Rick Ross complaining cause he has man tits.  Everyone knows it.  He goes on about his business producing horrible songs.  Heavy D called himself, “The Overweight Lover.”  When Ron Artest lost DWTS, he didn’t complain that they hated him because he receives mental counseling? You Chaz are not exempt from public scrutiny when you desire the public stage.  Charge it to the game and get over yourself!  I repeat, ‘We don’t feel sorry for you!’

5) Until you get yourself together and either grown some or get some implanted, get off my TV.  Don’t get on Piers, The View, or any other show complaining about your plight!  You are a horrible example for the transgender community!

They Named Them Girl Scouts for a Reason

What is up with the parents of Bobby Montoya who are advocating that their son be a member of the Girl Scouts?

His mother tried to get him into the Girl Scouts in Colorado but they rejected the application.  Why? Because he’s a BOY!  Duhhhh!

His mother Felisha Archuleta wonder’s what the big deal is.

I’ll tell her what the big deal is…. He’s a boy!

It doesn’t matter if he’s gay or if you throw a dress on him everyday.   If he plays sports for instance he won’t be able to play on the girl’s basketball team in Jr. high or high school.  If he plays golf he won’t be able to compete in the LGPA.  If he get’s a sex change operation… then that will up to those organizations to decide how to interpret that.  As of now, he is a boy at least by biological standards.  There are many other ways he can express his individuality other than trying to force a girl’s organization to ignore his body parts.

One thing I have learned from various of civil rights warriors and icons; One has to learn to pick battles and be strategic.  This isn’t the way.

If she thinks I’m wrong then start letting the child go to women’s restrooms in public places and see how that works out!

Come on people!  I’m just saying!

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Relax, God has NOT left the room!

From a child I have been a person of deep faith.  When my mother took me to church unlike most my peers I actually wanted to sit towards the front instead of hiding in the balcony.   I wanted to be up close so I could especially hear what the minister was saying.  If I sat too far back, I would get lost and eventually fall asleep.  Learning about God and the characters in the bible was a fascinating thing to me.  I took those opportunities seriously.

My spiritual journey has taken me through many places.  One principle that has reinforced and remains with me is that my faith is a very personal journey.  The journey itself and the fruits thereof may be shared with the public at large.  But the beauty of it being a personal journey is that no one can prevent my soul from connecting or communing with my creator.

I thought about this when I came across an email recently that suggested (not the first time I’ve heard) that a major downfall of this country happened when the Supreme Court took corporate prayer out of public schools.  Since that time lack of prayer has been blamed for dropout rates, teen pregnancy, school violence etc.  Years ago I was lukewarm on the subject at best.  I remember having corporate prayer in school and the benefits of it was debatable.

There was still mischief, bullying, drugs and pregnancy.  Nowadays I have strong opinions that taking public prayer out of public schools was not the tragedy people made it out to be.  Especially considering the world we live in today.  I’ll make my case:

Religion is Polarizing

We live in a society that is more diverse than ever before.  With that comes faith with all sorts of flavors.  Who gets to decide what brand of faith is emphasized for public schools?  The general consensus among those desiring prayer in public schools is Christianity.  But which kind of Christian; Baptist, Catholic, Lutheran, Methodist?  Of course not only would either of these choices leave out another Christian persuasion, it would also exclude and isolate people of other faiths that do not include Christianity.

The natural strife would distract from the original emphasis of primary education which is to teach the basics of reading, writing (typing) arithmetic, and now technology.  Remember we are talking about publically tax payer public schools.  This brings me to my next point.

This is what private schools are for

In any given metropolitan area, there are hundreds of private schools which in addition to academics emphasize their faith.  There is nothing wrong with a family choosing a school based on their own faith.  Some schools have struggled to remain solvent as the economy has suffered making it more difficult for parents to afford tuition.  And some have been vibrant enough to offer scholarships to those less fortunate.  I have several close friends who put their children in private school for both religious as well as academic purposes.  All of them are not coming straight out of pocket either.

Some live in public school districts known to be inferior.  Some seek Catholic institutions for their young though the parent’s faith is far from Catholicism.  They simply believe the quality of the Jesuit education will prepare their children for college better than the local public school will.  It is a beautiful thing to have educational choices for American families.  Still, I have never heard one parent tell me that they chose a school because there is corporate in it.

God has never left the building

While I never attended private school of any sort, it never stopped me from praying neither in school nor out.  I prayed for good grades on test before and after I took them.  I prayed to make it off school grounds fast and slick enough to avoid bullies and being jumped on.  I prayed not to get thrown out of school for fighting.  I prayed my team would hit the jump shot or score the touchdown against the cross town rival to win the big game.  Since I believed that God and prayer were within my grasp as surely as my own personal belief, nothing could prevent me from making a connection.  No politician, no school administrator, no teacher.  I didn’t need my relationship with God legislated to make it any more legitimate.

To believe that I don’t support God or prayer within the scope of society or youth would be the furthest thing from the truth.   As I’ve stated I have a strong faith in God and a deep appreciation for prayer.  When I go to some private schools as a sports official, some of them conduct pre-game prayers.  I participate in these prayers with the kids and coaches.  Not because I have to, but because I want to.  When a school is private, they have a unified point of view that everyone agrees to following before enrolling.  No one is singled out or ostracized in the midst of any of those prayers.  Prayer should be a unifying tool, not a dividing one.

I’ve heard it said many times that Christianity is under attack.  I believe that in the United States of America that sentiment has been greatly exaggerated.  It’s easy and historic for most all religions to claim victimization.  Certainly there is conflict and strife among people of faith vs. those that claim none.  The same can be said about differing Christian organizations/denominations etc.  I explained all of this in a previous article titled, “Why I Refuse to Join A Church Part 2”

The reason I say that Christian ‘martyrism’ has been overblown is because there are thousands of churches in any given metropolitan area.  Startup churches are being formed daily.  Nothing is stopping them.  There has always been a running joke about the city I’m from that on every block, there is a Rice House, (Chinese take-out restaurant) a liquor store, and a church.  I don’t call that an attack.

Faith is as American as our desire for freedom.

Finally, I’m not some ACLU honk.  While they have served a good purpose at times, they are also often more zealous and ridiculous as any raving mad TV evangelist.  I look at some of the causes they take up and just wish they would go away.

What I am saying is that at the end of the day prayer is a private and personal thing first.  And if we do well others will be attracted to our faith through our displays of character that reflect the love of our creator.  One doesn’t need religion to have character.  But without character, religion is tyranny.  There is a scripture that says “they shall know me by the love you show one another,” That carries more weight than a nativity scene on school property.

Meanwhile I’d just assume teachers and administrators do what it takes to make our schools better and prepare our youth to create and compete in this ever increasingly competitive market.  I don’t need James Dobson trying to ‘take my local school for Jesus.’

I’ll pass the concept of faith to my children at home.  I’m just saying.

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Random Thoughts & Mini Rants

Michael and Murray

One of the things that really bother me about the Conrad Murray trial is the total denial on behalf of the Jackson family and friends.  Let me be clear.  I grew up loving me some Michael Jackson.  He is a musical icon beyond measure.  I have respect for the King of Pop and the hurt that the family has for losing their most talented son, sibling, and friend.  But for his family and friends to get on TV and act as if the same Michael Jackson who totally lost his childhood; had multiple plastic surgeries to the point of totally restructuring his face, (and lied about it on TV saying he only had one) clearly the most eccentric and driven figure in the history of show business with all of his ups and downs with the Pepsi accident, multiple child abuse allegations including a trial, that it would be IMPOSSIBLE for him to be hooked on drugs; “He’s such a caring person.  A great father.  He’s not the type,”  I’ve heard it said from Jermaine Jackson to Kathy Hilton and Dionne Warwick.  Well caring people who love and are attentive to their children can indeed be drug addicts.

Conrad Murray’s role as a physician was reprehensible, and he shouldn’t be able to practice medicine again.  Still, being the personal physician and catering to whatever Michael Jackson wanted for 150K per month is something many other doctors would have busted the door down to do if he hadn’t.  Michael Jackson was the boss.  And for these folks and fans to act as if they want to put all of this on Murray is ridiculous!  We’ve all dealt with family members who did their own things and you couldn’t tell them anything.  I was one who fit that mode a time or two in my life.  I find it too hard to believe that they didn’t know what was up.  The Jackson family could have had an intervention when Michael shrugged away from them.  I think the bottom line was that that cat was paying too many bills for them to confront him.  And like the rest of us they didn’t think the very worse case scenario could happen to Michael.  As a result, now they are just looking to blame someone else for their own lack of action in hopes that it will cover their hidden shame and perceived failures.

**PS… Media please stop showing that picture of MJ deceased on the gernee.  It’s wrong and disrespectful!

Obama vs the CBC

Sometimes the POTUS kills me.  I never expected him to be president of black folk.  He should govern the United States accordingly without leaving black folk behind as most presidents have.  For all intents and purposes he’s made it clear in one way or the other that he doesn’t want to appear to appease to Black Americans.  He’s tried his best to be Teflon Don.  But for whatever reason he feels the need to lecture and speak maternally to groups of black people as if they owe him something.  This past week wasn’t the first time.

He sounds like a man who pays no attention to his wife and kids and then chews them out for ‘crying about it.’

Take off your bedroom slippers, put on your marching shoes. Shake it off. Stop complaining. Stop grumbling. Stop crying. We are going to press on. We’ve got work to do.

I mean who wrote THAT speech?  Were ‘Lazy and Shiftless’ too busy last weekend to make it in?

Suffice it to say I think his tone was kind of shitty.  But I will accept it as soon as he starts talking to white folks, Hispanics and Jews with that same tone. (Speaking of my Jewish peeps… Happy Rosh Hashanah! ) Critique of policies or lack thereof is part of being any politician let alone POTUS.  And loyalty is a two way street.  We are sophisticated enough to be both loyal and critical.  I’m not on that Tavis Smiley kick either cause he and West are working my last nerve.  If the POTUS want’s some, he has to give some.  Hell I don’t know. Just treat us like you do Boehner and the Republicans.  That’s a start!  If you don’t that’s fine.  Just don’t come up in the spot talkin mad sh*# like you’re the pimp and we’re the hoes that better get in line!

***Now the other side to that is this.  I don’t see big business hiring until Obama is out because they don’t want things to get better while he’s in there.  They’d rather wait till Romney or Perry gets in whether it’s next year or an additional five.  To say they don’t hire because of ‘uncertainty‘ is a crock of sh#!  Name me one business that has total certainty that isn’t named the NFL with it’s astronomical guaranteed TV revenue?  Part of being a business organization is operating in a way that is proficient and profitable.  Bush sure as hell didn’t make anything more ‘certain’ when he was in office when this recession got started.  I’m just keeping it 100!

David as Goliath!

So the latest I hear about the NBA negotiations is that the owners are asking for in addition to more overall revenue, for current player salaries to be cut by  five percent on all existing salaries for this season, a 7.5 percent reduction of all 2012-13 salaries and 10 percent reduction of 2013-14 salaries.  It’s ain’t my money or nothing, but Stern must be crazy.  Or is he?

I guess the tale-tale sign will be whether the players who are not stars and who have not already signed a deal with a team overseas have not spent all of their money and are able to hold out.  Only an idiot would spend all of his money knowing this lockout was looming for the last couple years.  But we all know there are plenty of those in professional sports.  We’ll see.

***Pac Man vs. Money May… let’s get it.  Enough already!

Time Machine Chronicles

Somebody threw a banana at Philadelphia winger Wayne Simmonds?  In 2011?  REALLY?  I guess he couldn’t get a watermelon past security.

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How Come You Don’t F*&! Me Anymore?

No that is NOT the new Prince jam.

I ran across this article the other day while surfing the net.  The heading of the link said, “What we don’t tell our husbands.”  I’m a married man so why wouldn’t I be interested?  That’s not an indictment on my wife’s level of honesty, but more about covering my bases.  I perused the various links within the story covering different marital topics from a woman’s point of view.  Catching my eye was a link titled “Mom Confessions.”  Ahhhhh!  My wifes a mother too so I may get a double dose of knowledge that us men generally never hear about.  Everybody knows that women can be like closet racist.  They reveal some things to their husbands, (the other race) while revealing others to those of their own species. (other women) It’s called ‘girl talk.’  I’m thinking since these moms are anonymous in this survey I may learn something.  Several links within the columns caught my eye.  For this post I’ll focus on one in particular; “Top Ten Secret Mom Confessions”

Confession #5 Says, She’ll take sleep over sex.  *It goes on to say:

 Nap or nookie? Once the kids are asleep, almost 53% of moms would take a good night of sleep over mind-blowing sex any day. Being tired is an almost universal complaint among the moms we surveyed…

I ran this past my wife as she sat on the couch watching one of her favorite ‘shoot’em up killem’ can’t find’em’ mystery whodunit shows.  She agreed that most women including many of her married friends feel the same way.  I was surprised to say the least.  I spoke out.  “Are women less tired when they are single and having sex?  Why are mind-blowing sex and a good nights sleep mutually exclusive anyway?”  She stuck to her guns. “The average married woman enjoys sex, but only prefers it every so often unlike a man who prefers it a helluva lot more,” she said.  “And if he’s really good to her, she may even suck it up and give him a little more than what she would otherwise care to have.” 

Needless to say this was mind-blowing to me.  I know I’m a guy, right.  But still.  Most married couples I know started off having plenty of sex before marriage.  They also have plenty initially after the wedding.  But then something changes.  The message seems to be that after kids and life kick in, women lose a certain interest in sex.  I’m generalizing but not much.  I also noted that in today’s society there are many unmarried mothers who are divorced for intance, working, have custody of their children and still manage to carry on a vibrant sex life without the full time help of a man.  In spite of all of these challenges, she manages to get it in.  So fatigue seems like a cop-out.

The Mrs. agreed on these facts but I could tell by the look on her face she felt as if I just didn’t ‘get it.’  “And why does she have to suck it up if she enjoys it in the first place?, I asked.

We went back and forth before she pointed out that she was sure that most married or committed couples who live together with children are not having as much sex as I may think.  I wasn’t ready to conscede, but even if that were the case I still wondered why!

So I asked a friend of mine (a married male) some questions:

a) How many times do you and your wife have sex during any given week/month?

b) How does it differ from when you were dating?

c) Are you as a man satisfied with the amount of sex you have with your wife now?

This friend told me that he and his wife had frequent hot n’ wild sex the first few years of their relationship including marriage.  Now, it’s down to an average of maybe 3-4 times per month.  (they have 2 children) Strangely enough he expressed that he was just as satisfied with this amount as she was.  “Sex makes me too tired,” he said.  Knowing this brother for many years I remember a time when he would confess that he was definitely not satisfied with the amount of lovin’ he was getting from his wife.  But now his desires are on par with hers.  I told him that she must have worn him down to her lower standard.  It’s not merely a question of being being ‘tired.’ 

To prove my point, I said, “You may think you’re satisfied with that little bit you get at home, but what about the finest woman you know at work?  Would you be tempted to hit that if you could with no consequences even if you were tired?”  He acknowledged the temptation.  So I asked, “Then what in the hell is the problem?”  His answer?  He compared it to his favorite dessert.  He said that if he had his favorite dessert in the fridge at his disposal all the time he wouldn’t find it as appealing.  “Ahh!  So it’s a matter of availability?,” I inquired.  Since his wife is available all the time, she’s like his favorite dessert unlimited.  He can just take it for granted as if it’s there today so it will be there tomorrow…. and the next day, and hell the next week, month or year for that matter. 

I found that quite unacceptable. 

Don’t get me wrong.  I understand that life happens.  I understand that kids and responsibilities happen.  I understand there isn’t necessarily as much time to be romantic when there are little people running around the house.  What I don’t understand is why is sex such an important part of a relationship while in its building stages but not a part of an abiding program?  If a couple is doing it 5-7 days a week before children, why not at least 3-4 afterwards?   The frequency of indulging in certain pleasures may fall away as couples take on more responsibility.  But why does sex fall so significantly on the priority list? 

History shows that most couples, who endure a marriage or long term relationship that doesn’t last, end up starting a new relationship where sex again is a priority.  Men have reputations for having affairs, but nowadays more women are stepping out than ever before.  Within these affairs they are definitely having frequent sex with ‘the other guy.’  That doesn’t make sense if the original excuse for not having sex in the first place is fatigue.  It takes much more work to carry on and sustain a secret affair than to simply handle one’s sexual needs at home.

So what’s the deal?

Now let’s be clear.  I know there are differing challenges to each relationship though not all are uncommon.  For example; Some men are not interested in pleasing their women but rather only interested in their own pleasure.  And there are times when life just happens and sex is not the focal point for a period of time.  For the purposes of this expose’ I’m assuming that the marriage is good and that the man is not selfish but is also aware and proactive in meeting his woman’s sexual fantasies.

Speaking to another friend of mine, a woman who does some marriage counseling as a profession, she said, “Sex is 5% of a good marriage.  But its’ 95% of the problem if the two parties don’t agree.”  I saw her point but I thought she hedged the numbers a bit.  I would say sex is 8-10% of a good marriage depending on the couple.  But again I know, I’m a guy who happens to not be an expert on human sexual behavior.  She also said that single women tend to have sex to relieve other stresses in their lives.  “A woman who is happy and secure in her relationship may not need to have as much sex as her male partner,” she added.  That may be true, but I sense what seems to be a type of love/hate relationship with women and sex.  (That is another blog for another time.  I’m focusing on the love part for now.)  With that I still believe that there is a disconnect somewhere.

All theories seem to come back to the original point in the article;  Men want sex a lot, but women even in happy marriages don’t prefer much at all.  Is this really true mostly across the board?  If so why?  Or is this off base?  I would like to know what you all think.

How can you do this?

Well there are a couple ways.  First off you can just comment in the ‘comments’ section of this blog.  For those reading on Facebook you are also free to comment there.  If you prefer more privacy, you can comment on the blog anonymously, and I can repost responses to Facebook as anynomous.  I realize that some may feel comfortable with speaking freely while others may not.  I don’t want a anyone’s identity to interfere with total honesty.  Here are some of the questions I am looking to have answered:

1) Are you male or female

2) Married or Single

3) How important is sex in your life vs. your partner’s/past or present

4) Are you/were you satisfied with the state of sex within your relationship?  If not, why not?

5) Have you become sexually lazy or apathetic? (Be Honest)

I realize this won’t be the most scientific study of all time.  I’m just curious about how many people see what I call a dilemma.

I think the hottest steamiest and most vibrant sexual experiences should not belong to the promiscuous, the sneaky and the uncommitted; as if great persistent sex is only for the naughty.  I think it should be the opposite.  People who commit to sharing lives together should be knocking the hell outta the boots!  Period point blank!  Sure it may take imagination, a little more work, but that’s because it’s not cheap and passing.  All great things take work to maintain greatness.  Casual sex may be pleasurable, but the mentality to engage in it is different.  Committed sex is based in a security that the couple’s lives and principles are based in things that are far more important.  And that makes it even better.  Is anybody with me? 

I’m promoting a sexual revolution for the married/committed!

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Fantasy Football, Degenerates & In-Laws

Like most red blooded Americans I am looking forward to football season.  A baseball buff growing up, I had no particular love for football.  My first memories of the sport were my dad’s friends coming over to our apartment on Sundays to watch the St. Louis Cardinals football team.  They would shout at the TV and as I watched these gladiators of the grid smash and grab one another.  I had no idea what the point or the strategy was.   I also recall my dad and his friends were particularly thrilled the day Jayne Kennedy appeared on The NFL Today show as a host with Irv Cross , Brent Musburger and Jimmy “The Greek” Snyder.  That was a really big deal.  I wonder why…

  Jayne Kennedy

Anyway, I got into football when my grandmother gave me a Pittsburgh Steelers schedule prior to the 1980 season.  The Steelers had won their fourth Super Bowl.  While visiting grandma as I did every summer in New Kensington, PA, (18 miles south of Pittsburgh) some friends took us to Latrobe to the Steelers training camp.  There I met Terry Bradshaw, Rocky Bleier, Franco Harris, Lynn Swann, Mean Joe Green, John Stallworth, Jack Lambert, and so on.  While I didn’t enjoy or understand the sport, I knew the names and these guys were bigger than life to me.  I took the schedule home and watched the NFL games every week just so I could mark a ‘W’ or an ‘L’ next to the opponents after they played each.  This is when I learned how the game was played and what the rules were.

From then on it was all things Pittsburgh for me; though I did enjoy other teams.  I started watching college football and fell head over heels for Dan Marino when he was at Pitt… which made me a Dolphin fan though I couldn’t pull for them against my beloved Black and Gold.  (I don’t know who told Wiz Khalifa that it was black and yellow.  But I digress)

I’ve been satisfied with my outlook on football for the last 31 years.  The Steelers are still my squad.  And I’ve enjoyed a few more Super Bowl victories since 1980.  Everything is simplified.  Teams win, teams lose.  It’s close or a blow out.  I don’t gamble so I never cared about the point spread.

 #88 Lynn Swann

Then something crazy happened.  Something entered the fray called, “Fantasy Football.”   It started kinda slowly but I noticed it pick up year after year.  It seemed to be as big as the NCAA basketball brackets for March Madness.  I thought it was silly because it lasted more than a month.  Guys were having drafts, trading players, mixing and matching players and that didn’t make sense either.  How in the hell can Peyton Manning possibly be on the same team with Terrell Owens?  They don’t even play for the same team in real life!

I always avoided worrying about the logistics of it.  I wasn’t going to participate in that foolishness anyway.  Still this thing began to spread like a virus.  I’ve got a friend who I’ve talked football with for over 20 years.  We may only see each other maybe once a year.  But during the football season, we are sure to talk at least once a week.  We talk about the games, the players, what the Cowboys are going to do etc.  Sadly, last year I lost this dear friend of mine due to a tragedy.  Was it a car accident?  No.  Was he the victim of a henious crime?  No.  This friend of mine was infected by the fantasy bug.  We were talking about the games and I said, “Man, how about that Roethlisberger?  Didn’t he bring Pittsburgh back with his scrambles and ability to make something out of nothing?”  My boy said, “Man that dude pissed me off.  They ran the ball to run the clock out when I needed him to make 15 more passing yards for my fantasy team!”  I said, “But they won!”  Then he said, “But I lost.”  That was a wrap for me.  I can’t talk to this dude any more about football because all he wants to talk about is how his fantasy guys did from week to week.

I decided after that conversation once and for all, that fantasy honks are degenerates who take the fun out of the game.  They spend way too much time analyzing stats as opposed to the team concept of winning and losing.  They now have segments on ESPN where they talk weekly about who will be a good fantasy pick.  I immediately turn to another station during this period. 

I’ve also heard NFL players griping or bragging about their fantasy draft status.  This seems even more idiotic!  And why aren’t there any defensive players on fantasy list?  Don’t tackles, interceptions and quarterback sacks mean anything?  I guess not.  That would make too much sense!

 Let me be clear.  I hate fantasy football. 

Unfortunately, this year my brother-in-law Pete, all the way in Charlotte, NC begged me to get into his yearly pool this year.  “Cmac, its fun and it’s free!  Everything is automated so you don’t have to pick anybody it’s done for you.  Come on man.  It’s a family tradition.  We talk trash and have fun with it!”  I tried telling him I wasn’t interested.  I tried dodging his phone calls and emails.  I told my wife to tell him we were divorced so he wouldn’t think I lived with her anymore.  None of it worked.  He talked me into it.  Kicking and screaming  I signed up for, “Pete’s League of Disaster,” along with several other degenerates via Yahoo.  I hate it already.   I mean, surely I’m not going to get all Steelers players.  Am I supposed to root for Joe Flacco if he ends up on my fantasty team?  He plays for the Baltimore Ravens.   I HATE the Ravens.  They are a division rival.  (Though we win most of the time so it’s not really a rivaly.)  But again… I digress.

So I’m in.  Pete got me with the family peer pressure thing.  

Still I vow to care only about what the Steelers do this season and NOT get caught up in the stats of other players.  They will NOT reform me!  Right?

As for Pete, I hope he get’s stuck with Jimmy Clauson or Cam Newton as his QB!

Pete… You suck!

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Catching Up With Charlie Bubba

**Parental Discretion Advised

Been a long time since I caught up with my old friend from the neighborhood.  For those not familiar, Charlie Bubba is an old timer from East St. Louis who was a friend of my father’s.   A street philosopher if you will, Bubba has a funny way of seeing politics, religion, and just life in general.  Normally I catch up to him say once a quarter.  But with my schedule it’s been quite a while since I’ve had the chance to get his opinions on the comings and goings of America and the world.

I saw Charlie at Lincoln Park over the weekend.  As usual he had his potions with him.   And I brought a little something myself.  He was glad to see me; and I him.  So after exchanging pleasantries, and toasting a sad goodbye to the two young children shot to death by their mother a few days ago, I pulled out my recorder to get the latest. 

Me:  CB.  What have you been vibing on lately?  What you wanna talk about?   Jobs, POTUS… 

CB: The president?  You mean Beohner’s Bitch?  Ha!  That’s what I call’em.  I swear I think he must have some compromising photos of Bama or something. Cause he is one compromising negro!  I mean got’damn.  He’s the POTUS!  How you gone let a mufucka tell YOU when to announce a fucking jobs bill?  Security?  Shit.  He’s the fuckin president.  You got secret service under the bed when he’s doing Michelle.  You control security.  You spose to be running the motherfucker!  You don’t let congress tell you what the fuck to do.  Now he put his self up against the NF fuckin L.  On opening fuckin night!  Dumb!  You think imma be lookin at his ass?  Imma tell you what I’m gonna do.  Imma be lit up at the spot with some Henney in one hand, and some ribs in another, seeing what kinda JOB the Packers gone do against Breese nem’.  Shit.  I’ll catch up in the morning.  He’s putting himself last so imma put him last. 

Me: I heard they may move the speech up a bit time wise.  But speaking of Michelle.  Do you think she speaks her mind or shares her opinion on these things?  What do you think she thinks?

 CB:  Imma tell you what she thinking.  She’s thinking do she want to keep the drapes she’s got in Chicago when she moves back in 2012.  She’s thinking about what school she wants to send her daughters to.  That’s what she’s thinking.

 Me:  So who’s going to challenge?

 CB: Shit I don’t know.  Anybody with a back bone for starters!  In this country nowadays.  It’s who ever talks the most shit no matter how ignorant.  I guess Mitt or that Ken Doll country preacher lookin dude. 

 Me: Rick Perry?

 CB: Yea that mother fucker.  He’s a scary son of a bitch too.  Just on the gay thing a while ago he was like New York can do its own thing.  States rights shit.  Then after the fact, signs the marriage act.  He don’t know whether he wants to be a preacher or a politician.  Hell I guess they both the same right?  And what the fuck he talkin about he would do the fed chairman in Texas?  After he supported him?  He ain’t shit.

 Me: What about Palin?  Is she getting in or not?

 CB: Palin… oh that bitch is fine ain’t she?  I’d tap that Alaskan ass.  (laughs hysterically)  But she ain’t givin it up is she?  She is the ultimate dick tease.  Ridin buses every other month talkin shit.  ‘Imma run… maybe… maybe not.  Imma suck ya dick, no I ain’t.  Imma let you get it…. SIKE!’  Attention whore!  She should thank McCain every day for putting her on the squad.  I’d like to see her and Bachmann in a debate though.  Bet Bachmann would bitch slap her silly ass.

 Me:  But Palin knows bows and arrows.

 CB: Touché mother fucker!  (laughing) The point is that irregardless, they should do a reality TV where all them fuckers are in the house like The Bachelor or something.  You know some Survivor type shit.  Let America vote.

 Me:  (laughing)  I feel you on that.  Then throw Gadhafi  in the mix too!

 CB: Oh hell yea!  Is he the emperor with no clothes or what?  Talkin about, “I’m in charge.  Ya’ll keep on fighting.  I know they ran me out the crib.  Took all my guns, swam in my pool and stole my goat skin silk sheets and shit.  But I will not be denied.”   That dude been in the palace too fucking long.  That’s probably how Castro would act.

 After a few more sips and laughs I asked Charlie Bubba what else had his ear in the news besides the obvious.  He thought for a second and then his eyes brightened. 

 CB: Oh yea!  White chicks gone missing.  I ain’t even going there on how they report when blonde women goes missing vs. Blacks or Mexicans.  Fuck that.  What I wonder is when they show all these news reports about who dunnit, why and all that shit.  They never have a mother fucker on there saying, “Hey stupid bitches – stop meeting mother fuckers on the computer box and leaving the country with them!  Niggas is crazy.  You might get killed! I mean what these gals think gonna happen to them?  In these days and times?  Got-damn where they get their decision makin skills from?  They give the sob stories, but never talk about the dumb ass decisions in the first place.  That’s what they need to be talkin about.  Do a whole special report on it!  Have Soladad or Coop do a special on it.  They can call it, “Dumb bitches meet a man in public a few times, meet his friends, parents and shit then leave for Aruba.”  How about that?

 Me:  That’s kinda hard Bubba.  But I get your point.

Soon after that it was time for me to go.  Charlie Bubba’s getting old and not looking as good these days.  Physically, life has taken its toll.  But his mind is still sharp and his opinions haven’t waned a bit.  I wished him well and told him to stay up.  His last words…

CB: Flyers got that ass spanked in Georgia last week.  (East St. Louis Football Team) (Coach) Sunkett is dumb.  He shakes hands with the other coaches when he wins but walks off the field when he loses.  What he may not realize is that if any school ask the conference for tapes, they get them.  Cause everybody hates him for embarrassing these White schools.  Period.  They got that whip though again though.  Hope the kids be eligible so the state won’t fuck them over again.  Imma check them out tonight.  Playin some school from Kansas.  We’ll see.  If it ain’t one thing it’s another.

ME: Later C-Bubba

CB: C-Mac my dude!

 

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Blue Strikes Back, or If My Whistle Could Talk

Real Talk:  I love what I do.  Sports’ officiating is not only a fun job, it’s an important job.  Whether the games are played by little kids, teenagers, or adult men/women, the officials play an important part in managing games that mean a lot to its participants.  They uphold the integrity of live competition. 

As a fan of sport, and a former participant as a youth and adult, I understand the fun, the passion and the intensity when competing.  Often part of the art and drama of sports is the give and take between players/coaches and officials.  Some try to bully officials.  Some are more cunning.  I welcome some give and take because it’s a part of the game.  I expect players to gripe a little in the heat of battle.  I expect coaches to try to ‘work’ me into giving them the next call to their advantage.  Games are as much psychological as they are physical.  You have to have thick skin in this business to be successful as a competitor or official.

 

Still, every once in a while I find it funny how some of the players and coaches I work with take the give and take a little too far.   Most good officials take a lot more than they give in the first place.  We can’t get caught up in too much conversation even as we try to respect dialogue.  There are times when the chatter I hear is ridiculous.  The verbal assaults can clearly get out of hand.

While doing men’s basketball game recently one team in particular whined and bitched throughout the entire contest.  Several comments were made not only questioning our abilities as referees, but also our character.  Two of their players ended up being tossed from the contest.  And even after the game they persisted to make excuses for the ass whoopin’ they just endured.

But what if the tables were turned?  What if there was actually equal access to criticize?

I posed this question to one the whining players who kept at us as my partner and I were changing to leave the gym.

“You know what?   I can do what you do.  But you can’t do what I do.  You’re not qualified to do my job.  But what if I in the course of the game could talk to you the way you talk to me.  What if I critiqued your every move on this court, your missed shots, turnovers, every time your man scored on you?  What if I walked up and down the court saying, ‘What a lousy pass that was?  Your defense is shit.  You can’t shoot so why do you continue to try?  Coach, your game plan sucks and you can’t coach worth a damn!  Hang it up!’  Believe me I see it every week!  It’s not like I don’t notice.  But you spend so much time critiquing my every call or no call.  He had no answer for that. 

I’m umpiring a youth fall baseball league in a well to do area.  Some of the kids on the teams are sons of St. Louis Cardinals, Rams or Blues players.  Some of them are pretty good while others not so.  Some of them are good kids who love to play the game.  Some think they are automatically following in their father’s athletic footsteps. 

 

Anyway, I’m behind the plate and this one kid has Albert Pujol’s stance down to the tee.  (Not Albert’s son) He’s posin’ it real good but refuses to swing unless the ball crosses the middle of the plate.  I’m calling corner strikes and he’s huffin’ and puffin’ openly showing off his disapproval.  Later towards the end of the game, one of his teammates ducks out of the way of a pitch on the inside corner of the plate like it’s a missile.  (STRIKE!)  He turns and shows his frustrations with some grunts and rumblings under his breath.  Then he barks, “Hey – where was that blue?”  My response,  “It was in the strike zone that’s where it was.  Besides that, you are up 17-2.  Swing the bat and stop ducking the ball like you’re scared.”  He struck out and that was that.  But what if I said what I really wanted  to say.  It would have been pretty much the same except I would have added.. ‘Smart ass lil fucka!  Now shut yo punk ass up before I take my belt off and whip ya right here at home plate!’ on the end of it.  Here he was 11 years old trying to ‘big time’ me in front of his teammates and the fans. 

Fortunately, for the most part I’m good at holding my tongue while managing the game professionally.  Every now and then I still lose my tempter.  I’m working on it.  But I bet for those kids/adults who act a fool, if officials can just have one contest where the talking was equal, they would choose their words much more carefully.